about our respective areas of responsibility

[Reservoir13]

Husband works from home mostly, while I'm in the office most days. On Monday, our cleaner had been around and probably placed some items she found on the floor higher up, to facilitate cleaning.
When I came back from work and walked into the kitchen, I immediately saw that a bag with foodstuffs (drinks etc.) had dropped from our windowsill onto the (warm) heater below. So I asked all those present in the kitchen if they hadn't noticed this (ok, I admit, I sighed and then asked). My 2 teens immediately raised their shoulders but my husband went into a complete huff and puff on how on earth he was supposed to have noticed that. Two days later, he is still huffing and puffing re. how I dare to hold him responible for something that he clearly didn't do. I fully accept it was not him/them that left the bag on the heater but what I don't understand is how he can not see that the bag was there and take action upon noticing. I'm pretty sure that if it was the opposite and I was working (for instance) in his workshop all day and a bag of tools had fallen in a puddle of water he would have expected me to take action before. This seems minor, but is a bit a red thread in our relationship currently. He has responsibilities that are clearly defined (doing the laundry, dishwashing, car maintenance etc.) and anything else falls completely outside his care. Dead fly on the kitchen counter? If I don't move it, it is there all week. Laundry in the middle of the upstairs corridor? ditto. Empty cereals packaging? ditto. Is it me being unreasonable?

Collective weaponised incompetence. Lovely.

It's time you deliberately ignore anything they drop and leave around the house. See how they like it.

To be fair I think it was the cleaner’s fault for doing that without looking at what was inside the bag, but I agree it’s not on for your dh to opt out of everything outside of his agreed areas of responsibility.

Anything to do with laundry, if that is your designated responsibility, fair enough. But anything that’s outside of an allocated job should be shared. Especially when he is presumably creating a lot of the mess while he is at home!

He should also be doing a fair better job of setting a good example for his teens.

far better!

I think your DH is doing a poor job as a husband and father tbh.

He's essentially teaching your DC that it's the woman's responsibility to clear up after the men and that doesn't bode well for the next generation of your kids are either male or female (or both).

Does he want his daughters to be skivvys for men?

Does he want his sons to be sexist twats?

If not he has to parent better by displaying equality between the sexes and doing his fair share (without moaning) any less makes him a pretty crappy parent and husband.