AIBU to hate the phrase advising women to put on their "Big girl pants"?

[MeadowPippit]

I feel that this phrase is almost always used in a patronising manner and seems somewhat belittling to women.

Is it just me who dislikes this phrase?

Thank you , that’s kind

Thing with it is, by using it about yourself you could be implying the other person in the conversation is being "weak" if they are not doing the same.

It's horrible.

I would rather hear the annoying expression than this need for people to feel judged every time someone says something about themselves though

Omg I thought it meant big knickers. Old lady, battle axe type. I had no idea it came from the American "pants"meaning trousers.
It's silly whatever.

That depends so much on the context. The last few times I've heard it, the person was telling me about a situation they found themselves in but I was not there or involved in any way.

Until recently I’d only heard it as ‘big boy pants’. I figured it was a bit like ‘woman up’ where a typically male-centred saying had been purposefully re-tooled by and for women.

It isn’t a turn of phrase I like or would personally use, tbh.

Bruce Willis's wife - who's going through horrendous times - is using it in the news today.
It's a phrase which expresses an important sentiment - that sometimes life is really tough, but gritting your teeth and getting on with it will give you a better outcome than the alternative.

YANBU, see also 'big girl's blouse' used to describe cowardly men.

I agree, but saying to a woman "find the courage to step up to the plate" suggests something courageous, challenging, maybe even noble. But at the very least it's a grown up way of suggesting another grown up needs to deal with something even if they maybe don't want to or it's difficult.

Telling a woman to "put on her big girl pants and deal with it" sounds demeaning and patronising (to my ear it suggests the thing that needs dealing with is actually completely simple so stop being a silly little girl and making a fuss about it).

To me I'm a big girl/boy/kid and putting on my big girl/boy/kid pants came from the Huggies Pull Ups adverts of the very early 90s.

I personally don't take issue with it but would only say it to/about myself.

If someone hears me say it about myself and is so self involved as to take something (that is absolutely nothing to do with them) as a personal slight, then that is on them and they should probably seek some sort of help

This.

I think the phrase has lost some of its original flavour en route eastward across the Atlantic. It certainly happened with baby showers, wedding showers, and gift registries.

The original phrase was panties, i.e. knickers.

I don't see a problem with it. I'm a girl and use it all the time, but never to patronise or belittle. I find nothing wrong in telling people of any gender nicely to buck up, grow a pair etc. if they're being wimpish and refusing to do anything to help themselves.

I've only ever heard it used in a lighthearted, friendly or jokey way, not in a patronising or unkind way. It's usually used when referring to something you're not looking forward to or don't relish because it's a bit embarrassing or awkward - don't see the problem with it at all.

I don't mind it for relatively mundane challenging situations but in some contexts - like the funeral setting mentioned by a PP to whom I send condolences - it's absolutely not appropriate.

I had it said to me a few times over the last year after I lost my DP by genuinely lovely people who truly meant well but it just made me give them side eye and wonder if they'd swallowed the Little Book of Calm like that episode of Black Books.

FFS I would have probably ended up with both legs in one hole and snapped elastic if I'd tried (I have a visual and gallows humour mind).

So it does make me twitch, but it's a meme thing I think....

That said - there's no way I'd say it to someone who's going through something so awful. I'd only use it to another woman who was facing something tough but manageable, like a tax return or a difficult conversation with a work colleague.

On an old forum I use to frequent someone used to speak about putting on their Wonder Woman pants. They meant it literally (they had actual pants with the wonder woman logo) and I always thought it was related to that whole thing about superheros wearing their pants outside their clothes.

I think it's like 'it is what it is', which has a related meaning and is fine when talking about your own situation or said in a supportive way but shouldn't be used in a way to put someone down.

Yes somewhat nauseating, although it depends on the context, as for saying it at a funeral of a mother, not only crass but appalling! what was that person thinking of.

I used to love ivillage. They had a baby group for each month.

I don't see it as a sexism issue. I hear it equally often directed at men ("put on your big boy pants"). Although granted it's not a phrase I or the people I talk regularly with would use so it's not like I'm hearing it all the time.

IME it's generally said in a light hearted way and not intended to be nasty, but is intended to give the person in question a bit of a nudge because there's a situation that requires an adult response that they have so far been unwilling to confront. I don't particularly see anything wrong with that if it's coming from someone in their inner circle. It would be an inappropriate from someone they're not close with.

I have no idea what was going through the mind of the person who said it to PP's bereaved husband. That's absolutely appalling. So sorry for your loss 🌸

Don't use it, then.

There are a million phrases or sayings out there. We're not all going to like the same things. There's nothing offensive about it, though context is everything in relation to the funeral thing. This one, I use a fair bit when either of my kids (both sexes) are being a bit pathetic and wimpy and just want to take an easy way out / give up / get something done for them. Like many people, I've been through tough times, divorce etc and I did just have to get on with it. I wouldn't dare use the term snowflake on here but it is an absolute truth that there is a growing inability to cope with very normal everyday things like the school run, or going to a family gathering and a bit of grit and stiff upper lip is needed sometimes.