BFs Past - Should I know?

[ObsessedWoman]

Hello

I am looking for some advice as I feel I am going out of my mind and I dont know if I am being unhealthy or not.

My BF was divorvced very quickly after his marriage, 12 years ago, he said he suffered from depression and his now exwife wouldnt postpone wedding, He said he wasnt thinking straight and ended things weeks later. He said he was on medication for years afterwards. He says he met his now ex during this period, they had a few dates and cooled it off, he then said he tried getting back with his ex wife, but she had met someone new and then he went back to his ex. He says this break was at least 1.5 years. He and his ex were together many years after that. I have now been with him for 1 year.

I know its none of my business but I feel he fucked around after getting married with now ex and the story he told me of "i took time to sort myself out because i was depressed" doesnt really add up. It doesnt add up that he says he never felt the way he did for his ex as he did for his ex wife.

There are lots of photos on social media which would show this break wasnt 1.5 years but much shorter. I have ended things as his dates dont add up. He thinks this is bonkers that he is explaining himself for things that happened 12 years ago. For me, its all about honesty, if he was fucking around behind his ex wifes back, be honest, if he fancied some fun with someone else then tried getting back with his ex wife, then be honest.

He says his memory is hazy during that period because of the depression. He says on reflection he shouldnt have got married or even been in relationship with ex as his head wasnt in right place. He said in the last few years he has reflected and he has grown up and matured and he knows exactly what he wants. I dont doubt that for one second but his past (or lack of info re past) makes me nervous.

I have photographic evidence that his ex was on holiday in the place they said they went to but it was during this "break" - he keeps denying it and says he wasnt there is must have been someone else she was with.

Above all, except his past, he gives me nothing to doubt, I do love him, I do see a future with him, and he does make me very happy.

I dont know if I have a point with all of this past stuff or if I am being a bit obsessed. My head just feels scrambled.

Help

You've done the right thing. It's true depression can disrupt accurate memories but for him to just deny evidence is gaslighting. You don't need to start from a place of lies. Him denying reality this way would have me running for the hills

I don't know if it's just me but this post is really confusing, what are you even worrying about? That he cheated on his ex wife with his ex? I can't make sense of it.

But to be honest yes, on the face of it it's mad to be obsessing about stuff that happened over a decade ago.

To me, this just sounds like a level of drama I wouldn't need. I'd end it with him.

I wouldn't be interested in a divorced man personally.

Personally, if I was him I'd cool it with you. Going back through photos from 12 years ago and causing arguments 12 YEARS LATER about it is next level craziness to me!!!! The fact that you've even gone back 12 years first of all, second of all why are you playing detective on his past?

This!

"I have photographic evidence"

This is over. You don't trust him so what's the point in staying with him?

Meanwhile he should run for the hills and find someone who won't obsessively track through 12 years and compile evidence about his past.

I'd end it with her. What's he done wrong? It's the OP that is investigating his past like he's committed a crime. Photographic evidence of something, accusing him of lying about a time he already says is hazy, depressed and medicated. He doesn't need her drama!

you’re digging around over something from 12 years ago? I don’t think you trust him. I’d end it because frankly I’m a bit concerned that you are focusing on his ancient history, then enjoying yourselves together.

Sounds like he's had a lucky escape if you've finished it.

OP, I don't believe for a moment that you have gone investigating this man for fun and lols. I think you must have your reasons, and your gut is screaming at you. So you've investigated, and what he's saying doesn't add up.

I think most people would be wary of someone who had divorced very quickly after marrying, and especially one who accused their spouse of railroading them into it.

And then he ricocheted between 2 women - which suggests he didn't love either but was wanting to be with someone - anyone. To top it off, he blames depression....

You don't trust him, and it sounds like you have very good reason to not trust him. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour - and he hasn't yet changed and grown up enough to be honest with you, from what you have found. Ending it is the best thing.

It's you who's had the lucky escape. Listen to your gut.