I am struggling with a money situation with DP currently - and i need to understand whether I'm being controlling & unreasonable
First the backgound
DP and I have been together around 18 years, 1 Teenager.
DP has always earned less than me (dropped out of corporate world- did a job in fitness etc) before DS arrived we shared finances (unevenly).
Once DS arrived DP became a SAHP- wasn't really a mutual decision - made sense at the beginning (although DS was in nursery 3 days a week) - made some aspects of life easier (primary school/holidays etc) BUT wasn't what I wanted - DP is crap around the house (we've had a cleaner for much of the time) and can't won't cook other than basics - DP also needed a break and would do hobbies at the weekend or evenings and some work ( if necessary I paid for childcare). I always wanted DP to get a job/do more work- the argument was always that we may need childcare but there was no point sorting childcare until we knew what hours we needed
DS is now a teenager and childcare is totally not an issue anyway. DP still won't get a proper job and pays nothing into joint funds. DP doesn't think they spend very much - doesn't really buy many clothes etc or go out much (but spends a lot on food/drink /petrol etc) - but DP has access to joint account and joint credit card anyway.
So the issue is DP is doing some work - seasonal hobby like work - (involves working weekends mainly). DP is keeping all the money from this and thinks the money is their's to do what they like - so spent for example a couple of grand on sport equipment - no idea how much they have actually earned. Whilst i know in theory this could have been bought from joint money ( but would have needed a discussion) it just seems wrong. In the meantime DP continues to use joint money for things like mothers day presents, cash for general living expenses, petrol (even for driving to work etc) and even expects me to pay top up money for pensions etc from the joint account...