Child Maintenance - Do I or Don't I?

[MEK18]

The father of my daughter and I split up 2 and a half years ago and until June last year, we were Co-Parenting on a 50/50 basis.

She started school in September just gone and her Dad said he couldn't continue the 50/50 due to his work schedule. I had to change my own work schedule to work around her schooling. Luckily enough for me, I work for a family company, so this was relatively easy to do.

Her dad has never paid me child maintenance and I, admittedly, have never asked for it and when things were particularly tense between us when we first split up, I said I never would. I think this was more guilt, as I ended the relationship and he was incredibly hurt at the time.

Move on two years and I live in my house with my daughter and we have a coparenting split that now works in my favour. I have her 3 nights a week, he 2 and we alternate weekends.

Financially, I believe he earns around £10k more than I do - although I cannot be sure of this as he started a new job last year. With the cost of living having gone up and my wages having not changed, money has become much tighter.

AIBU to now ask for Child Maintenance Payments when I previously said that I would not? His argument has and always will be that my parents will help me with money if I need it, which again, to be honest, they do. We have not had a particularly civil relationship until, probably the last few months (it was HELL for a while!) and I am worried that asking for support financially will rock the boat again and inevitably cause tension again which my 4 year old picks up on.

You're not unreasonable to ask, but it sounds like you're almost 50/50 so be might not 'have' to (according to CMS I mean).

The type of bloke who would kick off about having to pay is a dipshit.

YWNBU to ask but I assume he’d just go back to a 50/50 childcare arrangement. He’s unlikely to want to pay you maintenance for the sake of one night a fortnight.

His argument has and always will be that my parents will help me with money if I need it

Your parents don’t have a financial responsibility to your Dd, he does would be the simple reply to that.

Have a look at the calculator and see if the amounts make it worthwhile the hassle (depending on incomes it may very well do, but equally it may not - check before you apply)

So out of 2 weeks, you have her 8 nights and he has her 6 nights, there’s not a lot in it, does he pay for anything else, clothes, clubs, school uniform etc., I’m sure everyone here will say put in a claim for CMS, but if it’s going to rock the boat, only you can decide if it’s worth it.

Also have a look at what CMS would do with 50/50.

It’s not automatically no maintenance, but it can mean none.

As he has her 6 days a fortnight, you might not get very much. It might be worth putting into a CM calculator to see the actual number it gives.

Yep. And that is, quite frankly, a disgrace and a reason why our current child benefit system is not fit for purpose.

his argument has and always will be that my parents will help me with money if I need it, which again, to be honest, they do.

fuck off sunshine!

Why is it a disgrace that one parent often wouldn’t pay maintenance to the other when it’s near enough a 50/50 split?

It’s not. It’s a disgrace that, even with a 50/50 split, a lower earning parent could end up owing child maintenance to the higher earning parent because the system is so exceptionally flawed.

It wouldn’t happen that way with an equal 50/50.

It’s only where the incomes are vastly different that they get involved. So that you don’t have, for example, the child of a footballer and a cleaner or the child of a CEO and a janitor ending up with vastly different lifestyles in each home.