Aibu about my remains?

[TowerRaven7]

Not a taat but the death post reminded me of something that’s niggling at me so this is more of a WWYD. Dh and I were talking about our wishes and he has now decided to get cremated and his ashes buried in the cemetery his family is in. Fine.

I would like to join him, But if I go first I don’t want my cremated remains there ‘by myself’. My in-laws and generally his side of the family to be honest are quite toxic. I know in the end it won’t matter to me then, but it matters to me now and it’s bothering me. I can imagine his family ignoring my remains there just as they do me now!

I do belong to a Church now (in another country from dh’s family) and I thought to be buried there if I go first. But we very possibly will be moving to dh’s families country in the next 10 years. Great but now I’m back to square one again. Dh is a bit upset because we’ll be ‘separated’ if I go first and buried by myself here yet the thought of being with his family makes me ill now!! WWYD?

If it helps, put your wishes in writing based on your current circumstances. Tell those who matter that you have done this. Then when things change (eg. if you move), amend what you’ve written to fit the new circumstances. It saves you from mentally having to juggle lots of scenarios, and you know people are aware of your wishes.

Why not consider being scattered in a place that has special meaning for you, a lovely garden, even the sea? Ultimately your ashes are just that, ashes. Your soul will have left them.

First one to die gets cremated and kept by the remaining person who then leaves instruction for both sets of ashes to be buried / scattered together . Whoever dies last gets choice of venue .

MaryJean87 if you read the OP you’ll see it was more of WWYD.

Whoever goes first is kept in an urn and then the survivor gets to choose where you both go.

Just keep the ashes in an urn until the time comes to scatter them together. You aren't required to have them interred anywhere so no issues there.