AIBU for stopping ExDP from seeing DC?

[Weejit]

DC has been very ill with a chest infection that resulted in a hospital visit. ExDP came to hospital with us. The next day he tested positive for COVID but asked if he could come over. I said no as I didn't want to risk DC getting another respiratory illness, but as soon as he tested negative he would be welcome. He agreed that DC's health was paramount.

Tonight, completely out of the blue, he sent messages saying he was looking into his rights because I 'can't tell him when he can and can't see his DC'. He said 'he would take me to court and that he will be seeing DC when he sees fit, not when I say so.'

Was IBU to stop him from bringing his COVID germs to our already very sick child?

If I'm NBU then what do I do next? I have no desire to go to court and I actually want exDP to see DC. He is the one that isn't showing up.

Background:
We have had a horrendous year where exDP had a mental breakdown, and a painful physical injury. He became depressed and suicidal and drank his way through it. He lied about the drinking and was nasty. I was unable to support him as much as he wanted emotionally as I was feeling the strain myself, walking on eggshells around his volatility and doing 100% of the childcare with a needy toddler who didn't sleep well. The relationship finally ended a couple of months ago when I found out he had been having an affair for the 2 months prior. He blames most of his problems and the affair on my coldness towards him when he was at his lowest. My 'coldness' was me suggesting that he need professional help, trying not to lose the plot myself and do the best for our child. Sometimes he accepts some culpability but it rarely lasts.

He didn't see DC for the first few weeks post break up as he 'found it too much' and 'couldnt handle seeing us'. He was sending me tirades of abuse daily and threats of suicide. I really want DC and dad to have a good relationship so I have tried to be as understanding and flexible as possible but he hasn't actually turned up to a lot of the times we have arranged because it's 'still too difficult'. The last time he was meant to come round he didn't even tell me he wouldn't be coming and ignored my messages. Until this COVID incident I have never stopped him from seeing DC.

He’s very unlikely to take it to court. He’s just venting / blowing hot air - perhaps because someone’s putting ideas in his head. Do your PiL have an axe to grind over your leaving their son?

In the circumstances I think you were right to suggest he not see your DC. Hopefully, once he calms down again, he’ll recognise that himself.

Ignore him. If he goes to court, it will be the court rather than you telling him when he can see his DC. How would he gain from that? And if you're talking about him visiting your home, he has no right to do that and no court would grant it.

You've got to take on a safeguarding role. He doesn't sound as though he's got your DC's best interests at heart. They aren't going to have a good relationship. He's going to be a constant let down and bad for your mental health. It probably would be better if he went to court. You were right to refuse contact and the court would agree.

You do what’s best for your child. And covid means he doesn’t get to see them.

carry on as you are, ignore the threats of court and suicide.

Ignore him, he’s just having a self indulgent rant to annoy you.
Can you imagine this getting to court? So you had tested positive for Covid, Mr ex-DP, and you wanted to visit your child and ex partner, taking Covid with you? He’d be laughed at.

He is very unlikely to take you to court. If he does, you will probably have a wonderful day.

Imagine the reaction he would get. “my child has a serious respiratory illness and I have tested positive for an illness that could kill him. I’m here today in court because my awful ex won’t let me come cough on him.”

with any luck the judge will have skipped breakfast and will be hangry so the smackdown will be extra good.

He is probably trying to frighten you into giving him his way. I would keep copies of everything he sends you in case you need it down the track.

Thank you all for your reassurance. I'm feeling much more positive this morning and know I was right to prioritise our child.

I think you are all correct to call his bluff regarding court. He has never been known for his organisational skills so it would be a stretch for him to actually sort that out. A special thank you to those who pointed out he would be a laughing stock if we did make it to court. You almost made me want to pursue it myself just to make a point!

I have asked him several times to tell me when he would like to see DC on a regular basis so we can make a proper contact plan but he always ignores the question. Our current ad hoc arrangement doesn't suit me as I can never make plans and it isn't sustainable.

♥️😂

How very odd of him. This just sounds like another volatile outburst, he's being totally illogical. You were just avoiding Covid, absolutely no need for all the drama.

He'd be laughed out of court!

I did just want to pick up on your last comment here though. Don't let it be ad hoc just cos he won't discuss set days. Just tell him that as he's not replied to all previous attempts to sort contact, that you will make your dc available on x days at x time (whatever suits you) and if this does not suit him then he'll need to go to court.

Suggest court is a good place for a judge to deem him mentally fit to have the dc unsupervised given his behaviour..

This is great advice

Good suggestion to just take control and offer the times that suit our routine.
I've been letting him take the lead and that clearly hasn't worked for anyone!