Brother in law expects to always be invited

[Mumtobeebee]

To cut a really long story short for our youngests second birthday we decided to take my parents and my inlaws out for a meal (didn’t invite my brother or my husbands siblings). We were paying for the meal as a thank you for the help we receive from my parents and in laws (although any help from them is usually used against us in the long run). My brother in law the shouted at me across the hedge (we live next door and he lives in their front room, he’s 32 and it was meant to be short term but has now lived there going on 5 years), that I was bh for not inviting him. FIL then came round saying we had were being unreasonable for not inviting him and how we should be always including him in everything we do, so I stood my ground this time and said that we wouldn’t giving into him, especially after him calling me a bh, FIL then said they wouldn’t be coming he he wasn’t invited. I mean that’s fine, it was cheaper for us.
My husband and his sister and kids from his first marriage and brother in law is his son to his current wife. So I don’t get why he was so concerned about his youngest son and not his daughter too.
They go out plenty without inviting SIL or us and it’s never bothered us, but surely we don’t have to make a point of inviting my 31 year old BIL to everything. My brother laughed and just asked what’s wrong with my BIL.

should we have to invite him to everything? Is being called a B*h by him unacceptable because I refused to give into his demands. Did he just not like being told no as it’s not something he’s used too?

bh is bi*ch

No need to look after a man child who can’t care for himself. Invite who you want.

hahaha you couldn't pay me to sit at a table with a man who thinks it's acceptable to call women bitches.

Even if the principle of you getting to invite whoever you want wasn't the point, the calling you "bitch" would seal it now and forever.
FIL doesn't get to invite him either.
Sorted.
As they say, the rubbish has taken itself out.

I should probably add that they are always complaining about everyone else in the family too anyway. My SIL invited their cousin years ago for a roast as she was in the area (she asked FIL and stepmum in advance of asking the cousin) and they said yes but then moaned to high heaven about having to cook for their niece (who they hadn’t seen in 12 months).

We just wanted to do something nice for both sets of parents. It happened on out wedding day and a couple of other years on the kids birthdays but this year was next level.
trouble is we just know that BIL and his mum are winding my FIL up about us at the min.

MY husbands stepmum spends most of her time moaning about my husband or his sister to anyone that will listen but you can’t say anything about BIL. It took him until 18 months ago to get and keep a job. Although I have a feeling that’s part of the deal with him stopping with his parents and I think his mum is probably worried that if he leaves he will just quit his job again. When he moved out when he was 23-26 his mum still went out and paid all his bills as otherwise he just wouldn’t.

we live next door. This is the problem.

My husband and his sister and kids from his first marriage and brother in law is his son to his current wife.

I'm sorry but try as I might I can't untangle this.

You sound far too enmeshed with each other. I hope you find the solution to the dinner.

You need to move.

Husband and sister are children from FILs first marriage. BIL is FILs son from 2nd marriage to step mother, therefore husband's half brother. They live next door.

OP I wouldn't lose any sleep over these peculiar people. They've been incredibly rude to you and have now. uninvited themselves. Problem solved.

I'd never invite someone who called me a bitch to dinner. Ever.

@Iflyaway I think there was a typo somewhere but I think OP's FIL was married and had OP's DH and a daughter. Then remarried and had a son with second wife, that son is the BIL.

Yes the problem is living next door and them thinking they have any say on who you invite to lunch. Move house!

They're clearly assuming your husband and his sister don't see him as a brother and are excluding him because of this. Rather than because he's a twat.

No matter what he thinks, he doesn't get to call her a bitch.

Funny how he didn't call the OP's DH anything, like the one he's actually related to.

Oh we only see them once a week anyway (if that), but we are looking at moving a bit further away so it’ll reduce seeing them even more.
Yes it was a typo! I was up sorting the youngest and half asleep!

He’s awful to them too, but they just accept it. They are currently telling anyone that will listen that it’s all our fault as we should always include him. I feel like telling them that by constantly prioritising BIL over my husband and SIL they are drawing an invisible line through the family and tearing it apart. But it’s not worth the aggro as they are never wrong.

oh he’s a bully!
BIL is why we don’t go round often as he makes comments about me and my husband all the time and has said some nasty stuff to the kids in the past. My MIL runs a B&B and is always home but we have the kids in nursery and out of school club Monday-Friday because we’d rather them not be left with them!

@StrawBeretMoose

Thanks for the explanation! Very kind of you.