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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this isn’t really fair

46 replies

Jiie97 · 20/03/2023 23:37

Maybe I am being unreasonable but wanted to get opinions.

A family member of mine recently rehomed a puppy. They are at work during the day, 8am-4pm Monday and Tuesday and then home about 1pm on the other days. I’m currently not working so they are expecting me to come and puppy sit whilst they’re at work. I’m finding it difficult, he’s a lovely dog but very bouncy and none stop and is a big breed (it’s 4 months old but quite big already) all the usual puppy traits, walking him, playing with him, trying to get him out to toilet.

I feel as though the responsibility has been passed to me when it’s not my dog. I told them how I felt and they said I was being ridiculous and didn’t have to help and that he can just stay in his crate all day whilst they’re at work and that he will get used to it but I really don’t think that’s fair on the dog. Aibu?

OP posts:

blebbleb · 21/03/2023 07:59

I don't think she needs to her a job to justify not looking after someone else's dog!

blebbleb · 21/03/2023 07:59

*get a job

Firefly86 · 21/03/2023 08:04

Jiie97 · 21/03/2023 01:17

I should add we don’t live in the same household

Why are you there then?

I'm sure you're just a kind person who wouldn't see harm come to the animal but you're doing yourself no favours and enabling the owners behavior

FionnulaTheCooler · 21/03/2023 08:08

Why are you doing stuff like fixing the water bowl and stopping it from chewing stuff when the owner is actually there? You're being a bit of a mug, you need to step back and make the owner realise that you're not going to take the consequences away for their poor decision making.

MsCunk · 21/03/2023 08:15

It's a terrible situation for the poor animal, but you can't keep stepping in, either.

Think about your options, and what consequences you're willing to accept.

Stop visiting - knowing the pup is crated all day. Relative is angry and blames you for the damage done by the untrained and unsupervised dog.

Keep visiting - your time is further and further encroached until the dog is de facto yours. Relative blames you for any training or behaviour issues that come up, including any damage done by the dog.

Secretly re-home it? Extreme perhaps, but it looks like your relationship with this relative is doomed regardless....! And at least the dog wouldn't suffer.

DogsDryWineAndCheese · 21/03/2023 08:17

If you have the time (and mild inclination) to carry on helping out for the sake of the puppy, I’d tell them that as it’s become a long term arrangement you’d like £10 a day.

Aelathehuntress · 21/03/2023 08:27

YANBU. I’ve been in a similar situation. Went round a couple of times to help out when my parents got a new dog & then it became expected of me. I felt like it was taking over my life & then I got bad attitude when I was late going round one day like they didn’t respect my time. I would advise anyone not to get roped into this sort of thing as you get taken for granted & feel unappreciated. They probably should not have got the dog but it’s not your responsibility. Tell them you can’t do it anymore. And no, you don’t need to get a job just to get out of this expectation.

DurhamDurham · 21/03/2023 08:32

You clearly don't want to do it and I don't blame you. You need to stop being a martyr and stop it now, the longer you leave it the harder it will be.

Penniless · 21/03/2023 08:33

You’re being a complete mug, OP. Separate that from animal welfare issues.

SpookyBlackCat · 21/03/2023 08:39

I think maybe you are making the situation worse. Just step back and leave them to it. They will probably rehome the dog, which would be in its best interest.

Penniless · 21/03/2023 08:41

SpookyBlackCat · 21/03/2023 08:39

I think maybe you are making the situation worse. Just step back and leave them to it. They will probably rehome the dog, which would be in its best interest.

Actually, that’s a fair point. The OP, with the best of intentions, is in fact facilitating a situation that is bad for the dog.

Ttwinkletoes · 21/03/2023 08:41

Penniless · 21/03/2023 08:33

You’re being a complete mug, OP. Separate that from animal welfare issues.

This ^^

memyselfi · 21/03/2023 12:53

I can't picture how this situation came to be.
When you say 'roped into it ' did they ask you to provide doggy day care ?
Wouldn't you just decline ?

Mamaneedsadrink · 21/03/2023 12:57

In a crate all day?? Is that even legal? I'd stop looking after the puppy, it's not your problem and I'd probably report them for neglect/abuse as well

whattodo1975 · 21/03/2023 12:59

Are you looking for work ? What would they do if you started a new job on Monday?

GingerBoot · 21/03/2023 14:03

Not sure why everyone is querying after OP's employment status. They dont work. The reason why is none of our business. They gave that information for context not for everyone to question whether she is looking for a job. The topic is about dog care, not the reasons why OP doesn't work

Newestname002 · 21/03/2023 15:02

@Jiie97

The more you give in to demanding people like this, whatever it is they think YOU should do - whether that's looking after a puppy or anything else they want or feel entitled to - the worse your life will be. That applies to family, friends, employers, whoever.

Time to get yourself some personal boundaries and get some control in your life so you are not steamrollered by people who want what they want without consequences. 🌹

GlassBunion · 21/03/2023 16:39

Poor dog but I'm concerned that you feel obliged to sort their problem out for them.

Why do you feel that you ought to do this considerable favour' for them?
Do they have some sort of hold over you that makes you beholden to them?

This situation is untenable and is going to reinforce their notion that they can manipulate you. Would they ask you to stay in and take a delivery for them or to wait for a boiler service engineer?

You need to tell them that you can no longer help them. It's sad for the dog but it's not your problem or responsibility.
With a bit of luck, and I use that term very loosely, the dog will develop behavioural issues and will then be rehomed to someone who will love and care for it properly. Cruel but there are some effing stupid dog owners around at the moment who have bought into dog ownership because everyone else has

Just say 'no more' as it's tying you down.

cartagenagina · 21/03/2023 16:43

Could you have the doggy at your home OP?

And where’s the photo?

Ktime · 21/03/2023 16:44

Today I looked after him 9am till 3:30pm and was told ‘you don’t have to be here, he could have just stayed in his crate’ but I can’t let that happen

They are relying you on wanting to let that happen. Call their bluff and stop going round there.

Ktime · 21/03/2023 16:44

cartagenagina · 21/03/2023 16:43

Could you have the doggy at your home OP?

And where’s the photo?

This is OP's life, why should she have to have the dog in her home?

And is a photo necessary to form an opinion?

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