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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

partner going out

14 replies

Laurenna · 24/03/2023 18:11

AIBU?? OH is going out for a meal at 8 he’s already been up the pub for an hour (which he does most fridays) i came home and nothing had been tidied up (i have to get the kids ready and to nursery and preschool on my own every morning they are less than a year apart i hadn’t been home since work as i had to go get my little boy wrapping paper for his birthday presents and then half an hour from there to get his owed antibiotics so it was messy) 4.20pm he says i’m getting ready to go, i said what it doesn’t start til 8pm? he replied yeah i’m going for a few beers first. i cook every night and do the washing up i do all the clothes washing,drying, putting away tidy every day and work 2 part time jobs i never go out. il give him his due he normally baths the kids and he came home with flowers today but fuck i’m tired is it too much to ask that he gives me a bit of his time bearing in mind he is working tomorrow and then out at the england football match on sunday. just feel like everytime he goes out it has to be hours earlier the only role i get to play is mum or myself at work whilst he gets to be dad, work and social

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 24/03/2023 18:13

This is unacceptable.

Have you told him calmly how you feel? On a day when you know he's not going out?

Grumpi · 24/03/2023 18:15

Yes it sounds like your whole home life balance is completely off.

Time for a proper sit down when kids in bed and discuss how you can make this fair for both of you.

Your DP is entitled to go out and so are you, it’s not about stopping him but ensuring you both get adequate down time.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, have you actually told him there’s an issue? You may need to spell it out (you shouldn’t have to but you might need to).

Laurenna · 24/03/2023 18:30

yeah i’ve told him as this isn’t the first time i think he just thinks i want to keep him home, i don’t, i said why can’t you just go at 6? so i can have some help with the kids so he stayed until 5 and just sat on the sofa didn’t do anything to help me and then said bye to the kids and not me

OP posts:
DDivaStar · 24/03/2023 18:30

Its not do much about him going out now. Its the fact he is out for a few beers every Friday, is out for the football bit you never go out. There is no balance.

Kranke · 24/03/2023 18:32

Why don’t you go out OP?

Laurenna · 24/03/2023 18:33

i thought as much just needed an outsider’s perspective he knows i’m not happy he never wants to spend time with me unless it’s in the bedroom i’m just tired of feeling like everyone’s maid always having to service everyone else

OP posts:
notthisagainforest · 24/03/2023 18:49

Laurenna · 24/03/2023 18:33

i thought as much just needed an outsider’s perspective he knows i’m not happy he never wants to spend time with me unless it’s in the bedroom i’m just tired of feeling like everyone’s maid always having to service everyone else

But you are doing all this and allowing it to happen. You need to stand up for yourself this is like something from the 1950,s. Women don't put up with this shit now

Suetcrust · 24/03/2023 18:55

You’re going out next weekend aren’t you?
Yes you are! Book it asap. Hitch up with a girlfriend for a drink, book a cinema ticket.
Doesn’t matter where you go or who with, just go.
What's good for the goose an’ all that.

ilovesooty · 24/03/2023 19:12

Well it will continue to happen unless you put some changes into effect.

I bet you don't feel much like having sex with him anyway.

Laurenna · 24/03/2023 22:54

thank you! i needed that il be doing that next weekend he can stay in for a change!

OP posts:
Harriyet · 24/03/2023 23:34

You don't have to do anything for anyone, why are you allowing it?

Why are you sorting the kids each morning?
Why are you cooking each night?
Why do you do all the cleaning and washing?
Why dont you go out?

I dont think it's about him having a night out, that's shouldn't be an issue. The issue is the rest of it.

5foot5 · 24/03/2023 23:35

I cook every night and do the washing up i do all the clothes washing,drying, putting away tidy every day and work 2 part time jobs i never go out.

Why!? Seriously, why are you letting this happen? You surely don't need people on here to point out how grossly unfair this is. How much he is taking the piss.

Sit him down and give him an ultimatum. Divide up the work between you. Wtf are you providing a full laundry/cooking/housekeeping /childminding service for this lazy shit and working a job as well?

What century are you living in? Sorry, but you for know this is totally unacceptable don't you?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/03/2023 23:37

Make sure you get ready at least 4 hours beforehand and leave a good 2 hours before whatever it is you're doing

toomuchlaundry · 24/03/2023 23:41

When is your little one’s birthday?

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