Am I being unreasonable? Mother's Day and poorly child

[OneVeryTiredMam]

NC for this one.

DS7 has been extremely poorly, he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and required a weeks stay in hospital over the Mothering Sunday weekend. Obviously he is my baby and this has been a huge shock to the system, my brain has really not been following anything other than ensuring ds7 and ds11 are okay.
I missed my dads birthday. My sisters birthday and Mother's Day all in one week. My family told me not to worry in the slightest and focus on dc and that it was just a day. My mum even told me off for saying I'd make it up to them!

MIL has been driving DH back and fourth to the hospital been putting in a lot of petrol so not expecting it for free. We are very tight on money due to having to stay there for a week. Mil knew this, yet she's complaining we didn't get her anything for Mother's Day. Showing us what SIL got her and saying it's rude not to get her and my mum something despite knowing all our money has been going on going back and fourth and food at the hospital and then the rest of it going on what ds7 needs for home for his new diagnosis. (Even had to buy a new fridge for his medication which isn't cheap!!)

AIBU to be furious surely she shouldn't be making us feel bad? She keeps dropping it into conversation.

I'd tell her to stfu. What a grabby rude cow

Look her sternly in the eyes.
And ask, "Seriously?"

Tell her to fuck the fuck off.

I also have a type 1 child been diagnosed a few months. Hang in there, it’s such a shock.

I told her that my mum said not to worry and that we had bigger things to worry about and her face was like thunder.
I don't want to be rude as she did to be fair do all the driving as DH doesn't drive and I'm the driver in our house but obviously didn't want to part from ds7.
It's also ds11 birthday so we are even more tight and haven't even been able to get all the presents he wanted which again she knew about - which he's been great at understanding (we will make it up to him next week when we get paid!)
I just feel very shit about it all, I didn't even get to enjoy Mother's Day as he's had a lot of hypos and it's been extremely scary and when he was admitted if I had left it another day or so he'd of fallen into a coma!

That's an odd reaction with a grandchild in hospital. I can't imagine DM nor DMIL commenting even without the sick child. Have your DH tell her that DS has been and will be the only priority for a while because of his illness, with other DC coming next. If she doesn't like it then she can moan at him and it's up to him how much of a row he wants to make it, or not.

I'm so sorry, it seems that T1D is on the rise at the moment. I hope you're coping okay with your child's diagnosis.
It's awful, and so scary last night was the first night his numbers actually stayed stable through the night so first night in a week and a half that I've managed to catch up some sleep and feel half human. 🥲
I'm raging about mil really, but I don't have the energy to tell her off.

Your a better person than me, I would have given her both barrels about leaving my dangerously ill child’s bedside to buy her some useless tat or did she think she was driving your dh back and forward to the hospital for shits and giggles. Once the dust has settled (I.E everyone is home numbers have stabilised and you can shut your eyes without going to a dark place) you would have got a thank you present.

jeez my mum said not to her her anything because I was going on holiday on the Monday ans didn’t need the faff!

Is she resenting taking dh to the hospital each day? Seems like an odd thing for her to focus on.

I hope your dc stabilises soon and that things get back to normal for you all.

I don't think she resents taking DH, it's something she expects every year to be made a fuss of over Mother's Day, her birthday and Christmas.

I just didn't expect her to think she was more important than ds7 this year. She said something similar to me the other day about how DH should of brought her something to say thanks, and I immediately shut her down saying we had no money and it couldn't of happened at a worse time (a week or so before pay day.) I also spent £90 on taxis to a&e back the week before he was admitted as I knew something wasn't right and a&e sent him home without checking. and she still brings up Mother's Day.

Ah, so she has form for wanting a fuss made of her and just can't see that she's being selfish and unreasonable this year...

Then I'd just tell her 'Mil, of course we appreciate you, and thank you for your lifts this week. I'm sure you can understand that we've been so worried about dc that celebrating Mother's Day just hasn't seemed important. We love you. But please stop going on about Mother's Day. It's very upsetting and makes us feel like you don't care about dc.'

Then ignore her if she brings it up again.

Anything to do with your MIL's mother's day is something she takes up with her son. She's not your mother. And your DH can also take responsibility for telling her to do one. Then he needs to learn to drive.

I would have told her to do one.

I would just ignore her and let DH deal with her.

Why do you need a new fridge though? My stepchild is T1 and the meds just go In my ordinary fridge and I'm worried I'm doing something wrong?

Tell her she's a disgrace, because she is!

Hope things settle a bit soon.

My child’s meds go in our normal fridge too.

Honestly, I would buy a cheap box of chocolates and throw them at her (not literally obvs but maybe infront of her) and say there you go, you can stop complaining that you didn't get anything now, sorry they're late but as you know we've had bigger things than your MD present going on

I think your mil has put a lot of her time and effort into facilitating dh's hospital visiting and it seems very unappreciative to not even get her a card and a box of chips or bunch of flowers even from the hospital shop.
I can understand her dismay

No don't say this!

Why not, @fUNNYfACE36 ?! 🤔

Because it is extremely rude given all the help the mil has provided.Other people don't cease to matter when you have children.You might have decided to forget mothers day this year, it doesn't mean she has to.

Because it is extremely rude given all the help the mil has provided.Other people don't cease to matter when you have children.You might have decided to forget mothers day this year, it doesn't mean she has to.

I totally disagree, @fUNNYfACE36 . It wasn't rude at all: I mentioned the MIL's help.

The MIL has been very rude and selfish. The OP hasn't forgotten OP 'just because the OP has children'; the OP has not celebrated MD because she was in hospital with her ill child! The MIL needs to suck it up and be the actual adult here, not make things worse for OP.

Agreed in normal circumstances. But surely a week in hospital with a very ill child is extenuating circumstances?

It’s rude that the mother in law is bringing it up with her daughter in law. She is not responsible for making sure her husband looks after his mum on special days.

My eldest has special needs so it's just a safety thing that they aren't messed with don't worry x