My partners family just don’t bother with us- I feel so sorry for my partner and our children.
ive been with my partner since we were 16- SIL has always hated me never known why, as a youngster we went to stay with her when she was at uni about 8 hours away- she made the week hell to the point I phoned my parents crying every day wanting to come back, MIL came up day before we went home and we all stayed in their studio apartment everyone was asleep except her and her mum (MIL) I laid there till the early hours them literally mugging me off calling me names that I was fat etc.
MIL was a raging alcoholic at the time and also heard her secretly telling her daughter that 3 weeks prior she had been arrested for drunken behaviour and trespassing breaking into a police training centre locally the early hours of one morning. She took the piss out of disabled and over weight people. She also despite that cosy late night chat with SIL told me and my own mum on many occasions how much she hated her daughter and how she wishes she never had her and had rather 10 sons over 1 daughter.
she then for months pretended to be ill that she couldn’t feel her hands and feet or even walk- would be carried upstairs, someone even holding her lit cigarette to smoke as she couldn’t. She was then caught running to the bathroom by her husband one evening She also wished my dad dead when he had cancer when it was just me and her- I was 16 at the time my dad was in intensive care.
now we’re older and all have our own children 6 between us. She doesn’t drink anymore also I may add.
my children are treated completely different from SIL children- Easter when my eldest DD was 4 her cousins all got Easter eggs to open and fancy dress costumes whilst she was given a bag of cathedral city nibbles as apparently she liked them. That’s just one example. she was completely pissed off when she found out DD1 was a girl- said she’d roll her in dirt when she come round to make her a Tom boy 🙈. She already had a grandson from SIL who was 2 at the time and the absolute apple of their eye still is. SIL went on to have another 2 DD’s who like my 2 eldest are just the token grandchildren it seems.
I got fed up with the shit from them I gave up making an effort about 10 years ago and didn’t see them for a long time. myself and my partner briefly split and we got back together a few months later. One of the things I said I would do again would be to go to his parents house with him as I know this was an issue that always came up. He would still go and take the kids but I stayed home- never have I slagged their grandparents or aunts/ uncles off to them though never have and never will. Eldest daughter is 12 and she’s noticed for years though now how she and her sister are treated differently.
so I started going round there again a few years back. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be at first. But now my partner is starting to feel the way I did all those years ago and is totally pissed off
the only time we see them is when we go there- we literally live 6 miles away by car and they’ve never been here. Invited them Boxing Day 2019 they said they were coming we put a spread on got the kids to put a few toys away to make some room got to an hour after they said they were coming. Partner phoned them they said they wouldn’t be coming as mums not feeling up to it (in the background could hear partners nan and sister and the kids) but his dad would drop the presents in but wouldn’t be stopping as they were really busy going away the next day so needed to pack
partners birthday he didn’t get his cards till 2 weeks after his birthday- same happens to the kids they never make the effort. We have to go there. We had our baby boy last year and I honestly thought they would be all over him (secretly hoping not though as wouldn’t want to upset our girls) but nope they’ve seen him 5-6 times in 9 months.
Day I was home from hospital after my c-section they phoned and said to us bring him round tomorrow if you can, explained we wasn’t sure what time the midwife was but they are welcome here and they went oh no don’t worry just whenever your not busy. When we did go round there so they could meet him- they said could you pop to nans from here (bare in mind she’s not an old nan if that makes sense- she doesn’t drive but gets the bus to their house and the pub 3 times a week!) at this point I was really ill I didn’t yet know but I had MRSA so I just wanted to get to bed.
FIL birthday has just gone and other half was working so didn’t get chance to take a card that day. His mum just text him “did you forget someone’s birthday?” it’s never late before but because of work and also probably because of how he’s been feeling towards them I’m guessing he didn’t get it round there asap.
Mother’s Day- took flowers round for her and then in the kitchen. My partner brought up about us looking at moving a couple of streets away and my FIL went oh that’ll be good because your a little out the way at the moment for us to get to and mums poor health she doesn’t leave the house…. She goes to SILs which is a good 40 minute drive and also accidentally dropped in that she had also been to BIL friends wedding the day before for the whole day and evening which was a 2 hour car drive away… but a 5-10 minute drive to see their other son and grandchildren is just to far!!
my kids hate it there- nan ignores them sits playing on the laptop, they aren’t allowed toys out because the dog will eat them, baby can’t sit on the floor has to be permanently held because the floor is covered in dog hair or he gets jumped on by a springer and golden retriever that they don’t tell to get down.
when do we stop making an effort?! I feel exhausted. And my partner is heading that way too. My girls feel left out like they aren’t liked. Just feel like I really needed to offload nearly 16 years of rubbish