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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh and DSD aibu?

17 replies

bathtimeducks · 21/03/2023 19:09

NC for this as it will be outing.

DSD is 18. Has a brother who is 13, live with their DM.

Dh doesn't get to see dsd often as they both work different hours.

He said months ago we were all going to go out for a meal for DSD birthday when the 2 of them could arrange time off together. Came in from work this evening and told me him and dsd are going out for dinner on Saturday, I said "ohh are we not invited?" (Me and my dd) He said no, just him and dad and we will all arrange a day together soon.

Aibu to be slightly pissed off? DSD never interacts with me of dh (fair enough she's at the tricky age and working etc). I feel slightly excluded as it was a plan to all go together now it's been changed to just they 2.

I get he wants time alone with dsd but we are supposed to be a family & do things together...

I am fully prepared to be told iabu as I am hormonal and 7 months pregnant.

OP posts:
Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 21/03/2023 19:11

Ask dh what plans has he made for dd to share in her dsis's celebrations? As an adult you can see he wants to spend time with dsd but how is he explaining that to a small dc...

Nimbostratus100 · 21/03/2023 19:13

sounds like there will be two celebrations, one is time with his dad, one is time with everyone.

I would expect an 18 year old boy to want time with his Dad rather than time with his Dad's pregnant wife, tbf.

Dinersaur · 21/03/2023 19:13

I think you're being completely unreasonable. It will be nice to be the two of them.

You don't say how old your dd is but I'm presuming younger? Can see why it will be nice to be the two of them.

Blort · 21/03/2023 19:14

Is it possible DSD asked for thr just the two of them? If tou trust DH I'd trust he judged the situation and decided it would be best for him and DSD to bond. Say you will throw a movie night all together or something afterwards in honour of the birthday.

SunshineGeorgie · 21/03/2023 19:14

It's no big issue

He said you will all do something together at a different time

GoodChat · 21/03/2023 19:14

YABU. She doesn't see her dad often. It's good for them to spend quality time together.

Even if she was a shared daughter there'd be nothing wrong with her wanting to catch up with one parent.

Being a family doesn't mean doing everything together.

GoodChat · 21/03/2023 19:15

Nimbostratus100 · 21/03/2023 19:13

sounds like there will be two celebrations, one is time with his dad, one is time with everyone.

I would expect an 18 year old boy to want time with his Dad rather than time with his Dad's pregnant wife, tbf.

It's an 18 year old woman. It's his daughter.

It's besides the point, but just a bit of a strange comment.

Coffeellama · 21/03/2023 19:15

She doesn’t see her dad often and she wants time with just him, totally reasonable and nice for both of them. Hopefully you get to do something with them another time.

Nimbostratus100 · 21/03/2023 19:18

GoodChat · 21/03/2023 19:15

It's an 18 year old woman. It's his daughter.

It's besides the point, but just a bit of a strange comment.

Show quote history

well, I would say the same, whether it is a son or a daughter

Original poster
bathtimeducks · 21/03/2023 19:19

Thank you all. I knew deep down iabu. Didn't say anything to dh about it except "that will be nice". Everyone is right we can all arrange something together another time. Thanks again

OP posts:
Mabelface · 21/03/2023 19:20

She wants some time with just her dad, and that's fine. You'll see her next time.

whumpthereitis · 21/03/2023 19:22

She’s at an age where she gets to decide whether she wants to have a relationship with you. It doesn’t appear that she does, and her relationship with her father doesn’t need to be dependent on her having one with you.

SNWannabe · 21/03/2023 19:25

I think the dinner is fine, maybe he wants to be able to buy her an alcoholic drink etc, so more of an adult meal out than a family one. I would expect to also celebrate even just in a small way with dd too though- getting a cake or balloon for her big sisters 18th... is she your husbands daughter too?

TomatoSandwiches · 21/03/2023 19:27

Dynamics change when there are more family members around, especially younger ones, she is entitled to have a bit of alone time with her dad, you know that and they also mentioned time you can all have together so you haven't been excluded completely.
I think you're understandabley probably a bit tired and irritable from the pregnancy, make sure you are looking after yourself.

davegrohll · 21/03/2023 19:28

whumpthereitis · 21/03/2023 19:22

She’s at an age where she gets to decide whether she wants to have a relationship with you. It doesn’t appear that she does, and her relationship with her father doesn’t need to be dependent on her having one with you.

No need for that really is there... if she wants to see just her dad that's totally fair enough but don't make out it's because she doesn't want anything to do with op!

MichelleScarn · 21/03/2023 19:30

Is your dd his dd?
Has she just turned 18 the dsd? If so.maybe she wants to go out for some alcoholic drinks like a 'grown up' with dad?

whumpthereitis · 21/03/2023 19:32

davegrohll · 21/03/2023 19:28

No need for that really is there... if she wants to see just her dad that's totally fair enough but don't make out it's because she doesn't want anything to do with op!

Show quote history

That was based on the ‘dsd never interacts with me’.

my point is that she’s allowed a relationship with her father that doesn’t need to depend on her having one with OP.

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