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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think less women breastfed

134 replies

bbyno2 · 23/03/2023 11:27

Stats are out that at 8 weeks of age almost 50% (49.3%) of babies are being breastfed. The way threads go and people talk around breastfeeding on mumsnet and my peer groups aibu to think it would be a lot less.I thought like 30% max as those who breastfeed seem to act like they are a minority (I guess they are by 0.7%?)

Data: www.nuffieldtrust.org.uk/resource/breastfeeding#breastfeeding-of-infants

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 23/03/2023 18:37

@Chilloutsnow Me either. On here can be so brutal especially, the previous breastfeeding one I was involved in had several people agree that those who formula feed from birth are selfish and shouldn't even be parents. 😂

I just have a 3 month old and he has slept 7-6 or 7-7 since 8 weeks. One of the reasons why I only went to baby group once was because I struggled to relate with cluster feeding, having a baby who wouldn't be put down, no sleep, saying they almost wet themselves and couldn't shower etc. I was the only one who formula fed.

You've given me hope for when we have the next one. People always joke that because DS sleeps, the next one won't sleep until he's 16. 😂

Emmamoo89 · 23/03/2023 18:39

Chilloutsnow · 23/03/2023 18:24

@SouthLondonMum22

I honestly never gave a crap if anyone judged or not. I do think there’s something in the sleeping longer though although I’m sure someone will prove me wrong on that. It’s just at playgroups it seemed like every other BF mum was sleep deprived and I was always embarrassed to admit I’d slept fine.

I never wanted to come across as that mum and had empathy for my fellow sleep deprived friends at the time but now they’re all older I can tell them my dirty secret 😂. Plus having this set up three times over would have came across as bullshit, except it wasn’t. I genuinely never woke up to feed any of them past 7-8 weeks. The odd time if they were poorly they would wake but it was pretty much plain sailing from that point. I certainly wasn’t going to upset that apple cart by attempting to BF subsequent babies.

My breastfed son sleeps through the night 😊 it's not how they feed. Every baby is different. My son just loves sleep and learnt to self sooth early

Blanketpolicy · 23/03/2023 18:40

There probably is some truth in where you live/who you mix with being reflected in choices. When I had ds, in 2004, I lived in a very mixed, but mostly deprived town. I commuted to the nearest city to work.

Every single one of my colleagues at work bf and every single one of my friends and family at home bottle fed. It was such a stark division. I bf and it was quite lonely not having others to talk to about it, during my maternity leave I only met one other mum in my local town that bf.

Most other mums I spoke to would be curious and ask about bf as it was unusual to them and ask about it expecting horror stories.

My niece recently had a baby, she has health issues that meant bf wasn't a choice for her, she says it is still the same in a nearby town with a similar demographic, none of her friends, or anyone at baby groups bf.

Mexicola · 23/03/2023 18:42

I think a lot of women don’t breast feed as it just doesn’t fit in with a modern lifestyle very well. It’s not just about the baby being fed it’s a lifestyle choice.

I just didn’t want to commit to it so bottle fed.

I don’t know why there’s such big interest in it same way I don’t care what you feed your toddler I really don’t care if other women breast or formula feed.

Emmamoo89 · 23/03/2023 18:43

Chilloutsnow · 23/03/2023 18:11

@Emmamoo89

Possibly, however I certainly never engaged in any cluster feeding or long periods of time feeding my baby. Feeds were generally quick.

Well you wouldn't. Cluster feeding is to establish the milk coming in and with what the baby needs. It didn't last long. My son wasn't on the boob ridiculously long. He now take couple mins to empty my boob. When he was clusterfeeding maybe 30 mins then went down to 15 mins. Wasn't long at all and I was happy watching telly and scoffing my face whilst he ate. Plus could just lob my boob out when ever he was hungry. 🤷‍♀️

Twizbe · 23/03/2023 18:52

@Mexicola that's a really interesting perspective. I'm curious about how breastfeeding doesn't fit with modern life.

Chilloutsnow · 23/03/2023 18:53

@Emmamoo89

Yes I know you said your son sleeps well and he is BF but I’ve had this for three babies, so yes I do think the bottle feeding had something to do with that. If not, I was just incredibly lucky. Also my friends would disagree with you there, they had periods where baby was at the breast for a long time during growth spurts. They would refer to those periods as cluster feeding, not just when your milk supply was establishing itself. Not a problem of course and many of my friends enjoyed that closeness for extended periods of time.

