Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Just one gift that MIL doesn’t have please!

17 replies

Nololono · 21/03/2023 20:58

Exactly that really.

For the past three years, my DH has bought me and my MIL the same gift as each other for Christmas and Mother’s Day - a necklace, perfume etc. When I’ve organised to see a show with the kids, he always invites his mum, and if we go on holiday we can’t go a day without DH telling the kids “let’s take a photo for MIL!”

This year is a big birthday for me, and I asked him if, when he took my DS and DD, he could ask them to pick a bracelet from a local shop for their mum. It’s not expensive at all (£10), it’s just the the fact that they would be picking it out for me. And he then said “oh, that’d be nice for MIL too, for her birthday”.

Because I am a dick and USELESS with confrontation I didn’t say anything, but I was so upset - I don’t want the same fucking gift as my MIL!

So, am I being precious, and should be grateful to be getting anything (I know I am 😬)or is it okay to want a special gift that’s just between and my DC’s?

OP posts:

Weallgottachangesometime · 21/03/2023 21:01

Yes it’s ok to want a gift that is specific and special to you.

Really you do just need to tell your partner though if you don’t want the same gift or his mum coming to a show with you.

Sounds to me like he’s being lazy, and taking the easy option of getting you both the same.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 21/03/2023 21:01

Just spell out it isn't very thoughtful keep getting generic gifts...
Or suggest a trip to Ann Summers for your big birthday...

Crikeyalmightey · 21/03/2023 21:04

Send him the link to lovehoney😁

ArrabellaAM · 21/03/2023 21:06

Definitely ask for some lingerie or something like that 😂

Original poster

Nololono · 21/03/2023 21:15

Weallgottachangesometime · 21/03/2023 21:01

Yes it’s ok to want a gift that is specific and special to you.

Really you do just need to tell your partner though if you don’t want the same gift or his mum coming to a show with you.

Sounds to me like he’s being lazy, and taking the easy option of getting you both the same.

Yes, this is probably all it is, I think I’m just reading too much into it. I need to grow a backbone 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

Nololono · 21/03/2023 21:17

If the lingerie/toys don’t stop the Matchy gifts I’m pretty sure we’re doomed 🤮

OP posts:

FiveHundredDucksWentOutOneDay · 21/03/2023 21:34

How did this start?

What is it that you're worried about if you tell him you don't like this?

I'd be gutted at this, if I'm honest. Not because of any personal feelings towards my MIL; but just because it'd make me feel like buying me gifts was a tick-box exercise, and something "a woman would like", rather than my husband thinking of things I would like as a person... things that I would like, if you see what I mean?

EsmeSusanOgg · 21/03/2023 21:38

I'd tell him that having the same gift as his mum for big events doesn't feel very thoughtful. That sometimes you want something just for you, and his mum likely thinks the same.

Make it clear it is the thought that counts, and you want to be thought of as you. Not as any other woman he is related to.

Original poster

Nololono · 21/03/2023 21:54

FiveHundredDucksWentOutOneDay · 21/03/2023 21:34

How did this start?

What is it that you're worried about if you tell him you don't like this?

I do, and yeah, I get that. The thing is, the gifts were bloody lovely, and absolutely the kind of thing I like.

Tbh, I feel like I have “form” with MIL - we’ve had words about him treating her like a third parent before. As a rule I can talk to him about anything, but he always gets a bit narky when I bring up MIL. He loves his mum and is her only child, so I get the closeness and protectiveness, and try to let it slide. But this bracelet think has got right on my tits 😂

(is this what they call drip feeding?!)

OP posts:

Original poster

Nololono · 21/03/2023 21:54

EsmeSusanOgg · 21/03/2023 21:38

I'd tell him that having the same gift as his mum for big events doesn't feel very thoughtful. That sometimes you want something just for you, and his mum likely thinks the same.

Make it clear it is the thought that counts, and you want to be thought of as you. Not as any other woman he is related to.

This is perfect! Thank you 🙏

OP posts:

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 21/03/2023 21:56

Get him and your df the same gifts. Say you thought it was fair...

EsmeSusanOgg · 21/03/2023 21:57

No problem! I suspect he's not really thought of it like that. And I bet MIL would like something different sometimes too!

Pearfacebananapoop · 21/03/2023 22:02

How old is she? 60? 70? I'd start dropping blatant hints like "that's not for me perhaps it's for an older lady like your mum"

Original poster

Nololono · 21/03/2023 22:22

Pearfacebananapoop · 21/03/2023 22:02

How old is she? 60? 70? I'd start dropping blatant hints like "that's not for me perhaps it's for an older lady like your mum"

Early 70s. I would do that, but MIL always makes a point of saying how much she likes my stuff every time we see her, and where did I get such and such from, so I don’t think that’d work? Can’t blame her mind, I do have excellent taste 😁

OP posts:

Sweetener12 · 22/03/2023 05:14

I feel for you OP! I get making one smartshow 3d video card to send several people, but getting similar gifts is a no for me, I wouldn't do that, it just doesn't feel right idk.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a gift that was meant just for you and someone had clearly put thoughts into! However, I'm not sure hints or same gifts for him and a friend would go a long way here, the open comminication would be 100x times better. Tell him directly how you feel about that, ask for specific things. Gift giving may just not be his "love language" hence the similar gifts.

DizzyLizzyKizzy · 22/03/2023 05:18

Crikeyalmightey · 21/03/2023 21:04

Send him the link to lovehoney😁

thebestbirtheraccordingtoDD · 22/03/2023 06:34

I wouldn't like this either. DH bought me and mil the same thing once. A bloody lamp ffs. He never made that mistake again.

Flip