To say no to them sleeping over...

[Ohwhatanight0]

Having a night out in a few weeks with the DH and up until now DCs have only slept at my Mums when we are out/away. PIL have said they don't want them to stay which is fine. However SIL has now come and asked if they can sleep at her house. They go to hers a bit in the daytime when PIL are there and have been occasionally there on their own for an hour here and there.
DH is being very adamant that he wants them to stay there, he said its only fair they should stay at my family's your Mum always has them etc....
I have a couple of concerns regarding her MH/aniexty and the kids do push the boundaries when they are with my Mum so I do worry about them getting silly and her not coping! I have suggested she comes and babysits at our house a couple of times and puts them to bed here before they have a sleep over.
I'm not sure if I am being unreasonable?

you are not happy with the arrangement, so the answer is no

How old are the DC?

I think your suggestion seems reasonable if she has MH and anxiety problems and you feel she may struggle to cope. It’s no fun being out if you’re just worried about the kids the whole time anyway.

Does she have medically diagnosed anxiety and mental health issues or have you assigned those to her yourself ?

6 and 7

Yes medically diagnosed and has been struggling recently - not sure why I would diagnosed her!

Your compromise suggestion is very sensible (for the kids sake and SILS). If she doesn't enthusiastically recognise that and comply, than you'll know your hesitation about her hostworthiness was entirely correct

You never have to make any childcare arrangements "fair" to the adults in their lives. Your only responsibility is to your kids and ensuring they are going to be safe and comfortable. In this case (ie not an emergency situation) that means someone they know well looking after them in their own home.

Agree with dh they can indeed they stay at sil's in principle..but he can drink soft drinks only incase they don't settle and need picked up... See him swap arrangements..

Depends what you’re actually worried about - if you’re concerned for the children’s safety and well-being, or the children are adamant they don’t want to go, then of course you’re reasonable to say no. They aren’t toys and you don’t have to share them fairly.

But they are your husband’s kids too and it sounds like she knows them well and has babysat in the daytime before so if your concern is just that they’ll run rings around her/be silly and she’ll find it really hard work then if your DH and SIL are both determined then I’d just let them - worst that happens is she has a sleepless night and never has them again.

why can’t someone with MH problems and anxiety look after children? I have anxiety and depression and I’m more than capable of looking after my niece and nephew, yes I have my own children but even before I did I looked after my niece.

it will be so exciting your children staying with their auntie and most likely will behave as they’re not used to it so will feel special. I really can’t see a problem, I’m sure if something happened your PIL would help out.