Feel weird about this

Dillydillyb · 2023-03-19T21:38:26+00:00

Went to a wedding with dh and as he was queuing for drinks at the bar, he struck up conversation with a woman who was standing there - how did she know the groom (think she was his sister) etc etc. It was a small and in intimate wedding (30 guests maybe) and he did it because he said it felt rude not to acknowledge others who were queuing up at the same time. She absolutely stone walled him, short replies, no questions back. It was obvious that he was with me as we had been together all night so I don’t think she needed to worry that he was chatting her up, although in assuming that’s what she thought. Feel really awkward on his behalf - who was in the wrong?

Cosyblankets · 19/03/2023 21:39

She was rude

Acrylicpainter · 19/03/2023 21:41

She was rude unless she has an abusive partner who was watching her and she was scared of the repercussions if she spoke to your husband.

ForensicFlossy · 19/03/2023 21:41

She was rude. It was a small wedding, you need to speak to other guests. My dh would do this at any size wedding, he will speak to anyone!

MakeADecision · 19/03/2023 21:41

She was rude

Feelslikespring2 · 19/03/2023 21:42

Sorry but so what. Why do you feel weird about it? If he's a friendly kinda guy, she was stand offish, no Biggie. If he never usually does this, had he been drinking and was he feeling chatty? Doubt he'd try and chat someone up in broad daylight with you watching with a relationship to his friend (I pressume)
You're being unreasonable for even giving it a second thought

gkhg · 19/03/2023 21:43

Feelslikespring2 · 19/03/2023 21:42

Sorry but so what. Why do you feel weird about it? If he's a friendly kinda guy, she was stand offish, no Biggie. If he never usually does this, had he been drinking and was he feeling chatty? Doubt he'd try and chat someone up in broad daylight with you watching with a relationship to his friend (I pressume)
You're being unreasonable for even giving it a second thought

Ffs OP literally said that this is not her concern and he wasn't chatting her up. She feels bad on his behalf

UdoU · 19/03/2023 21:44

She absolutely stone walled him, short replies, no questions back.

Why didn’t he just get the message after the first short reply? Why did he persist? Maybe she doesn’t like talking to strange men at weddings.

mnahmnah · 19/03/2023 21:45

He was being friendly, totally fine and normal how he spoke in the circumstances.

maybe she has social anxiety. Shy. Just not interested in other people. Whatever. No big deal. I wouldn’t worry.

Original poster

Dillydillyb · 19/03/2023 21:45

@UdoU i did think this

OP posts:

PinkSyCo · 19/03/2023 21:46

Maybe she’s just a bit shy/socially awkward. I wouldn’t give it a second thought to be honest.

UdoU · 19/03/2023 21:48

Dillydillyb · 19/03/2023 21:45

@UdoU i did think this

I think he should learn to pick up cues.

We’ve all been in situations trying to make small talk with strangers, but it’s better for his own self-esteem if he gives up quickly on anyone not engaging.

Original poster

Dillydillyb · 19/03/2023 21:49

@UdoU he is normally really good at picking up cues and very socially adept

OP posts:

DojaPhat · 19/03/2023 21:55

I really hate hate hate talking to people. I would rather give birth to triplets with no meds than make small talk. Attending the wedding might have been a battle itself let alone having to engage with others. Maybe its just her personality.

Witchytwitchybitchy · 19/03/2023 21:57

But that’s what you do at weddings- chat to strangers!

Templebreedy · 19/03/2023 22:00

UdoU · 19/03/2023 21:48

I think he should learn to pick up cues.

We’ve all been in situations trying to make small talk with strangers, but it’s better for his own self-esteem if he gives up quickly on anyone not engaging.