Chilloutsnow · 23/03/2023 18:56

@SouthLondonMum22

Good luck with your next baby and fingers crossed you get another long sleeper 🤞.

Milksheikha · 23/03/2023 19:25

Twizbe · 23/03/2023 18:52

@Mexicola that's a really interesting perspective. I'm curious about how breastfeeding doesn't fit with modern life.

Perhaps because some women don't have enough time to sit and feed because they are working ?
Some woman have jobs where they can't pee when the want let alone pump.

Albiboba · 23/03/2023 19:32

Twizbe · 23/03/2023 18:52

@Mexicola that's a really interesting perspective. I'm curious about how breastfeeding doesn't fit with modern life.

You disagree? I would have thought this was a fairly universal point of view.
Relatively short poorly paid maternity plus a high cost of living means the majority of women return to work at 9 months when smp ends. For most babies 9 months is too early to drop to only a bedtime feed so they are transitioned onto formula ahead of the return to work as a full time job and commute is typically not comparable with breastfeeding.

shakeitoffsis · 23/03/2023 19:45

Absolutely none of my friends nor I have breastfed our kids. We just simply didn't want to.

Twizbe · 23/03/2023 19:59

@Milksheikha I was curious about what that poster meant about how that has changed.

FWIW the average length of maternity leave in the uk is 39 weeks. 45% of women take more than that.

Twizbe · 23/03/2023 20:00

@Albiboba I neither agree or disagree. I was curious to know what she meant.

Returning to work at 9 months is no barrier to breastfeeding.

With both mine at that age I could (and did) leave them for a working day with feeds just morning and night.

110APiccadilly · 23/03/2023 20:01

My personal experience is that the majority (but by no means all) of the other mums I know breastfed until somewhere past six months. A reasonable number combi fed and I know that sometimes doesn't get counted in the stats.

I also know a lot of people who breastfed past a year, though in many cases you wouldn't know unless they told you as it was only at bedtime! (Personally I fed to just past a year - but under 13 months.)

However, I suspect that the mums I know are disproportionately middle class, and I know social class has a big influence on breastfeeding rates. So if a survey says about 50% breastfeeding at eight weeks, I'm willing to believe it.

Mexicola · 23/03/2023 20:04

Twizbe · 23/03/2023 18:52

@Mexicola that's a really interesting perspective. I'm curious about how breastfeeding doesn't fit with modern life.

Having to return to work relatively quickly, having responsibilities outside the home or for older children that have school or club commitments so can’t nap in the day so want a good sleeper or no cluster feeding, not being able to wear what you want on the top half, having to completely always look after your baby in case he/she needs feeding and won’t take a bottle…

Twizbe · 23/03/2023 20:12

None of that is new though really. Women have had to deal with all of that since the dawn of time.

But on your points

Having to return to work relatively quickly - you have to take at least two weeks off. Nearly everyone I know who has returned quickly has been at least 6-12 weeks. About 80% of them have breastfed and expressed. All were self employed.

having responsibilities outside the home or for older children that have school or club commitments - older children aren't a barrier to breastfeeding.
so can’t nap in the day so want a good sleeper - bottle feeding has no scientific basis for 'good sleeping' my EBF baby slept through my night from 8 weeks. My combi fed baby did not
or no cluster feeding - all babies cluster feed, that's an instinct. It might not last as long initially for formula fed babies. They might still do it during growth spurts
not being able to wear what you want on the top half - I could wear what I liked really. I do tend to wear lots of wrap tops or vests under jumpers even now years after feeding.
having to completely always look after your baby in case he/she needs feeding and won’t take a bottle - my bottle refuser was a very easy baby to leave. I just timed my day around it. As they get older they go longer between feeds like all babies. Once weaning starts it can go longer.

A lot of this is assumption and not based on scientific evidence

YukoandHiro · 23/03/2023 20:15

To put it another way, half of women stop before their babies are even two months old. The lack of support (and realism about what bf entails in those early weeks) is responsible.

Albiboba · 23/03/2023 20:27

Personally I don’t understand why combi feeding isn’t counted in the stats.
What is it about having the odd bottle that supposedly undoes any goodness from breastfeeding?
Exclusively breastfeeding at 6 months is apparently 1% but combined feeding is 34% so not that tiny at all!
Why is it good is a baby has one or two feeds a day from the breast but if they have one bottle as well as two breastfeeds in the day it’s suddenly ‘sad’ or ‘horrendous’?

