Jane and John the manipulative bell end

[Jibberdy]

I’ve upset my best friend and I don’t know what to do.

My friend, call her Jane, and I have been friends for 20 years. We’ve been through marriages and divorces together, and a string of dramas some with hilarious consequences, others not so.

Jane met her new boyfriend , John, about two years ago. He was a childhood sweetheart who’d gone off married two others (not together) and they ‘found each other’ again. I tried to like him but without going into too much outing detail he was already in a relationship with someone else when they got together. He treated his partner pretty poorly to be with Jane and in my opinion is a bit of a player.

Cut to the chase, I think John is a manipulative cheating wanker. He’s playing Jane like all the others - I’ve seen and heard what he’s up to (no hard proof of cheating but certainly manipulation).

Latest drama involves Jane and John moving into the house he shared with his ex, who he’s chucking out!! His house, she rents from him (another story).

I asked Jane if she thinks he’s manipulating her. She went nuts! Of course not, she’s the happiest she’s ever been. He’s a dream boat blah blah. She’s gone silent on me now and I’m worried I’ve damaged everything.

WIBU for commenting on her relationship?

Jane is giving up her independence and her own tenancy in her own name to live in John's house and pay part of his mortgage for him.

This is clearly fucking nuts, even if he was the best guy alive, unless she’s going on the mortgage. I’d advise someone in her position to bank the money saved on rent to be used later to buy a place together, or to buy in when they decide it’s permanent. This is the worst of all worlds for her.

She probably knows deep down you’ve got a point. Was it unreasonable to say something, obviously no. Was it advisable in terms of how friendships work to say exactly what you said, probably also no. I had a similar issue with my lifelong best mate when DH was BF. On paper he sounded like a red flag factory. She said something and though we didn’t fall out, it threw me into a bit of internal turmoil. I thought she was wrong about him (she was, 17 years of happy marriage later😜) but also her reservations weren’t completely out of left field. I felt judged and also worried that anything I said after that about our business might have supported her position. Friendship and judgement don’t really mix, that’s why it’s so hard.

Is she actually blanking you or just keeping you at arm’s length?