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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have "parented" someone else's child?

34 replies

coverp · 22/03/2023 19:47

We were at a birthday party for a friend of DS (turning 4) this afternoon at a softplay/little world place. They play for an hour then have tea and cake.

There's 1 particular ride on toy that all the kids want to play on. So they're taking turns. DS has been waiting about 10 mins. It's his turn and another child (older sibling, aged 5) snatches the toy and starts riding it. DS is upset. I look at the mother who rolls her eyes, shrugs and laughs.

DS comes over. I say "never mind, let's let Freddie have a turn and we can play something else. We'll make sure you get a turn". 15 mins later and Freddie is still riding the bike (DS has asked to have a turn several times and been ignored) and we get given a 5 minute warning for tea. Freddie starts taunting DS - riding the bike over to him, getting off then jumping back on when DS tries to get on. I look again at the mother who is laughing. I walk over and say to Freddie "that's not kind. It's time for DS to have his turn now, get off please". Which he does.

Mother then comes up to me and says "I don't need you parenting my kids thanks". To which I reply "well I thought someone needed to". She's spitting nails and storms away.

YABU - helicopter parent, let DS deal with situations himself

YANBU - you gave her every opportunity to step in on unacceptable behaviour, perfectly fine to make sure DS gets his turn

OP posts:
Boomboom22 · 22/03/2023 19:49

Clearly she does need you to parent him as she's happy for him to bully younger kids. Cheek!

allthelittlelights · 22/03/2023 19:49

Ha! This would be totally normal in my country. Useless woman.

ditalini · 22/03/2023 19:51

YANBU. She sounds insufferable.

44PumpLane · 22/03/2023 19:52

YANBU.....she sounds like an arsehole

Dacadactyl · 22/03/2023 19:52

100% you were right to step in.

I'd have done it earlier though...the second he got on the bike when it wasn't his turn, I'd have told him straight up to get off that second.

SunshineAndMonsteras · 22/03/2023 19:52

Of clurse YANBU. It takes a village, doesn't it

TomHanksIsFuckingAmazing · 22/03/2023 19:52

Lol good for you!

LSSG · 22/03/2023 19:52

I think I'd have been a bit kinder in my words with the boy (he's 5) but what you did was fine imo. Esp if ds is only 3, there's a power imbalance.

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 22/03/2023 19:53

Yanbu.

SparkyBlue · 22/03/2023 19:53

Nope YANBU. I'd have done the exact same

Albiboba · 22/03/2023 19:53

I don’t think it’s parenting someone else’s child to tell them to stop being a little shit imo.
This ‘no one else can say anything to my little darling - mama bear’ garbage just serves to raise entitled kids.

Oysterbabe · 22/03/2023 19:53

And then everybody clapped.

Thepeopleversuswork · 22/03/2023 19:53

YANBU

She could see her son was taking the piss and she chose to do nothing.

You weren’t “parenting” her child anyway you were making sure your child wasn’t excluded. If you had stepped in at five minutes it might have been a bit helicopter but the kid had plenty of time and she knew he was holding other kids up.

She sounds lazy, defensive and thin-skinned. She probably was embarrassed not to have done it herself.

RedRobyn2021 · 22/03/2023 19:55

I don't blame you, but I'd have told her to get her son off the ride first. He's just a kid, she's meant to be an adult what excuse does she have.

Good for you OP I find stuff like that really difficult

BasketFlowers · 22/03/2023 19:55

YANBU

MMMarmite · 22/03/2023 19:56

YANBU

I feel sorry for her kid though. She is raising him to be a bully with no social skills.

BertHandsome · 22/03/2023 19:58

Mother then comes up to me and says "I don't need you parenting my kids thanks". To which I reply "well I thought someone needed to". She's spitting nails and storms away.
Excellent! She’s annoyed you’ve pulled her up on her shitty parenting. Parents like her ruin playgroups for others

Penguinsmum · 22/03/2023 19:59

Good for you! She should have been watching him!

SmileyClare · 22/03/2023 20:03

Oysterbabe · 22/03/2023 19:53

And then everybody clapped.

😂

Original poster
coverp · 22/03/2023 20:08

@Penguinsmum I think my main issue was that she WAS watching him, but just found the whole situation funny

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 22/03/2023 20:08

You weren't parenting her child. You were parenting yours and making sure that he was stood up for.

Mumoftwosweetboys · 22/03/2023 20:39

YANBU

That other mum should be ashamed. If my child does anything that is upsetting another child and is unfair I'm normally straight in there making sure he's behaving (and my other mum friends are the same).

Isledelaray · 22/03/2023 20:40

Well mine is only 2 so it may be a bit different, but I would have gently stepped in the first time if my son had been waiting and his turn was taken away from him.

LakeTiticaca · 22/03/2023 20:51

YANBU. The brat needed telling. One day he'll try it with another slightly bigger kid. Said kid will lamp him one and he will think twice before doing it again

whatthebejesus · 22/03/2023 20:52

Yanbu. I think you were very reserved! I'd have said something 10 mins prior 😂