Blanketpolicy · 23/03/2023 20:34

Twizbe · 23/03/2023 20:00

@Albiboba I neither agree or disagree. I was curious to know what she meant.

Returning to work at 9 months is no barrier to breastfeeding.

With both mine at that age I could (and did) leave them for a working day with feeds just morning and night.

I returned to work FT at 7 months and also continued to feed morning and night until he was a year old and he self weaned.

Everyone should make their own choices, but there are a lot of perceived "barriers" if you don't have experience of other mums successfully managing bf and work.

When I was the only one in my circle bf I got lots of questions about how hard it must be (well for first 8 weeks it was) and then being surprised when I explained how straightforward it was once established. Some voiced regrets saying if they had known they would perhaps considered different choices.

Babyboomtastic · 23/03/2023 20:48

I'm glad this discussion had stayed a lot more friendly than other similar ones on here. Interestingly effort my ff baby did sleep a lot better (and we shared the nights so I really wasn't tired at all), babyhood is such a short period.

They are 3 and 5 now. They are now both equally bad sleepers 😂

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/03/2023 21:14

Twizbe · 23/03/2023 20:12

None of that is new though really. Women have had to deal with all of that since the dawn of time.

But on your points

Having to return to work relatively quickly - you have to take at least two weeks off. Nearly everyone I know who has returned quickly has been at least 6-12 weeks. About 80% of them have breastfed and expressed. All were self employed.

having responsibilities outside the home or for older children that have school or club commitments - older children aren't a barrier to breastfeeding.
so can’t nap in the day so want a good sleeper - bottle feeding has no scientific basis for 'good sleeping' my EBF baby slept through my night from 8 weeks. My combi fed baby did not
or no cluster feeding - all babies cluster feed, that's an instinct. It might not last as long initially for formula fed babies. They might still do it during growth spurts
not being able to wear what you want on the top half - I could wear what I liked really. I do tend to wear lots of wrap tops or vests under jumpers even now years after feeding.
having to completely always look after your baby in case he/she needs feeding and won’t take a bottle - my bottle refuser was a very easy baby to leave. I just timed my day around it. As they get older they go longer between feeds like all babies. Once weaning starts it can go longer.

A lot of this is assumption and not based on scientific evidence

My 3 month old hasn't cluster fed so far. Every 3 hours during the day like clockwork since birth.

We'll see if any of that changes when the 4 month sleep regression hits.

I went back to work very recently and I knew it would be possible to express and work but formula feeding from the start felt easier. Of course, I didn't want to breastfeed anyway so it just felt like another pro to me.

DementedPanda · 23/03/2023 22:55

I breast fed dc1, then when dc1 was 16 months I gave birth again dc2 ams I struggled and wasn't gaining. Midwife offered us a place at a after birth care centre to get breastfeeding established but I couldn't leave dc1 so declined and did mixed feeding

SwordToFlamethrower · 23/03/2023 23:41

I can't wit to get to the 13 month mark breastfeeding my daughter because my mil told me when I was first introduced to her that it is child abuse/pedophilia to breastfeed past that age, pahahaha!

4 months in and she is telling us we need to start her on purees now!

Classic mother in law stuff, pure gold 😆

Kuiper · 24/03/2023 00:08

It must depend a lot on the area/demographics - I live in an affluent part of London and 50% seems low from what I've seen at baby groups. But I never ask about people's choices as I know it's a touchy subject - for all I know they could be feeding expressed milk in a bottle and breastfeeding at home.

We have lots of breastfeeding support around here too (free, council funded). Never went to any of them as I never had any issues (breastfed DD1 until 3.5, probably will do same for DD2). I think I rarely breastfed out of the house beyond a year old though, as it was mainly in the mornings/evenings. I don't think even my family (outside my household) knew I was still breastfeeding as I don't make a point about it.

Allthingsfloralandpatterned88 · 24/03/2023 00:30

I live in an affluent area and I'd say the vast majority of mothers breastfeed until at least one and those who don't it's usually for a medical reason e.g. their milk supply was very low. I don't know anyone who chose to formula feed from the outset. So I think demographics make a huge difference.

I fed DS until 14 months however he had formula the first week of his life and then some more sometimes in the day when I was back at work at 9 months. So even though I fed him round the clock for over a year he'd not be considered EBF which might explain the stats!