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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To worry he's gone back to old ways?

4 replies

Rann4 · 24/03/2023 22:46

Ex and I have 3dc. We've been apart for a number of years and arranging contact used to be a massive nightmare due to him cancelling all the time, last minute, not bothering at all. Turned out he was drinking and taking a lot of coke which is why he was a no show most Saturday mornings.

Just over a year ago he joined AA and got sober. It was great, he kept to arrangements and everything was going well, until last week when he told me he'd been to a pub with friends and had 1.5 pints (it is possible he has lied about this amount but just going with what he's said) Doesn't sound like much and he downplayed it like it isnt a big deal but now I'm worried he will stop seeing the kids again and I don't really know what to do. They're older now and will be devastated if things do go that way. He should have seen them tonight but cancelled saying he was working late...

Am I being unreasonable? Could he have just had a few drinks and be fine? And maybe he really is working late tonight (even though he's never had to before).

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 24/03/2023 22:50

There's nothing that you can do, you've just got to see how things pan out, unfortunately.

SeekChase · 24/03/2023 23:14

Well, I always thought that if you need AA to get sober then you've got a real drink problem and are not able to touch it again as there is a big risk he will just become an addict again. So you are right to worry.
See.how.it pans out. Keep a diary of all the dates he let's them down - you could potentially need this in the future if it ever goes to court for child arrangements.
Kids must be really disappointed. I hope he doesn't keep letting them down. Good luck!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/03/2023 23:18

Well drinking for the first time in a long time, and then cancelling for 'working late' for the first time in a long time, dont really look good. Sorry OP.

Dottymug · 24/03/2023 23:20

Sorry to hear that. If he is drinking again things may well go south quickly. Better he cancels contact than takes the kids when he's drunk. That would be a much bigger worry, so definitely keep a note of everything he says and does, so you can ask for supervised contact if necessary.

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