Does anyone ever feel like a second rate human being?

[stupiditytax]

In light of the world we live in, where productivity and ability to be independent and materially successful are very important?

I have a serious physical health condition and just can't seem to accept that this is how my life has turned out, so now have appalling brain fog and anxiety as well. No children due to my disability. If I was a bloke no doubt MN would call it as they see it and declare me a cocklodger.

Am sitting here in tears because I am not managing my volunteering job, which I love, and yet again have to quit.

I try to be a good decent person (so I know I have value on a basic level as a human being) but I fail so much at everything that pragmatically, out in the world, I have nothing to add anywhere.

I literally contribute nothing to society and use up so many resources. It feels awful. How can i be ok with this and does anyone see where I'm coming from?

You sound interesting and lovely and an all round first rate person. Ignore the inner mean voices (much easier said than done!)

where productivity and ability to be independent and materially successful are very important

This really isn't how I see the world, or the people I choose to spend my time with. I care about what people are like, how they treat others, if they have interests I can hear about, if they are kind to family and friends. But I realise that sometimes it can feel like thoes things aren't valued by the world.

Each person is unique. Value of a person absolutely can not be reduced to what they produce in material terms.

I'm so sorry you feel this way

I've started backing away from friends because I feel so ashamed.

I am so full of despair today, I don't know how to contribute to society.

There are lots of ways you can 'contribute' and there are also lots of ways you can avoid being a burden, simple things like picking up your litter, not blocking the pavement with illegal parking, keeping noise to a minimum. Then there's things you contribute to friendships. I don't know what they are but presumably some people like you.
I'd be patronising if I said you're worrying about nothing. I'd hate to feel I was a 'burden'. Do you feel society should stop your benefits and kick you out to beg? I'm hoping the answer is no but if you're thinking actually sometimes I do feel that, you need to talk to someone. For crisis calls there's always Samaritans and then there's your own NHS Trusts services so GP, Psychological Wellbeing Teams etc and a host of charities.
If you'd like to contribute to a charity chose something you can do when you have energy/not in pain/feeling better...that doesn't require set hours. Are you crafty. Lots of knotting charities, so blankets for homeless, hats and booties for premature babies etc. Maybe become a reserve administrator for a local FB community group....or simply share a recipe, or a bitbof information you've gained. I've just read a post and found out cat chipping will become compulsory in England. I've passed that on to 2 friends. That's a contribution to society. Little things count.

Our society is predicated on the absolute, non-quantifiable value of each human being, and thank goodness it is.

Do you feel society should stop your benefits and kick you out to beg?

I don't get benefits. I am married and financially we are privileged, for now at least. Who knows what tomorrow could bring.

It was never meant to be like this for me though I always wanted to have an interesting job where I was competent and earned my own money.

simple things like picking up your litter, not blocking the pavement with illegal parking, keeping noise to a minimum. Then there's things you contribute to friendships. I don't know what they are but presumably some people like you

This doesn't feel enough though. I wanted my life to be more.

I don't believe in destiny but I do believe there's something to be learnt from every situation. I'm not trying to be harsh but I'm gonna treat you like an equal. Have you considered that it's YOU who judges people by what you can 'see'. You expected to have an interesting job/career. Does that mean the cashier in Tescos is less valuable than the lawyer? Tell that to her family. If you feel you are no one without life's trinkets you are missing something fundamental. Maybe you are now the person you once looked down on.
There is hope. Maybe not of a new body or mind but of a new outlook. I wonder if CBT might help. It would change your practical situation, but it might change your attitude.
I'm being brutally honest....and I feel kind of awkward saying this but I'm bloody glad that's not me. I know I'd find it exceedingly hard to cope.

If you're ill and married, regardless of children status, you aren't by definition a cocklodger.
Being a consumer benefits the economy. You create jobs with your needs and purchases so you do contribute. Presumably your husband enjoys having you around. The various volunteering roles and quitting is part and parcel of the volunteering experience, there is often a high amount of people using volunteering as a stop gap until something 'better' or paid comes along. Sometimes people use volunteering to experience different roles. Sometimes they volunteer because a typical job is too difficult for their circumstances. Don't give up, your free labour and contribution was worthwhile to the agency or charity. There are people who are objectively very successful and beautiful but these horrid voices tell them otherwise. The voices, inner critic or whatever you want to call it are irrational so one thing you could do is take a belief and find evidence to support or dispel it.
Another thing to keep in mind is that you will read very harsh and hastily written replies on social media by people who have their own agendas or their own stories and you just see a flippant judgy comment.. the truth is, not a single person in the world is admired and respected by everyone. They can judge you because of your religious choices, or who you married to or where you live, whether you work or don't, what you do for work, there are people who see married women as taking a job from a single man. There are people who see rich people taking up paid employment as immoral. There are people who will judge you for being ill and disabled. There are people who only respect certain jobs. Some hate police, some glorify them. Nobody has it easy. There is something nasty and mean that could be said about everyone you will be amazed. Fuck what people think, you will never succeed in being liked and approved of by everyone everywhere and so you will come across someone judging someone about a quality or circumstnce that you have in your life since people tend to be 'braver' when it's behind a screen but that doesn't mean you have to agree or accept what they think. Don't be a sponge for other people's values, some worship money and status some put kindness and family higher on what adds value to life. You need to measure yourself by what you decide is important and valuable in life.

You need to be ok with yourself and your own life by taking a kind and balanced assessment of your life and seeing how it aligns with your values. Then you might want to practice being grateful for what you have or make a plan on where you would like to be in x many years.

Have you considered that it's YOU who judges people by what you can 'see'. You expected to have an interesting job/career. Does that mean the cashier in Tescos is less valuable than the lawyer? Tell that to her family. If you feel you are no one without life's trinkets you are missing something fundamental. Maybe you are now the person you once looked down on.

@JudgeRudy I really don't judge anyone else, no. I have never looked down on anyone! I'm just envious of anyone who can hold down a job successfully!

And "life's trinkets"? I'm sorry what? We all need money to pay for rent and groceries and have some treats.

I wish I could earn so my poor DP didn't have to bear the full responsibility financially. Most adults want to do their fair share and it's hard to not be able to.

The fact that you care tells me you are a good person. Please don’t compare yourself to other people. No one else wants you to be anyone others than your good self.

I’m sorry life is feeling difficult for you. Sometimes we are our own harshest critics.

@stupiditytax I think you've misunderstood me. I don't necessarily think you've judged people but it seems your are making a judgement of sorts about what is important. Yes I understand we'd all like to be self sufficient and have measurable input, but I guess we'd all like to be attractive too, or at least not ugly, or maybe intelligent, young...whatever.
I think @HoneyPotBee and @Whatalovelypair have both said a similar thing and that's YOU decide what's important, don't feel measured by others yard stick. Grieve for the life that you won't have but don't let that define you. If you truly feel worthless, I say again speak to your GP or someone. No one should feel that way. You are enough