To want to go on holiday?

[LaMigraine]

OK, so, some background: at the end of April last year I went to Greece for a week with a friend on a super cheap package (£340 inc flights, airport transfer, and half board at a 5-star hotel). We thought it must be too good to be true but it wasn't, it was amazing and we had a lovely time. The question is whether we go again this year.

The cost has gone up, about 40%, but still fantastic value IMO as I know exactly what we'll be getting, having done it before. But DH is pretty unhappy about the idea. His view is that last year I really 'needed' a holiday (which is true, things were quite tough for various reasons) but that doesn't apply this year, plus we are going on a family mini-break in the Easter holidays (3 days, UK-based) and have also booked a 10-day family summer holiday in France. So why do I need/want to go away on yet another holiday? Now, I get that the timing isn't ideal, but it's April or never, because once you get into May the prices for this particular deal skyrocket, and it definitely wouldn't be justifiable.

I will pay for the holiday myself, we both work full-ish time but I'm self-employed and can take on extra work to cover the cost of this holiday; he argues that we still need to pay for the summer holiday we've booked, which is true except that there is a plan in place for that which involves income from a side hustle that doesn't require any work from either of us (sounds dodgy but isn't, I promise!). He also doesn't like the idea that I would be away for the May bank holiday weekend, which means missing a particular event in his mum's village which we often go to as a family (although this is not set in stone; some years we haven't gone but have done other things instead).

I think he thinks I'm being selfish, and I am a bit, but I feel like it's 'allowable' selfishness - being able to truly relax away from kids and home, spend valuable time with a close friend, and just generally recharge mentally. I would be delighted if he did the same and regularly try to encourage him to go away on his own or with a friend(s) to do similar, but he's not interested. We can't yet do this kind of holiday as a couple, either, as we don't really have anyone to leave the kids with for longer than a night. Kids are early teen and pre-teen, btw, so still youngish but not so young that looking after them solo is that much of a big deal - that's not an element of it that particularly bothers him.

So I'm really torn. I can see his point of view and can understand why he is miffed about the idea; on the other hand, I do think we have quite different perspectives on things. I don't feel that you have to be depressed to justify going on holiday with a friend for a week, and with elderly parents with various issues and close friends with very sick family members, both young and old, over the last couple of years I've really started to feel that life is for living and we have to make the most of things where possible. He is more circumspect and much more about just cracking on with the daily grind without expecting too much more, if that makes any sense.

Would love to know what others think, as I'm just going round in circles at this point!

Life is too short and if you can afford it I say go for it!

You should go. If it were me, I would. A bit of time away from the kids makes you a better parent imo. That’s what I tell my husband anyway.
Have a lovely time, OP.

I think you should go too as you can afford it and you want to; as long as he can do a similar trip if he wants

I would go, but myself and DH have always gone on holidays with friends. Usually a week or a couple of long weekends each once a year, most years.

When the DC's were younger it would depend on finances, we would always prioritise paying for family holiday first, but it sounds like you can afford it.

As long he gets a similar opportunity or access to a similar amount of personal spends for a hobby etc then it’s fine to go. None of us actually ‘need’a holiday and it isn’t for him to decide if you do or not.

I would be delighted if he did the same and regularly try to encourage him to go away on his own or with a friend(s) to do similar, but he's not interested

The number of times I hear this, and it’s always the male ime. You have so much to gain, and so little to lose, given that you’ve worked out costs of all your events. Trouble is - HE isn’t interested so can’t understand why you are. I’ve found that it’s also not that common for couples to do this (again, in my experience) so there’s that, too.

Its a bummer. I’ve had to dig my heels in over the years and not be guilt-tripped into not going on the rare, short, solo trip. As long as no one is being disadvantaged by you going, which by the sound of it they won’t, I’d make arrangements. I’d also point out how very, very unhappy you would be if you felt bullied into not going. Ask what exactly his objections are, how he can enjoy having the house (and TV remote) to himself, or whatever is applicable, and that “a happy wife is a happy life.” 😁

I agree that you need to seize these opportunities. Good luck

Definitely go. Your husband and his family can go to the well-dressing or whatever folksy shite it is without you.

I think he’s being a bit miserable: if you had young children then I would understand if it then meant a lot extra for him but with older children it’s not that much extra. We have young children and we both do weekends away which is manageable and I’d like to think that when ours are older we wouldn’t resent a week away

Nah, stay at home and warm his slippers.

LightsOnNow haha, he's really not that guy, I promise! He's generally very relaxed and normal about me doing stuff for myself and we're pretty much 50/50 on childcare and household chores too, which is why this particular grump is giving me pause.

One other thing that occurred to me is that he's regularly away for work, only in the UK and only for a night or two at a time, and it is work, but it means he can stay in nice hotels and have fancy dinners on someone else's tab, which as a self-employed person I never get to do. Not quite the same as a week in the sun, granted, but I feel like it's relevant!

OP, I know.... as you guessed I was kidding.

Just go with your gut feeling, it's usually the correct one.

I'd be inclined given possible energy price increases later this year to give it a miss. The local village event probably needs all the support it can get.

Perhaps then spend more on eating out etc in France when you go.

He also doesn't like the idea that I would be away for the May bank holiday weekend, which means missing a particular event in his mum's village which we often go to as a family

Why can't he go with the kids? Why do you need to be there?

Just book it. From your update he has plenty of "downtime" away from the hustle and bustle of family life. You're paying for it, so it doesn't impact him.

Remember to bring him a stick of rock back.