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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how she affords this?

43 replies

Goldencoatedeggs · 22/03/2023 09:51

A friend of a friend (yes I know, but this is real!) is on universal credit and uses food banks once a week. She has four children and lives in social housing.

She was chatting to me and my friend the other morning and mentioned she was off to Spain during the Easter holidays. Then she joked about how much she’ll enjoy all the food and went on to say how she’s going all inclusive, with all her four children during the school holidays!!! I can’t afford that and I’m working part time (my partner works full time), we would really struggle to afford all inclusive during school hols.

I thought oh maybe it’s a one off or something, even though I was shocked. Then she went on to say about her experience doing the same the year before and about the plane journey etc!

I know I’m probably going to get attacked for this post but I don’t understand how she can afford this, but still uses food banks once a week. It’s making no sense to me.

OP posts:
Hence · 22/03/2023 09:52

Maybe her mum paid for it... does it matter? It is none of your business really.

SpinningFloppa · 22/03/2023 09:52

Parents paying?

Lochroy · 22/03/2023 09:54

Honestly, I don't get it either. So many things I would have considered luxuries just seem standard these days. We don't have Netflix or Sky, I only got a smart phone years after everyone else, I don't get my nails done.

Perhaps it's credit cards?

ladykale · 22/03/2023 09:54

Someone is probably paying for part of it like a parent or sibling...

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/03/2023 09:55

I expect someone else is paying.

Original poster
Goldencoatedeggs · 22/03/2023 09:55

I believe she’s estranged from her parents. Obviously someone could be paying but I wonder why they’re not helping with food costs if she has to use a food bank every week.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 22/03/2023 09:57

You don’t need to understand it. She’s a friend of a friend, not a close friend of yours. Even if she was a close friend of yours to be honest you still wouldn’t need to understand it. Focus on yourself and your family and stop comparing yourself to others.

CantAskAnyoneElse · 22/03/2023 09:57

Sugardaddy?
OF?
Loan?

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 22/03/2023 09:57

ive a good friend who earns close to 100k she takes her sister who is on UC and neice away a couple of times a year…

Sacmagique75 · 22/03/2023 09:58

Using the money she’s saved by going to food banks, perhaps?

Ishefuckingkiddingme · 22/03/2023 09:59

is on universal credit and uses food banks once a week This is why. Clearly she gets enough help to be able to save for luxuries like everyone else.

I was a bit put out by a Guardian sob story about a woman who was choosing (note she was admitting she was choosing) to only work ten hours each week saying how unfair the system was. Her take home each month from UC and her 10 hour per week job was more than my 50 hours per week job that required a postgraduate degree. But, realistically, people make choices. UC is not secure, it’s harder to find a place to rent and almost certain you won’t buy a home, you won’t have a good pension etc etc. There are many benefits to working even if you don’t see it at the end of each month. On top of that, it’s not her DCs fault so I’m glad they’re getting a nice time.

It’s hard but the best attitude is to just realise that her having something doesn’t mean that you have any less. But it does sometimes sting if it feels like you’re working harder for less - whether that’s compared to someone not working on UC or Justin Bieber getting £136281927292 for a used tissue.

Ishefuckingkiddingme · 22/03/2023 10:00

Goldencoatedeggs · 22/03/2023 09:55

I believe she’s estranged from her parents. Obviously someone could be paying but I wonder why they’re not helping with food costs if she has to use a food bank every week.

Because food banks will give her food - they won’t give her a holiday. What would be the point in funding something she could get for free? It’d be a complete waste of their money.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 22/03/2023 10:01

Some people can play the system. It could be a cheap term time deal paid for by cash work. If you can afford to go on holiday though you shouldn't be using food banks.

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/03/2023 10:01

🤔only she will know.

Surplus2requirements · 22/03/2023 10:05

I try to help my sister get away once a year, not Spain though I would if I could afford it. I don't help with her day to day expenses.

What's your point? People who have trouble putting food on the table don't deserve a break?

They should be grateful for a long weekend in a leaky tent in Wales?

Boogersandsnot · 22/03/2023 10:08

This does infuriate me, and yes I understand someone else may be paying for it but likely not. I know of someone similar who does not have someone to pay for their holiday other than the tax payers. Me and hubby work fanned hard and last year, and again this year, can’t even afford our yearly camping trip in the uk

Original poster
Goldencoatedeggs · 22/03/2023 10:09

No, I’m not saying that, but I wouldn’t expect people using food banks every week, would be able to go on an all inclusive holiday abroad during school hols.

But as people have said, maybe I should mine my own business. I guess I’m a little bit jealous as we can’t afford to take our son away this year as we just can’t afford it with cost of living the way it is

OP posts:
Laiste · 22/03/2023 10:12

I guess she's saved up?

She's been assessed as being eligible for UC. She's going to a food bank once a week, again presumably eligibility based on income. (although some are drop in, like our local church one).

Is it more likely she's earning large sums of cash in hand for work that she's not declaring, and absolutely loving eating food bank food, living in social housing and going to spain once a year, or is it more likely her day to day life is pretty basic (social housing, food bank use ect) but she manages to save up to take her kids away once a year to spain on a discounted holiday?

Boogersandsnot · 22/03/2023 10:15

Laiste · 22/03/2023 10:12

I guess she's saved up?

She's been assessed as being eligible for UC. She's going to a food bank once a week, again presumably eligibility based on income. (although some are drop in, like our local church one).

Is it more likely she's earning large sums of cash in hand for work that she's not declaring, and absolutely loving eating food bank food, living in social housing and going to spain once a year, or is it more likely her day to day life is pretty basic (social housing, food bank use ect) but she manages to save up to take her kids away once a year to spain on a discounted holiday?

But to take 4 kids on an all inclusive during the holidays will cost a fortune. It’s not exactly a budget holiday 🤷🏼‍♀️

KillingLoneliness · 22/03/2023 10:17

Maybe she got an inheritance or maybe a different family member is treating her to it?
A relative of mine was gifted money to go abroad by her Nan, it was all inclusive and there were 4 of them going away. She is also on UC and living in social housing.

SnarkyBag · 22/03/2023 10:18

Well there are some right shit hole hotels that do all inclusive so not it’s necessarily costing a fortune!

premicrois · 22/03/2023 10:18

Why didn't you ask her?

Soakitup37 · 22/03/2023 10:19

maybe she’s robbed a bank or taken out a bad loan, maybe a family member paid for it. Maybe she’s coming into some money which is enough to treat the kids. Or maybe she’s swindling the system (not sure how you do that on uc and food banks)

Who knows? what I do know is it’s none of your business.

Original poster
Goldencoatedeggs · 22/03/2023 10:20

I do get all that. But she said she went last year too and the same all inclusive trip.

OP posts:
gazpachosoupday · 22/03/2023 10:21

premicrois · 22/03/2023 10:18

Why didn't you ask her?

^^ This