Primary school safeguarding

[UndercoverMam]

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable with my expectations or not. I feel like I'm not but am prepared to be corrected. I have name changed for privacy.

In November last year my year 1 daughter (6) was touched up her skirt, on her pants, by a boy in her class while they were sat on the carpet. The boy apparently laughed at her while he did this.

She spoke to us about it the following weekend so we emailed the head who asked us in for a chat and she listened to my daughter explain what had happened. She thanks her for explaining it and told our daughter she believed her and would deal with it. The head then told us she would write up what hd been said and get us to sign a copy.

We haven't heard anything from her since but assumed she was dealing with it appropriately. However, our daughter is still expected to work with this boy and although we requested he be kept away from her, he isn't. He has also since punched and kicked her in the stomach at playtime.

As a side note but we think probably related, our daughter has struggled with going into school on a morning since around the time this happened. (We only just linked the two things in our heads this week) she will kick and scream and point blank refuse to go in and most days has to be picked up and carried in crying
I feel so bad because I wouldn't want to go to work every day with someone who touched me like that.

I don't know what we should be doing. Should they be keeping him away? What do I need to ask the head? Will there be a file? Or should there be?

In my professional experience never, ever trust a school with a safeguarding issue

OP take a look at this document - The statutory guidance for schools and colleges on safeguarding children and safer recruitment:
Keeping Children Safe in Education.

In Part five: Child-on-child sexual violence and sexual harassment (starts on page 104) there is some very pertinent information on how the school should be keeping your DD safe. In particular on page 114 it says: ”When there has been a report of sexual violence, the designated safeguarding lead (or a deputy) should make an immediate risk and needs assessment.” and has some detail about what that risk assessment should cover. It might be good to push for this in the first instance.

It makes clear that a single unwanted kiss can constitute sexual assault (page 105). And talks about ongoing harassment and harmful sexual behaviour. Don’t let them fob you off with the idea he is too young for this to be sexual. Your DD is experiencing it as harmful sexual behaviour and they need to treat it as such. (Also, if he’s targeting girls for this treatment there is, on some level, an element of discrimination in his actions linked to his victim’s sex).

It also says (page 120) that the starting point for sexual assault (which is what the kissing and hands on underpants would seem to be) is that it should be reported to the police. If the perpetrator is under 10, that presumption to report remains, though the police will take a welfare rather than criminal investigation approach. It may be that, given that the behaviours are at the lesser end of what constitutes sexual assault, police are inappropriate. And you may not want your DD to go through being questioned etc. So I wouldn’t necessarily push for this. I don’t think it necessarily benefits your DD providing the school start to take it seriously and involve social services.

Thank you so much for this. I was going to speak to the headteacher in the morning but I might just send this instead and keep her off.

For people asking, there is another class in the year. My daughter doesn't want to move classes though and lose her class friends and I don't think she should have to.

When we had the original meeting she said "well, children will explore" 🤢 so I replied "well not with my child they won't"

I mean, should she be saying that? Children will explore?

I know young children sometimes do but it's mutual exploring, not touching someone up their skirt and laughing.

Ask the head to move the class of your child ? And someone to watch her during playtimes . In the mean time I think you should look to move schools as this seems very traumatic for your dd and you all.

She should not be saying that and that sort of thing is explicitly called out as something she should not be saying (or taking as the basis of her approach) in the statutory guidance I linked above.

The school normally lists the safeguarding lead on their website. I would find out who they are, and contact them, explaining the situation in confidence. If they don't already know about it, I would be asking questions, but they may have a plan that they can share.

OP has already said the safeguarding lead is the head, who is the point person she's been talking to about the incident.

Similar happened when my DD was injured severely and repeatedly in primary. Met with head who write up incident, but nothing changed, so I reported online to social services. The boy was then moved to the other class in the year.

I agree with the PP who said if there is another class in her year group, ask for her to be moved classes. I know there may be downsides to this but I think it's likely to be the best way to protect her as well.

Have you spoken to the class teacher about keeping her separate from this boy?

If not, I would do that as well- I'd ask if the teacher was aware of your concerns and that the plan was to keep them separate. And if the teacher comes back and says she was not aware, or can't keep them separate, then obviously address this further with the head.

I’m a primary teacher. I don’t believe that they’ve dealt with this properly, it doesn’t sound like they’ve put effective measures in place to protect your DD and haven’t communicated with you. At the very least he should be sitting directly in front of the teacher on the carpet and nowhere near your daughter.

Something similar happened to my child. The safe guarding teacher was the head teacher too. After weeks of going in & complaining with nothing being done I went in & said I’m reporting it to MASH as sexual harassment.

They soon listened. Now the child in question is kept well away from my child & the teachers have strict rules not to let him near mine or be alone at any point.

Please don’t let them fob you off, because they will play it down. You can also report it yourself to MASH. As this child could be getting it done to him. That was one of my concerns for the other child.

Jesus, this is awful. Your poor DD.

Firstly, write to the Head and cc the Head of Governors plus Council Head of Education or Children’s Services if the school isn’t an Academy. Ask what they’re doing to safeguard your daughter and remind them they need to refer the boy to social services.

Also phone NSPCC and local social services. The boy that did this is, tragically, probably being abused at home: that would explain his sexualised and aggressive behaviour. Local authorities must be made aware.

Finally, you need to protect your DD if the school won’t. It seems unfair for her to have to move, but maybe better if she’s frightened and if the school won’t expel this boy. Is moving school an option? Or a local all girls school?

By leaving her where she is you’re inadvertently telling her her safety and comfort don’t matter. This sets her up for a potential lifetime of problems and potentially disordered behaviour. Please: raise hell with the school, council and police if needs be AND move your child.

I don't think leaving her where she is because SHE doesn't want to move is telling her that her safety and comfort don't matter.

She has had her class friends since nursery and really doesn't want to move classes.

Wow!! Unbelievable! This is a serious concern and she has brushed it under the carpet!

Also you can speak to your local safeguarding board for advice and the safeguarding policy should be on the school website. Most schools copy and paste from the local council one and adapt them!

Could also ask NSPCC for advice on how to deal with the situation with your daughter so she feels empowered (it’s great she already felt able to tell trusted adults), so how to reinforce this. Their ‘pants’ resources are great.
They may also be able to offer advice around KCSIE as child on child abuse and sexual harassment are major points in September 2023 updates. All staff have to be familiar with at least part 1 of this document so might be worth reading.