Show quote history

Yes, exactly. My (shy) mother is terrible at grasping that not everyone shares her tendency to chatter out of a sense of social obligation, regardless of the appropriateness of the situation — she came to DS’s school concert recently, and just kept on and on talking to the man on her other side, despite his increasingly short replies and the fact that he visibly didn’t want to talk. The thing that drives me mad is that she then complains about people being ‘unfriendly’ or says ‘It wouldn’t kill him to talk, would it?’ Because she ‘makes the effort’, she thinks everyone ‘should’. Whereas I think she needs to read the room and not require everyone to obey her ‘rules’.

PartingGift · 19/03/2023 22:00

Why do you feel weird about it? Why is it a question of who was in the wrong? Why does it matter? Why does it reflect anything about him or you?

Some people are just shy and not that chatty to strangers. At a recent wedding, I got chatting to a relation of the bride, and she was amazed when I told her after the wedding, because this relative struggles with social anxiety to the point that they nearly didn't come to the wedding. If they had not been chatty back, I wouldn't have taken it so personally that I needed to start a thread about who was in the wrong.

hugefanofcheese · 19/03/2023 22:08

She might be socially awkward or find chat difficult, maybe finds weddings difficult (recently widowed or divorced, for instance and dreading the question 'so who are you here with?') or have just had some bad news. If someone was standoffish with me making a quick bit of innocuous conversation at a happy occasion then I wouldn't assume it was personal or that they had got a bad impression of me so I would assure your DH it's unlikely to be those things about him.

UdoU · 19/03/2023 22:11

PartingGift · 19/03/2023 22:00

Why do you feel weird about it? Why is it a question of who was in the wrong? Why does it matter? Why does it reflect anything about him or you?

Some people are just shy and not that chatty to strangers. At a recent wedding, I got chatting to a relation of the bride, and she was amazed when I told her after the wedding, because this relative struggles with social anxiety to the point that they nearly didn't come to the wedding. If they had not been chatty back, I wouldn't have taken it so personally that I needed to start a thread about who was in the wrong.

Second-hand embarrassment is a thing, OP cares about her DH and doesn’t like him to feel bad.

PartingGift · 19/03/2023 22:18

@UdoU But what is there to be embarrassed about? He asked her polite questions, she answered but didn't seem keen to chat. Why the need to take it so personally and make a big deal about it?

JudgeRudy · 19/03/2023 22:27

Feelslikespring2 · 19/03/2023 21:42

Sorry but so what. Why do you feel weird about it? If he's a friendly kinda guy, she was stand offish, no Biggie. If he never usually does this, had he been drinking and was he feeling chatty? Doubt he'd try and chat someone up in broad daylight with you watching with a relationship to his friend (I pressume)
You're being unreasonable for even giving it a second thought

@Feelslikespring2 yes, I agree. He was being pleasant and chatty. She didn't want to chat (to a stranger). He maybe offered 1 or 2 more sentences to ensure she wasn't a bit 'shy' then stopped.
I doubt shes talking about it now

UdoU · 19/03/2023 22:30

PartingGift · 19/03/2023 22:18

@UdoU But what is there to be embarrassed about? He asked her polite questions, she answered but didn't seem keen to chat. Why the need to take it so personally and make a big deal about it?

I agree there’s nothing to be embarrassed about really, but I think it’s natural to feel a bit deflated in this situation. I’m the type to cringe when things like this happen to other people though. I would love to have a thicker skin.

Testina · 19/03/2023 22:32

Dillydillyb · 19/03/2023 21:49

@UdoU he is normally really good at picking up cues and very socially adept

He wasn’t this time though.
She didn’t owe him a conversation.
I don’t see that she’s done anything wrong - she only appears rude because he persisted so the initial rudeness was his.

Maedan · 19/03/2023 22:34

Uggh there's nothing worse the random men trying to chat to you, even when they're not trying to chat you up. She wasn't rude she just didn't want to entertain a bored man she didn't know, nothing wrong with that, you're not obligated to strike up a conversation because someone has decided they want to talk to you 🤷 he should have backed off and left her alone immediately 🙄

Aquamarine1029 · 19/03/2023 22:35

He wasn't very socially adept this time, was he?

It's not rude to not want to engage in conversation with someone.