One and done? or my reasons are stupid?

[AnxietyLevelMax]

I always wanted more than one child. Always.

We have a 2 yr old son now. Finally paid of the debts which were caused by covid, purchasing the house, maternity, moving out of the previous city to a more remote area which resulted in pay-cut in my salary. I work PT at the moment.

I am 33 and husband is 37.

Do you think I am going to regret sacrificing one of many dreams, which is having having more than one child?

We don't save much, will be better when 30 free hrs hits in, but there is always something which needs to be purchased, done or whatever. We don't have family close by (they live abroad). I just want to enjoy our life and give the best I can to my son. I want to be able to go out, travel little bit, afford additional classes for DS if he wants to try some things. Want to be able to help him if he decides to go to uni.

I have a great husband, house which is perfect for us three, will need probably extension at some point in the future or loft conversion if we have more kids and if we would like them to have small but own bedrooms.

I just feel content at the moment and feel like I do not want to struggle any more...not that we are well off at the moment but it is getting easier. But there is that second thought at the back of my head....

Really don't know. Also I do believe that 'you have a son until he gets married and you have a daughter for life'..not that I can pick and choose but always wanted a girl too..

i meant to say "which is NOT having more than one child"

The having a son until he gets married thing is stupid. You don’t own children. You raise them and give them the skills to go off and be independent adults.
If you’re content with one then why struggle? Do you feel your family is complete?

No i dont feel its complete but it just feel’s alright at the moment and not struggling as much in the future is tempting

Also I do believe that 'you have a son until he gets married and you have a daughter for life'..not that I can pick and choose but always wanted a girl too..

that's definitely not true. My DH is ridiculous close to his mum!

If you and your husband genuinely want another child then have one. It sounds like you are in an ok position financially, so you'll be able to make it work.

But don't have another because you specifically want a girl. If you definitely don't want another boy, then don't try and get pregnant again if you know you'll be disappointed.

I would have liked a girl, but I love and am content with my 2 boys. I see families try and try for a child of the opposite gender and think it must be so damaging for the children they already have.

You can wrap yourself up in logic about finances or psychology reviews about siblings or building plans for extensions or government websites about childcare support for the rest of your life. None of that will help you know if you’ll regret having another or regret having one.

Do you want another child? That’s the only thing you can decide this on - you’ll regret any decision you make for any other reason.

I think you're young enough to wait a few years and see how you feel. I had two very close together, but wished I'd had a bigger gap, so my eldest had more quality time with us, before I had another.

So don't have another child. It's an increasingly ordinary decision. And reframe your frankly anachronistic thinking about your likely relationship to your adult son.

I could have written this about having a third! It’s that feeling that our family is pretty good right now. We have time / money and would an additional child rock this boat. I have always wanted three but I find myself being hesitant around having a third.

I think we are swaying towards not having another due to my health but I also think it’s a bit due to my childhood, large family and I was a middle child who felt very forgotten. I panic about giving my children enough attention.

I think I will regret not having a third but not in an all consuming way, more a what if we had. But i also think we will have an amazing life not having a third if that makes sense?

Firstly this - “you have a son until he gets married and you have a daughter for life” is a load of rubbish. Do not have another child if you only want a girl. You’re pretty young - assuming you had no fertility issues with number 1 I’d leave it a while and see how you feel.

Agree with pps - wait another year and see how you feel. And no reasons are ‘stupid’ - having one child is perfect if that’s what is right for your family.

Agreed.

thank you all for all replies. Some more good points to think about.

And I cannot answer if I want another child. I think I want but there is too many "but's" if that makes sense.

“you have a son until he gets married and you have a daughter for life” - I eye rolled so hard at this.

You might not get a girl. My boss has 5 children, all of them one sex.

We never wanted more than one anyway but I think another one is peak unaffordable right now. Don't rush if you're going to struggle month to month, or need to fund and source builders for an extension, or have no savings.

You might not get a girl. My boss has 5 children, all of them one sex.

We never wanted more than one anyway but I think another one is peak unaffordable right now. Don't rush if you're going to struggle month to month, or need to fund and source builders for an extension, or have no savings.