AIBU to say no to chairing a meeting

[Caffeineandcheese]

Please be kind, first time posting (though long time lurker) and feeling low.
A close friend sadly took their life yesterday. No way to see the positive here.

I am fairly senior in my role and work has been tough/stressful over last year and more so recently. Generally I do enjoy it and I tend to go above and beyond.
I was asked a while ago to chair a meeting as usual chair not present, which I agreed to. Whilst I am very used to chairing meetings, this is much higher level, regional and not with my normal team. It is safe to say I would normally be fine but it is out my comfort zone.

I tried to work yesterday and it was tough to focus and I was not up to talking to anyone. Thankfully wfh so could cry when I needed to. I am now so worried about chairing the meeting early next week on top of an incredibly busy and full week. However to not chair would let people down. Also I might be ok?

So would you step down from chairing? If so would you make the call now to let someone else have time to plan to step in or see how you feel next week? What reason do I give to step down if I do, it feels unprofessional to let people down.

Aibu chair the meeting, it’s next week it will be ok
Yanbu step down now

Also feel ridiculous and silly for even stressing about this when something so monumentally devastating has just happened. I can’t even process it all.

I’m so sorry about your friend 💜
It sounds like you need some time away from work to grieve, can you take holiday or call in sick? You could also call cruse for some support

I'm so sorry for your loss
I would schedule a meeting with your manager, explain what has happened and request the chair be passed to someone else under the circumstances.
You are grieving and it will take you a while to process your thoughts and feelings. It's unfair to put this added pressure on yourself. Take time out if you feel you need to, I don't think your manager would oppose this? They should be doing what they can to support you.

I had something similar not very long ago, and I spoke to someone else about backing me up and being willing to step in at the last minute if I found I couldn't do it. I made sure the secretary and minute taker were aware so that they could help and step in if needed. I did seriously consider stepping back altogether, like you, but in the event I was fine and it was a good distraction to have something else to focus on for a bit.

Don't put yourself under so much pressure. If you are worried, say now that you want to step back so someone else has warning and prep time.

It’s a sign of strength to ask for support in times such as this. Do what your gut tells you and take care of yourself.

I’m sorry for your loss. When you are ready have a look at the SOBS ( Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide) website. It may help.

@Shoxfordian thank you. I do have leave coming up, which is partly why next week is so busy. I think right ow I do need work, some sense of normal and the distraction.
@MuddledMindy Thank you. Manager is currently on leave but I will have a think of who can help, this wasn’t delegated by my direct manager anyway. Though I am sure they would be understanding.
@LordEmsworth this is really helpful thank you, I will see if I can speak to someone today about potential back up and stepping in if needed. This feels better than totally ducking out, especially if I am ok next week to manage it. I have already done agenda and sent papers etc, so it is just chairing that would be needed.

@Paperdolly thank you, reading your reply made me think that it is what I would tell someone else. Funny how we can’t always be as kind to ourselves as we are to others

Sorry for your loss, op. 😢

If you were in my team and asked for advice, I’d suggest that you don’t deal with this meeting differently to the rest of your work. Get signed off/take sick leave to allow you to grieve properly. Or if you really feel work helps then try power through. I’m saying that because you probably won’t tell everyone what happened and just pulling out of a ‘big thing’ can easily be misinterpreted as nerves/can’t handle responsibility by those who don’t know what’s going on.