AIBU to think that perfectionism is more nurture than nature?

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Been discussing this topic with teacher and other friends and we all had slightly different ideas as to the approximate contribution of nurture v nature, but we all seem to agree that perfectionism appear to stem from how you were raised and family context.

Of course, certain level of perfectionism is good i.e. being conscientious, caring about handing in work that is of a good standard and on time (though I'm not sure I would call this perfectionism myself), wanting to 'win/be the best' and succeed but the pendulum can often swing too far towards the more negative aspects: i.e. a strong drive to be perfect in EVERY part of your life (never getting told off, never sharing strong opinions i.e. always being diplomatic even children) which can lead to fear of failure and anxiety/depression. One of my friends said that a large proportion of those who committed suicide at uni had perfectionistic tendencies and a highly significant proportion had 'fear of failure' traits.

What I've observed (and through hearing from teacher friends), there are kids who seem to be self-driven and self-directed perfectionists but when you scratch the surface, they have been brought up in families where it's always - even if done in a very considered, encouraging way - a culture of ALWAYS trying your best and to produce your 'best work', from a very early age (again, aspects of this is very important for success).

They have also noticed perfectionistic tendencies amongst children whose parents are themselves highly educated and successful (maybe coming from a family where everyone went to top universities for example) and although very supportive without being critical, there is still the expectation to always hand work in that is their best work, which often means a fair bit of parental input in terms of discussing and contributing to homework. The idea being that if children somehow feel they can't 'fail' (i.e. hand in a less than optimal piece of work once in a while), it puts pressure on them to always strive for perfection and so a fear of failure develops?

So - I would like to hear your views? Do you think that being too involved and always being there to support your child to achieve their very best (e.g. discussing/helping with homework, rushing to school to drop forgotten homework off so as not to achieve a warning/mark etc) is the root of this or is it mainly hereditary (nature)? Perfectionism is on the rise as is helicopter parenting. Is there a correlation there?

I should add that we definitely recognise that there is a hereditary component too. E.g. I believe those who are more naturally 'anxious' are more likely to become perfectionists if also then exposed to the above in a family setting/when growing up.

I don't know whether it's nature or nurture, (I suspect more the latter), but my observation is that the perfectionist girls/women I've known seem to have been more likely to develop eating disorders or go in for compulsive exercising. It also seems to be linked to people pleasing and fear of disapproval in the women I've known. Feeling the need to always be 'perfect' isn't healthy IMO.

It's possible to help with homework and nurture your child's talents while also making sure they understand that failure is ok, and that it doesn't matter if someone disapproves of them occasionally.

I’m a perfectionist but grew up in a “as long as you’ve tried” type household. Not pressured to be perfect at all. One of my DC showed signs of being a perfectionist early on so I’ve being actively trying to change his perceptions as I can see it coming out the same way it did with me…taking ages to complete work as it has to be perfect, not trying new things of you can’t do it perfectly first time, feeling like a failure if things aren’t 100%. I knew how these things made me feel and how much it hindered me over the years so I’ve been super conscious about not encouraging or developing perfectionism. I’ve got twins and the twin who is most like me is the perfectionist and the other twin is not (he’s like his dad so has catastrophising as his cross to bear!).

I think a lot of perfectionists are anxiety driven, so fear based perfectionism can be really negative
But other people are genuinely highly conscientious and have a great eye for detail, and when it's self motivated it isn't necessarily problematic. A lot of creative people are perfectionists, but are also not afraid of taking risks or experimenting initially. Whereas fear based perfectionists will often limit themselves to doing things they know they can get perfect, and then that is negative. I have two Dc with perfectionist tendencies, one is self motivated to constantly improve on their own work, the other gets frustrated and demoralised easily. The difference is that the one who gets frustrated and demoralised easily is anxious.

Maybe teach more resilience than perfectionism. Some flow through life with ease and then meet a problem and it floors them. Most of us have multiple set backs along the way and we go on because we have to.

The head teacher that recently committed suicide rather than face that her school was rated inadequate. Not meeting standards can be sorted; it's not worth a life although I suspect there were others reasons and not just dropping from outstanding to inadequate. I mean lots of schools are inadequate or good and lots never get outstanding.

I'm not a perfectionist but I think I suffer from perfectionism.

Everything I do is rubbish but if I strive for perfectly perfect, then it will scrape into "acceptable"...That's sort of how it works for me.

It's really shit because it's all the downsides of perfectionism with none of the upsides like lots of money or success!

I think it's just my personality tbh. Growing up there was always stuff I was great at (not anymore) and stuff I was shit at (still shit now) and when I was shit at something it always made me panicky. It is a continuation from that.

DD1 is a perfectionist. Never pushed her to do anything she always did it herself. Always wanted it to be as right as she could make it.
Dd2 and ds, well is there an opposite of a perfectionist? DD2 is "do as little as I can get away with and bluff if I'm caught out" and ds is "do the bare minimum to keep out of trouble."
Dd1 is more like her dad, although she's definitely far more extreme than him, and dd2 is more like me, again more extreme. Ds is a mixture.

They've been brought up with the same encouragement to work and take time off too.