I haven’t taken baby to any groups

[dancingfruit]

I’m now 3 months in and haven’t been to any baby classes with baby. I also rely on others for getting out for walks with her in pram. I feel guilty as I’m in a online group of mums from a NHS class I did in pregnancy, who all have classes such as baby massage booked and swim classes. I wish I was the same and I feel gutted because I’d have loved to take baby swimming but have chronic UTI and thrush history then can’t shift the blooming things. I’m also going to be moving and will know no one at all, on one hand I’m a keep myself to myself but would love friends but sometimes I feel it can become too overwhelming and more hassle than worth.

Even prior to pregnancy I was diagnosed with Autism at late age, 26. Now 27 this is first born. I have anxiety too. I’m full of dread when it starts coming round to birthday parties and other parenty things like the school gates. It sounds ridiculous but after bullying I had so many years, I wouldn’t leave house at all to now I will and enjoy getting out with her in pram but it relies on my partner for social stuff. During the day I’m doing baby massage from videos I learned and dancing around to maybe you could be a purple monkey in a bubblegum tree. If you have the fishers playmat you’ll know) baby seems happy but I feel like a failure. Feeds, black and white books, reading to her. Or she is at grans but I feel what if I’m setting her back/ her development etc :(

You have absolutely nothing to worry about in terms of baby's welfare. She's 3mo, all she cares about is being with you and other loving carers, feeling safe and nurtured. Maybe at 2yo if dc hasn't played with other kids that might be a problem but you have a lot of time to get your head around playground visits, play dates and playgroups. At this stage I've found those groups are more beneficial to me as a mum getting me out and chatting to other mums, than my baby. All three of them at that age couldn't care less about story time at the library!

At 3 months the baby needs to be with you not out at classes. The baby doesn't care what it does as long as it's with you.

Classes are great if you want to do them.

Why do you rely on others to go for walks. That's something you could aim to do more independently maybe? Just a walk to the shops or round the park. The fresh air and change of scene will do you both good.

I've had 4 kids and never been to a baby class, your baby is not missing out. They are just to give mums something to do if they want to. It's good to do something when they are older but makes zero difference as a baby.

Baby classes are a total scam and completely unnecessary. They are for mum's to socialise, that's it.

My kids are in their 30's now. Neither of them ever went to a baby class ! Those classes are for the mothers to socialise, it's not of any benefit to the babies . Just enjoy your baby - go for a walk or stay at home, it doesn't matter at all.

Just think - baby classes have only been a thing for about 30-40 years. So just about everyone you know, grew up just fine without ever attending one. Please, never think you are a failure because you don't do what others do. You're doing just fine !

At that age, the groups are 100% for you and your wellbeing. Your baby won't have the slightest clue and is not missing out one tiny little bit.

Honestly though, some of the baby groups I've been to have been incredible for me, mostly by way of support, almost like a group counselling session sometimes! And friendships - I have lasting friendships now from groups nearly 9 years ago.

Missed out on all of that stuff, because of Covid (lockdown baby). Suited me just fine... My son was happy here with me. He’s very social & the most outgoing child. Did him no harm whatsoever. Nor me!

Don't worry about baby classes, it's often more about the parents than the babies. My son hated most them as a baby, and I didn't feel comfortable either because it was really hard socialising with the other parents who knew each other.
The only thing we did in the end was some local 'coffee and chat' groups, which were a lot more relaxed and open (and free!).

You can always reconsider the classes later, from 1.5-2 year old it's a lot easier and they benefit from it a lot more.

On your other point, might I offended some suggestions?

www.angelakilmartin.com/
www.fedup.com.au/factsheets/symptom-factsheets/bladder-problems-in-adults
www.fedup.com.au/factsheets/symptom-factsheets/candida-yeast-sugar-hypoglycemia

I hope you find something that works for you.

What an ignorant comment, baby sensory classes are actually quite useful and the babies seem to enjoy them. They can also be a good chance for mum to bond with baby. In saying that OP, your baby will be fine if you don't go, although I would encourage you to try something later around the 4 month mark if baby doesn't get to socialise with other babies or young children much, you might find you enjoy it too. It may help to reduce your anxiety too. You sound like you're doing a great job at playing and reading to baby

My son, 36, PhD in neuroscience, is a research scientist now and a lovely well rounded human being. Didn't attend any baby classes, there weren't any. Didn't harm his development

My advice is to not compare yourself to others. You are not a failure. I took my kids to library story time for toddlers. I have social anxiety and that's as much interaction as I wanted. Didn't really talk to the other moms as I always felt out of place/didn't think we'd have anything in common/wasn't looking for new friends, just wanted to break up my day because babies/toddlers were hard (for me) to be with all day. None of my kids actually enjoyed the library reading time. They tell me now that they are teens that they thought it was "stupid". They wouldn't participate when they were asked to sing or dance during the program. I didn't blame them and I didn't force them. Children are not all extroverts. I frankly have wondered if I and my kids are all on the spectrum, too. It's exhausting for me to try to seem normal and act like I have any idea what I'm doing in many areas of my life. As far as friends, I consider my sisters and my coworkers to be my friends, and I'd interact with random other mothers (from school, from the neighborhood) insofar as we would trade off hosting kids over for some playtime, so I had to interact.

Be yourself. There's going to be some things you must do as a mother that will be hard and uncomfortable (like volunteering to be a chaperone for school trips.....ahhhhh I don't know what I'm doing and I don't feel like an adult.....) but you'll get through it. You'll do what you think is best for you and your child. There may be another mother you meet when you move that you will find something in common with, that you will enjoy spending time with.

Good luck and I hope the UTI and thrush problems are able to be sorted.

I've had 3 kids and completely agree with the post that the classes are for mums. I went to loads with baby 1 and spent a fortune on swimming lessons which he hated. (He loved swimming with me - the lessons were the wrong time of day, he hated going under etc etc).

Baby 3 didn't get so many lessons and no expensive ones as everything had to fit around school runs etc....he's doing just as well as the others. If anything he was an easier baby because he wasn't dragged around at my will and I listened to his natural rhythm with naps etc.

Do not have any mum guilt. Your baby is content with you. As they get older groups are more fun when the child can engage with them. By then you might feel like giving one a go.