When bad things happen, and you haven't got many friends - just people who pity you?

[Lookingforwardtothesummer]

I don't know if I'm right or not but I get a sense from quite a few old friends or acquaintances they simply feel some pity for me due to a recent bereavement. That they don't really care on any level about the fact I'm bereaved, it's just they find me sort of unfortunate?

They do say your emotions are all out of whack after losing somebody, so not to make any big life changing decisions though... So maybe I'm wrong.

I have a couple of friends who don't make me feel this way, and I cherish them. Everything feels normal with them. It's easy and relaxing.

One old friend who I considered close has been particularly distant. She'll send messages every few weeks after I suspect she's had a drink with her husband saying to call her anytime, she wants to be there for me. But I just feel I've withdrawn from her now tbh.

The latest is her plus another friend (who don't know each other) asking if we are back at home so they can send flowers, it's been a good two weeks now and no flowers have arrived. Why do this? It seems quite thoughtless.

I don't know I feel like I'm maybe being unreasonable but just feel so fed up of a lot of people and like I'm withdrawing from almost everyone?

Dying and death makes some people very uncomfortable, our society is not very good at death. I think what you are experiencing is quite common, the people who really stepped up when DH was dying were not always the people I expected. I am sorry for your loss

I'm sorry about your DH @bloodywhitecat . Death is fucking shit. I do think you're right that a lot of people are so uncomfortable with death and dying that they just end up avoiding anyone in that position.

Are they people who haven't had to experience many bereavement's themselves?
I think it's the fortunate ones who don't know how to support as they have no experience of loss of someone very dear.
I also know that it is normal to look at others and how they make you feel once you've been bereaved. It's a distraction technique
Sorry for you loss OP

I definitely found this when I lost my siblings.
People would cross the road as they knew how close I was to one of my siblings.
Either that or they'd have a sob on me which wasn't particularly helpful either as I'd end up comforting them!