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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Manage Poor PIL relationship

1 reply

petterflies · 23/03/2023 07:18

Hello,

Struggling a little here with my in laws and need some advice from the wise people of mumsnet.

They’re staying with us until Monday and have been here two weeks already, helping out with childcare during our move from UK to another country. They’re good people who the children love and I was grateful for their support while we got up and running in new place but DH has extended their stay so much, I can’t tolerate it. They don’t live in the same country as us so when they visit it tends to be for at least a week but this one has been way too long. I’m at my wits end and need some help getting through the next few days.

My complaint is they are intense, always here, on the sofa, cooking and constantly talking/ commenting, never go out to leave us in peace even for an hour. I find FIL especially irritating, see him as unaware person eg playing loud videos on his phone while others are watching tv. He dominates the kitchen, frying and is offended when asked to use extractor fan.

It’s a build up of small things but came to a head drama-wise when he left raw meat uncovered in the fridge: I took it out and told DH it needed to be covered. FIL was angry, offended and saying I was stupid for being annoyed about this. He’s dramatic, upset never coming back again etc.

There is a language barrier and I tend to ask to DH to ask FIL to stop doing things that are annoying eg walking around munching biscuit without a plate right after I’d swept the floor- this was also offensive apparently.

AIBU? Should I never ask FIL (via DH) to modify his behaviour, when it bothers me. How do I handle this conflict. FIL is flouncing around like a sulky teen.

I can be unreasonable and over sensitive so also would like to hear your suggestions on dealing with annoying house guests.

Thank you

OP posts:
whateverwillbewillbewontit · 23/03/2023 07:40

Having family and in-laws staying with you for an extended period can be really stressful, especially if there's a clash of different living styles etc. when it comes to families I often think
'Can't live without them, can't live with them'. They can be as annoying as crazy but ultimately if there's mutual love and respect, you find a way through. Having said that, I'm sure I'll shortly be eclipsed by a MN poster who will tell you to LTB. 😘

As they are otherwise good people and are helping you out, I'd personally grit my teeth and get through the next few days (just keep your eyes on the prize of a nice quiet home when they're gone!).

However, it's good to talk to your DH and explain it was just too much and you don't want to go through that again, so next time you either stick to the agreed amount of days they can stay or you figure out an alternative arrangement. Good luck!

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