Co-sleeping age appropriateness

[barrywhitey]

My dd goes to stay with her dad a fair bit. He still co sleeps with her and I feel she's too old for it. I won't disclose her age yet, but will ask aibu to put an age limit on this? How old is too old?

I'm not at all concerned there's anything sinister behind it, just time passing and him not acknowledging she's growing up fast.

Well my ds still slept in with me occasionally until 11 then stopped of his own accord, so whenever they no longer want to is the right answer!
He did however have his own bed which he slept in 90% of the time. She should have the choice.

If you don't have concerns about anything sinister why is it bothering you?
Is it affecting anything else in life?

I think your DD will get to an age herself when she decides she doesn't want to anymore. Does she have her own bed at his?

My 3yo cosleeps with me every night. (Starts the night in her own bed, but comes in with me when I go to bed).
Almost 8yo and 6yo both still come in sometimes, but not as regularly as they used to.
I still used to go and sleep with my mum in her bed if I was feeling a bit delicate and just wanted a cuddle right up to when I left home at 16.

11 and still ends up in beside me 😫

What makes you feel uncomfortable?

My youngest shared a bed with me until he was 14!
He's 15 now and has actually spent the last 2 nights in my bed as he's not feeling well.

Ds and I still cosleep, he's 7yo.

I’d have no issue with my partner sharing a bed with our 7yo or our 1yo. I don’t think I’d ever have an issue with it at any age?

My DS is 10 next week and still sleeps in with me on a weekend. Can wait till he doesn't want to and I don't have to share the bed with a 100 teddies.

I would say it's only inappropriate when they get to an age when they want more privacy and request it but the parent won't allow them to sleep separately. I would assume this would naturally be around early teens. But I can also see if that if a child doesn't have much contact with a particular parent, they may want to spend as much time with them as possible when they do see them.

It depends if your daughter's comfortable with it. Our children didn't co sleep with us, only if they were ill, and that was only up to about aged 7.

My 14 year old son still comes in for a cuddle and a snooze in the mornings.
We co-slept from birth, he had his own bed from about age 2, but wasn't keen on sleeping alone until he was about 11 or 12.

Honestly can’t see an issue until maybe pre teens

as there is nothing sinister and it’s just a father with his daughter what’s the issue?

She doesn't have a bed there, she's 12. I feel she's going backwards as she would always sleep in her own bed but now wont since he moved out and this started. I suppose she'll grow out of it, it's probably a comfort thing.

The only age limit I put on it is when the child expresses they no longer want to do it. My adult niece still occasionally sleeps with her mum if she’s upset or something has happened in her life… non issue as far as I’m concerned.

Does she have the option of a proper bedroom should she want it?

It’s not something I’ve ever done but I only think it’s a problem if the parent is pushing it or if the child doesn’t have their own proper sleep space so chooses co sleeping over an uncomfy sofa bed or something.

I'm not a co-sleeping person, so my judgement may be off, but I think it's strange she doesn't actually have her own bed there. She should have the option surely, especially as she's heading into her teens.

Ok X posted with you. At 12 years old she absolutely needs her own bed there. If she still wants to co sleep then fine but it shouldn’t be because it’s the only sleep space. She should have the choice of where to sleep every night, and it really shouldn’t be on her to get uncomfortable enough to have to ask for a bed.

At 12 she should have her own bed. The lack of choice is a concern.

I slept in with my dad (parents separated) til 9yrs. It was fine.

12 is too old. She’ll have periods and relationships with boys and will need her own privacy. it would be social suicide if the kids at school were ever to find out.