Doing nothing after school

[happysingleversary]

It's one of those where I'm a mother who feels inadequate.

My ex was very critical of me and it's made me really hyper vigilant.

My daughter does drama school and gymnastics and dance class, so three classes for the week. She never tires. On Sunday I try to chill as no work and I can just switch off, but still she complains she is bored.

I read to her every night bar the odd night I am really exhausted. I read for over an hour, a proper book.

So the nights where we come home from school, have dinner, chill with something on the telly while she plays and has colouring stuff out - is this enough or is this neglectful?

she definitely needs down time, she needs to learn to relax, and entertain herself, and have unstructured time.

children complaining of "boredom" are quite often over stimulated, and without the capacity to regulate themselves.

Down time is important.

learning to be bored is important.

some children have lives so scheduled they don’t know what to do when something isn’t planned for them

and, down time is often the most fun, most creative, and cosiest quality time with a parent

Okay, that makes sense.

As a child I played alone all the time. I was an only, so is she, and I have really fond memories of my downtime just playing and making up worlds in my head.

Just chilling in the house with something on the telly in the background is lovely for me. Sometimes we listen to music and I show her music from my childhood or she asks for songs.

We have a lovely life really. I just have sort of panic attacks about stuff and feel on edge a lot as my ex was very controlling.

Yes, I am getting help for my anxiety <3

Sounds perfect to me. Some activities and some down time / relaxed evenings. I think that’s totally appropriate after school. Plus it does everyone good to relax and spend some time entertaining themselves

My kids do no clubs or things after school they would be too tired. I do have 4 though so they entertain each other.

Why are you reading to her for an hour? That sounds like a really long time!
Can she read something by herself. If not cut it down to half an hour and then spend the other half hour doing something just for you.

She needs to learn to be bored and quiet. Netflix has a meditation show on at the moment which is rated "U" and DC were quite interested to watch it.

They've gone from getting the zoomies to being able to sit and read quietly.

Thank you. She does like Cosmic Yoga on youtube. She's actually gone to play with the kids across the road today as she asked to. She's just so full of energy and I feel guilty doing nothing with her.

I read a novel with her to expand her brain. I loved reading as a kid. It's like our time to bond and be together in a story.

I do have alone time. I'm just going through a lot and my brain races but my work allows me to have me time thankfully as it's freelance so I can pick if I need a day off.

Thanks for all your input.

You're doing amazingly well, stop worrying. Personally I think three extra curricular activities a week is PLENTY and the last thing she needs is another club. My child does two clubs during school hours. After school is kept free for downtime/telly, free play, reading, drawing, whatever they like really. We often stop by the playground on the way back from school but that's it. They really need downtime more than we realise and actually, adding more and more activities doesn't help them any more so than those kids doing a few less activities. So when she says she's bored, embrace it and let her be bored. Don't be afraid of the boredom or feel like you need to fix it. Let her find her own way of problem solving that, or just let her be bored. It can be hard and it feels uncomfortable at times but trust the process. The fact that she is busy most of the time means you have nothing to feel guilty about.

My DD does a sport on a Sunday morning, and that’s it. She’s with the childminder till 6pm every school night, often asleep by 7pm. Lone parent, ex isn’t around.

Most of her classmates do something every night of the week, but they all have two parents, who are a combination of SAHM/one or both have very flexible jobs and share the driving around between them, and Grandparents do the childcare.

@cigarettesNalcohol Thank you so much for saying that.

We actually go to my dad's on the weekend to chill out as there's no laptop so no chance of work, no school, just relaxing with TV which we don't have at home, we only have streaming stuff.

I just want her to be happy and have a good life.

How old is your daughter OP (sorry if I missed it!)

This sounds totally normal OP! I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old, we come home from Nursery run at 3.40, telly goes on, snacks and juice and I start making tea at 4/430 while they watch TV, or play or colour. I haven't got time to do anything after nursery really! Occasionally in the summer, I'll pack a picnic tea and go to the park on nice afternoons or they'll play in the paddling pool but in the winter, we hibernate!

You're doing more than me! I think children need to be bored sometimes and entertain themselves. I keep telling mine I'm their mother not their entertainer. They need calm time. Fair play reading for an hour a night, I rarely do longer than 10 mins

I think it also matters how old your child is, but I think it’s all fine really.

three clubs seems fine- that’s only two evenings where you come straight home.