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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what's a reasonable amount of time to settle in to new school?

26 replies

RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 10:47

DS is 6 and in Y1. He started a new school on 6th March due to us moving house and his old school (that he loved) was just too far away.

He does not like the new school at all, but can't really explain why. He's said a few things like it's too loud but not much more. We're struggling to get him in in the mornings which has never been an issue before, hes normally running into school without looking back. He was crying this morning saying he didn't want to go, doesn't like it etc.

It's a mixed class, reception and Y1. His old class was Y1 and Y2 and as he is September born, he had quite a lot of Y2 friends. I'm wondering if he doesn't like being in a class with just turned 4 year olds? He came out the other day and a little girl next to him was only a bit bigger than my 2 year old. The other Y1 only class is full so he can't move classes, though I think it would help a little if it were possible.

I'm also worried about him being held back academically. Because of the mix with reception but also because he doesn't like it. Though I will say, they seem to be better with assessing his reading than his old school which I'm pleased with, as the old school were sending home band 4 books for the whole class, they weren't individually assessed. Whereas, the new School have sent home band 9 books which he is doing well with, after assessing him individually.

His teacher is lovely so I don't think it's that. He's mentioned a couple of children by name and when I ask if he's had a good day, he says yes, but then later on will say "I still don't like my new school".

We visited the school before we accepted the place, he had a settling in session (he came out beaming saying he loved it) and the teacher came to our house. It's within walking distance to our house and the 2 other schools we considered didn't have space for him.

There are a few things that have become apparent in terms of the school demographic, which we couldn't have really known beforehand. I can't really articulate my feelings without sounding like a right judgey cow but I will try. I get the impression that the majority of parents do not care about their kids education (from things on the newsletters and letters sent home about parents evening for example) I can constantly smell weed on people, I feel very over dressed and out of place in the pickup line and they are quite sweary and rude. I don't want to sound snobby but they're just not my kind of people. I live on a nice road in a nice area that unfortunately boarders a not so nice area if that puts things into context. If DS was happy I would obviously look past it, school is for him, not me.

There is another school which is apparently fantastic, but a bit further away so we would have to drive (only 10 mins max). It's bigger, 3 form entry and classes are not mixed. They have space for him. They also have a really good nursery which would be ideal for DS2 when he is due to start in September. At DSs current school, the nursery only does half days at the moment.

I just don't know what would be a reasonable amount of time to see if he settles? DH wants to give it until Easter and then thinks we should just move him, but that's only this week and next week which doesn't seem that long. May half term seems more reasonable but there is not much point moving him for half a term is there? Do we make him see the school year out and then change for the start of Y2 in September if he's still not happy?

I'm gutted that he isn't happy. Advice welcome.

OP posts:
lemoncurdcrumpets · 20/03/2023 10:51

I would trust your gut and move him.

Original poster
RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 11:00

My gut is telling me to move him, I just worry about it disrupting him even more. Moving house was a big adjustment for him as it was.

OP posts:
KathieFerrars · 20/03/2023 11:11

I would see it out and change in September

BungleandGeorge · 20/03/2023 11:19

If you liked the school I’d give it longer but for multiple reasons it sounds like it’s not ideal. I’d just move him now. I’m not that keen on mixed age classes thpugh

Original poster
RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 11:31

BungleandGeorge · 20/03/2023 11:19

If you liked the school I’d give it longer but for multiple reasons it sounds like it’s not ideal. I’d just move him now. I’m not that keen on mixed age classes thpugh

Yes I'm not that keen either. His old school was Y1 and Y2, it was ok for DS as he was already 6 at the start of the school year so settled in well when he moved on from Reception.

In his current class, age 4 to 6 is a massive difference. He could easily pass for 8 and is in 9-10 clothes. The school jumpers we had to get were the biggest size they do!!

OP posts:
Spendonsend · 20/03/2023 11:36

What happens in year 3? Are they primaries or infants.

AbsoIutelyLovely · 20/03/2023 11:39

It’s only been ten days !!!

underneaththeash · 20/03/2023 12:08

I'd move him now. Mixed reception/year1 class is unlikely to be the best place for a September birthday child who is used to a Y1/Y2.

Haraebo · 20/03/2023 12:24

Have you asked him what he thinks? I know he is only 6 but if you lay all options on the table and have a proper conversation with him (and your partner), he will feel heard. Make it clear to him that he doesn't get the final decision, because thats the job of the adults, but it might help in deciphering what the problem is?

Original poster
RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 12:27

Spendonsend · 20/03/2023 11:36

What happens in year 3? Are they primaries or infants.

They're both infants. The juniors to the current school is at the bottom of our garden but seems to be very much the same. And the juniors to the other school we are looking at is literally on the same site.

OP posts:
Original poster
RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 12:28

AbsoIutelyLovely · 20/03/2023 11:39

It’s only been ten days !!!

Yes I know, that's why I'm literally asking how long do you give it? That's the whole point of the thread so I don't know what you feel you're adding by this comment.

OP posts:
Original poster
RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 12:30

Haraebo · 20/03/2023 12:24

Have you asked him what he thinks? I know he is only 6 but if you lay all options on the table and have a proper conversation with him (and your partner), he will feel heard. Make it clear to him that he doesn't get the final decision, because thats the job of the adults, but it might help in deciphering what the problem is?

He wants to go back to his old school is all he says. We've told him that he can't, it's too far etc. But either way he definitely wants to move. It's just finding somewhere where he will definitely be happy.

