To say yes to someone who has invited themselves to my house?

[PrinceHaz]

This is someone (not a potential date, just someone I may become friends with) who I’ve not met before but have exchanged a few texts with. We’d agreed to meet up but hadn’t said where. They’ve texted suggesting spending the evening at my house and they’ll bring wine and snacks.
I’ve thought about it and said yes as it’s no skin off my nose, will just tidy up a bit.
im just wondering, as it’s most definitely a no no to invite yourself unless you typically do this/know one another well, why would someone do this? I can’t imagine ever inviting myself to someone else’s house, let alone someone I’m meeting for the first time.
They seem lovely and definitely not a CF so am just a bit fascinated about the psychology behind them making the suggestion.

Perhaps she wants to vet you and your partner before she lets her DD come for sleepovers.

Or money's tight, as a PP suggested.

If I was arranging this it would be probably because I was being nosy in these circumstances.

Could be wrong but I'm of the thinking it's more to do with how expensive things are getting in going out, even a couple of coffee's doesn't leave much change from a ten pound note so I'm guessing a few glasses of something in a pub would be more.

I think it's odd. If she wanted to stay in rather than go out due to money or another reason, she should have invited you to hers. Personally, I'd veto this idea and say I fancy a break from the house/husband/kids and let's meet out. I wouldn't want someone I hadn't met in my home for the first time!

Could well be this. If so, happy to oblige by keeping it more affordable.

It’s just plain rude to invite yourself to someone else’s house I think and if she wants to become friends it would have been better to invite you to hers, unless there is some problem eg grumpy partner, builders,?

Viewpoint a - asking you to travel and leave your home is cheeky

Viewpoint b - asking you to host (and potentially tidy/acquire drinks and nibbles) is cheeky (although I note that your guest is bringing wine and snacks, so that element is factored out).

I don't think either viewpoint is necessarily wrong... it probably depends on local culture/how someone is raised?

I'm personally of the opinion (and was raised to believe) that inviting yourself to someone else's house is rather rude. A factor in this for me is that I don't feel comfortable with anyone except close friends/family visiting until I've hoovered, tidied 'the day' away and bleached the loo... not that my usual standards are slovenly, but my house is definitely a lived in home with two small children and I don't like the feeling that people might judge my 'usual' standards. I don't want to feel forced into tidying, etc. just because someone else wants to visit.

One other thought I had was that she might be thinking it's cheeky to ask you to travel to her if she's providing wine, if driving is a factor?

Cost of living is also a good point raised by others (but then, she might as well ask you to hers...)

Don’t let them anywhere near your home!

Reasons why someone invites themselves to your house when you don't know them

1. sex
2. murder
3. sex and murder
4. Rob you
5. case the joint out for future robbery
6. sex
7. have a partner and doesn't want to get court
8. sex
9. too lazy to bother taken you out
10. too cheap to go out even if your paying your way
11. sex
12. sex and murder

Never mind read your opening wrong

No not cheeky probably just wants to get to know you not in a busy environment and you can actually relax at your house

Also maybe a bit tight on money

Also might not like going out to places

So this person is the mother of your daughter's friend, and your partner will be home. I think that's called drip feeding. 😂

I think it's fine.

I think it's fine. I'd imagine there's a practical reason why she's suggested yours not hers - younger siblings/siblings with SN? DH who works nights? DH already got his friends round that night? Her house is a tip/in the middle of building work or decoration/she's either ashamed or her house in some way, or alternatively its a massive mansion and she doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable/she passes by your house on her way back from work...

In the of a school mum friend, I don't think I'd think much of it. TBH I'd a million times rather be at mine with a glass of wine than have to traipse out in the cold and not be able to drink cos I'm driving!

Imo, you’re being a bit bizarre.

Why is it bizarre to wonder why someone would invite themselves to your house? I’d don’t mind them coming at all, just not come across it before.

The way your first post read you were suggesting having a stranger-I immediately though man-over to your house when you were alone. Which, frankly, would be insane. The update makes it so non-insane I don't quite understand why you posted!

I'd say...

"That's great! What wine will you be bringing? We do like a Château Lafite Rothschild.(1998 is a good year - hint, hint). And so on that assumption we'll get a good batch of ice cubes made up ready and waiting, and of course we'll provide the Smokey Bacon Crisps - as is the norm.

Looking forward to it. xxx"

Why is it insane to wonder why someone would invite themselves to your house?

@IWineAndDontDine I love MN, really fascinating to hear other perspectives. It wouldn't occur to me that someone would think it was cheeky to invite a guest ie ask them to travel

Have you not seen “Am I Being Unreasonable?” Or is that you DMC?

Before you know where you are she’ll have nicked your coat (or not), and be going on Tinder dates with your husband …

She hasn't really invited herself to your house though, you were obviously making arrangements to meet up and she's just made a suggestion. You could always say you'd prefer not to host as your house is a tip or something. Maybe she's suggested it because she thinks it will be more relaxed, she's skint, she thinks it'll be more convenient for you.

That’s a fair point.

Totally normal. She's trying to make friends. Why put up arbitrary barriers?

Do you not have many friends or social interactions? Just finding it tricky to understand how you’ve never come across this before.