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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Birthday "celebrations"

9 replies

Goatcurry · 23/03/2023 10:44

I'm in a bit of a birthday funk. Every year I make sure my husband and the children feel special on their birthday, cards, gifts, decorations, flowers, special breakfasts, lunch and dinners, homemade cakes, parties, days out, you get the gist. Most years I'm forgotten. This year dh is "trying to be nice" he hasn't got me any cards yet, my present may or may not turn up in time, he's invited people over Friday, Saturday and Sunday as a surprise, only he's told me, presumably because he wants me to sort the house and food out while he looks like a doting husband. Quite frankly I'd rather get a takeaway, a bottle of wine and watch a film or go out somewhere nice. I tried discussing this with him but as usual he just gets defensive and tells me I'm ungrateful. So AIBU I don't feel like I've got much to be grateful for in this situation.

OP posts:
missmydad76 · 23/03/2023 10:49

Write out a really clear list for him of what you want:

  • card
  • wrapped gift
  • no housework
  • flowers

etc

see if he follows it. Do not lift a finger this weekend. Just sit on the sofa/lie in bed and ignore any hints or requests to do any chores.

Goatcurry · 23/03/2023 15:08

It would just be nice to have one day a year that I didn't have to manage/ organise everyone and everything.

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 23/03/2023 15:45

missmydad76 · 23/03/2023 10:49

Write out a really clear list for him of what you want:

  • card
  • wrapped gift
  • no housework
  • flowers

etc

see if he follows it. Do not lift a finger this weekend. Just sit on the sofa/lie in bed and ignore any hints or requests to do any chores.

This ^^

StripeyDeckchair · 23/03/2023 15:52

This is on him, do NOTHING

Don't buy/make food or drinks for the people he's invited.

be honest when people ask questions - no I've not had my present & card yet from DH & DCs I'm guessing they're are keeping it for when everyone is here, I'm so excited DH has organised this, it's so nice to have something done for my birthday for a change

DONOT step in & bail him out by doing all the work in advance or while people arr visiting.

Cornishclio · 23/03/2023 15:58

Don't organise food etc. if he invites people he sorts catering.

Northernsouloldies · 23/03/2023 16:24

It would be a no to the three days of visitors, guaranteed its you op that will be run ragged not Dh. Hope you have a nice birthday nonetheless.

Sweetener12 · 24/03/2023 06:33

What missmydad76 had said! Don't organise a thing, don't lift a finger, give him a list of things you'd appreciate to get on your birthday and let him sort it out. If he really wanted to do something nice, he would be asking you first and planning a dinner and making a smartshow 3d birthday video to surprise you with, not inviting people over and expecting you to prepare everything despite your actual wishes. It's not a celebration for you, it's a tick in the box for him.

coodawoodashooda · 24/03/2023 07:23

My xh used occasions as way of administering his abuse. I'm always suspicious of this shit.

Sparkletastic · 24/03/2023 10:47

Unless you really want three days of visitors I'd be telling him that's not happening

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