To be sad my middle dc didn't even message me to say happy mothers day?

[Plit]

She's first year uni. Older ds messaged and dd2 ( at home) bought me a card with a lovely message. I've surprised myself by being quite sad about it. We are close and she's having a few boy problems at uni so I expect she's just forgotten. We speak via message a few times a week in fact she messaged me today to tell me that she was going to visit an ex boyfriend but no happy mothers day. I'm surprised at how much its bothered me

When she messaged you today, didn’t you give her a prompt? I’m sort of hoping that if my DC forget at the same stage I could offer a lighthearted message as part of a conversation and they’d respond.

I’m so sorry you felt ignored. I’m sure I hurt my mum sometimes when I was a thoughtless teen/young adult (never about Mother’s Day tho as my Nan - mum’s mum - was All Over It to remind us in the preceding days/weeks! No chance of forgetting and wouldn’t have dared due to Wrath of Nan.)

She loves you.

She just forgot. It happens.

Yes I realise she forgot. It bothered me

Thank you.

I imagine she's in the uni bubble and yes no doubt caught up with boy problems. Not sure I'd say anything about it and hope she remembers next year, especially if she is having a hard time.

I‘m also one of 3 DC, and one of my siblings is totally hopeless at remembering these kinds of things (despite the full Wrath of Nan treatment back in the day) and I know it definitely did hurt my mum. But nothing would ever be gained from dwelling on it or mentioning it after the fact but guilt and sad feelings. So, you know your DD definitely loves you and includes you in her life if she’s in touch and messaging. I expect she’s never forgotten before? You miss her and this is making it worse - but can you reframe it a bit to say (like when they don’t pine for you at nursery drop off!) that she’s so secure in your relationship she's able to forget.

And if you’re lucky one of her siblings will point out she’s forgotten…

My mum once threw a fit when I was a bit older than that and was backpacking. I'd sent a card at the airport. It got stuck in the system and inexplicably arrived late

She actually send me a nasty text accusing me of forgetting about 4pm while I was at the police station with a friend who'd been robbed.

Today my moody 12 year old took hours to wish me happy mother's day after fetching her from a sleepover. We got there in the end with patience. She was just sad her fun had ended and had little sleep to deal with her emotions.

My mother in law didn't thank us for card and gift today. Which I thought was weird till I found out she hasn't got them.

Things happen. People forget. Things go missing.

Don't let it cause bad blood

It's not worth it

I wouldn't dream of sending a nasty message! So sorry thst happened

Perfectly reasonable to be upset. It’s not about getting anything - just about not being forgotten. It hurts. The day stinks, quite frankly. Massively over commercialised and now with the added element of competitive social media with the mums who got remembered plastering all their gifts and cards all over the place.

My oldest, the only one still at home, didn't bother/forgot and styled it out with an attempt at " humour" he dumped his muddy rugby kit at my feet and said " here's a gift for you".
Lovely, feel so appreciated...

Yanbu

@Wbeezer I hope you threw it straight back at them to sort it out themselves

Why not remind her? That's what I did with my oldest

I didn't want to look as though I was having a go. Tbf she probably had no idea it even was Mother's day, she's very wrapped up in her own life ATM which is fine.

So much neediness over an American construct
If you daughter/son was working in service and could only see you on Mothering Sunday, fair enough. Otherwise, does the following apply?
History of Mothering Sunday
Most Sundays in the year churchgoers in England worship at their nearest parish or 'daughter church'.

Centuries ago it was considered important for people to return to their home or 'mother' church once a year. So each year in the middle of Lent, everyone would visit their 'mother' church - the main church or cathedral of the area.

Inevitably the return to the 'mother' church became an occasion for family reunions when children who were working away returned home. (It was quite common in those days for children to leave home for work once they were ten years old.)

And most historians think that it was the return to the 'Mother' church which led to the tradition of children, particularly those working as domestic servants, or as apprentices, being given the day off to visit their mother and family.

As they walked along the country lanes, children would pick wild flowers or violets to take to church or give to their mother as a small gift.

Sounds like ye get on well so that's the most important thing. I couldn't care less about Mothers Day as l get on well with my adult dc. But if l felt generally that the relationship wasn't great l wouldn't be happy. It's only one day. It's great she feels she can talk to you about her life and that's more important. I remember in college calling my dm about 9pm when l remembered it was Mother's Day..no messaging then. As l matured and became more settled in my own life l never forgot.
Just let it go.

Thanks - yes we do get on well. I did surprise myself by being bothered about it! Obviously I've been taken in by the hype!!

I only have a very young child, so no experience of parenting teens yet. My two pence would be to remind you of times she has been thoughtful. It’s very easy to get caught up in the hype of mothers’ day, but I for one value the “just because” niceties more than the sending of messages or cards because you’re supposed to on certain days.
I say the same about valentines day, sure it’s nice to get some flowers, but it’s the cup of tea in bed that my husband brings me after he knows I was up in the night with the baby, or the “drive safe” message he often sends when I set off to work, or the time he bought me a card telling me how proud he was when I got a promotion, that mean more to me. And I think I will feel the same about my children as they grow up, how they treat me on random days will mean more to me than Mother’s Day.

I would let her know you are sad she didn't remember. Be direct that now she is an adult you hoped she would be as caring of your feelings as you are of hers.

I imagine that your youngest has seen you were hurt so they will be direct with her anyway, but it does every bit of good to be clear that you want proper contact and to be wished happy Mother's Day.

If it bothered you, it’s her you need to tell and not Mumsnet. Otherwise how will she know.

Or both?