OP posts:
Spendonsend · 20/03/2023 12:32

Could you go and look at the juniors asap, then move /keep your chikd in the one with the nicer junior.

DDivaStar · 20/03/2023 12:33

Tbh this new school seems to be tailoring the teaching better than the previous one.

If ds is finding this school to loud im not sure moving to a larger 3 form entry school will help.

I would say he needs a good couple of months to settle, so I'd see out the school year and reasses.

Try to be positive and less judgmental as ds may pick.up on your reservations.

DaysofHoney · 20/03/2023 12:34

If you had no other concerns I’d say give it a term. But… you are t convinced by the mixed classes so I’d be minded to move sooner too. Hard as it might feel, better now than another year down the line once friendships are established etc.

Haraebo · 20/03/2023 12:34

RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 12:30

He wants to go back to his old school is all he says. We've told him that he can't, it's too far etc. But either way he definitely wants to move. It's just finding somewhere where he will definitely be happy.

Show quote history

I think I would be inclined to take him to the new school on a visit.

Afterwards have a serious chat about both options (assuming returning to school is definitely off the table) but make it clear that the decision that is made is the final decision and that changing schools every 5 minutes isn't an option (unless for serious reasons of course).

Original poster
RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 12:37

DDivaStar · 20/03/2023 12:33

Tbh this new school seems to be tailoring the teaching better than the previous one.

If ds is finding this school to loud im not sure moving to a larger 3 form entry school will help.

I would say he needs a good couple of months to settle, so I'd see out the school year and reasses.

Try to be positive and less judgmental as ds may pick.up on your reservations.

Yes that's what is making me think to keep him there. I was really pleased they'd assessed his reading and given him an appropriate book by the second week rather than just sending all the children home with the same book when they clearly all have different abilities.

The loud thing has surprised me, as his old class was much bigger, full of boisterous boys and he never complained about the noise. Though tbh, he was usually part of the noise. Maybe he just hasn't come out of his shell enough to be as loud as usual. But his teacher said he was literally crying and had to borrow a pair of ear defenders.

OP posts:
Original poster
RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 12:40

Spendonsend · 20/03/2023 12:32

Could you go and look at the juniors asap, then move /keep your chikd in the one with the nicer junior.

Yes that is an option and will definitely he something we consider if/when we do move him.

OP posts:
Original poster
RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 12:41

DaysofHoney · 20/03/2023 12:34

If you had no other concerns I’d say give it a term. But… you are t convinced by the mixed classes so I’d be minded to move sooner too. Hard as it might feel, better now than another year down the line once friendships are established etc.

Yes this is very true. I'm very conflicted. Gosh this parenting malarkey is so bloody hard isn't it.

OP posts:
Untitledsquatboulder · 20/03/2023 12:42

It's only been 10 days and given that you've also just moved house that's lot of change he's dealing with. How long will you give him to settle if you move him again?

Original poster
RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 12:43

Haraebo · 20/03/2023 12:34

I think I would be inclined to take him to the new school on a visit.

Afterwards have a serious chat about both options (assuming returning to school is definitely off the table) but make it clear that the decision that is made is the final decision and that changing schools every 5 minutes isn't an option (unless for serious reasons of course).

Show quote history

I suppose if we visit and he doesn't like it/doesn't want to move we've not lost anything. It might be worth a try.

Old school is definitely off the cards. We were still taking him when we first moved as we were waiting for a place and it was taking in excess of an hour in the mornings. It was 37 minutes door to door on a good day and I have a 2 year old and a 10 month old too and it was just too much.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 20/03/2023 12:44

He's just lived house and schools. That's a huge upheaval. Leave it a bit longer.

DaysofHoney · 20/03/2023 12:47

It is. Ours have moved numerous times for various reasons (relocation/bullying). All I’ll say is that kids are adaptable and as long as your DS is reasonably sociable he will be ok.

Original poster
RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 12:56

DaysofHoney · 20/03/2023 12:47

It is. Ours have moved numerous times for various reasons (relocation/bullying). All I’ll say is that kids are adaptable and as long as your DS is reasonably sociable he will be ok.

He is usually very adaptable and sociable which is why I'm surprised he's not settled more easily, which is what is making me think it's just not a good fit.

I do wonder if it's just a mixture of the house move, school move and then on top of that not doing all his usual routine and activities. He usually does swimming lessons, tennis lessons, football and gymnastics. We haven't got him in anywhere more local yet so maybe that would help.

He also didn't like the new house for a while to start with either, kept asking if we can move back to our old house, why can't we buy it back etc. But we've decorated his room all nice and how he wanted it and he hasn't mentioned moving back for a few weeks now.

Maybe it will just take time. I don't know.

OP posts:
Haraebo · 20/03/2023 12:56

RedChooChoo · 20/03/2023 12:43

I suppose if we visit and he doesn't like it/doesn't want to move we've not lost anything. It might be worth a try.

Old school is definitely off the cards. We were still taking him when we first moved as we were waiting for a place and it was taking in excess of an hour in the mornings. It was 37 minutes door to door on a good day and I have a 2 year old and a 10 month old too and it was just too much.

Show quote history

Yeah, that's alot when you have smaller children to think of.

As pp's have said, it's not been very long, but I do think you know when your instinct is telling you something. For a start, there is a massive difference between ages in his new class. I reckon that in itself is going to create more noise.

It's a big decision but I don't think it will hurt to check out the other school.