What would you do in this situation (trigger warning mentions death)

[666roses]

Me and DH have been married almost 30 years and his grandfather (mother's side) passed away on Thursday, he is very low contact with his mother and don't really speak now at all, DH has a younger brother who is single but has adult children.
Mil wants us to help pay for the funeral but she isn't contributing.
She phoned and said the funeral will cost around 4k, their is 1.5k in grandfather's bank account and his grandfather brother said he can give one thousand, my mil wants us to pay the rest of around 1.5k
My husband has been out of work since an injury and he really doesn't have that kind of money, I how ever have quite a bit of an inheritance left but we are soon to be making a large purchase, I don't mind lending the money but mil wants us to give the money, DH said no way as it's from my relative and it shouldn't be used to pay for his mother's father's funeral.

Mil said she has no money at all and bil isn't helping either so it will all be down to me and this other family member, I feel awful as if I do not give this money then it will be a closed funeral where no one can go.

I'm not sure what to do but I'm 90% sure I won't be giving this money that my relative worked bloody hard for to mil, but how do I say no without causing her distress as I'm sure she is relying on us.

I don't think you should be asked to pay anything by anyone. Who's decided the cost? Has this been booked? If so, that's on them.
There should be no shame in having a simple cremation now. If people want more they should ensure they have domethingbin place to pay for it, so a funeral plan or savings.

As it stands the funeral has not been arranged yet, she is going to see them next week, DH also said that she had an inheritance of over 100k 5 years ago, she knew her dad was going to die as he was in his late 90's and in really bad health.
Well this has made it an 100% firm no.

I think it’s very cheeky that your MIL is expecting you to cough up for this. It’s not your responsibility. Generally a funeral is paid for by the persons estate or if they don’t have one then the council will provide a basic funeral. If your MIL wants more than that then as his child that’s up to her but it’s really not okay to expect extended family - albeit grandchildren- to foot the bill. Nope.

I'm glad that after hearing that your MIL inherited £100k only 5 years ago, that you have decided not to allow yourself to be roped into contributing to the funeral costs. Obviously if her DF was in his 90's, she's had plenty of time to think about making plans for his demise. She could have got him to take out a pre-payment funeral, saved a regular amount each month towards this event as and when it occurred, or even just put a sum of money away when she got her inheritance. This bill is NOT for you to pay OP, be sure you stick to your guns. For what it's worth I think she's being VERY cheeky expecting you to contribute, and in all honesty, it doesn't even sound like she's tried to set a reasonable budget for the funeral. As others have said, a direct funeral without a service would save a lot of this cost, and unless your MIL is very religious, or her DF was, I think under the circumstances, this would be the way to go. She could then have some sort of get together afterwards to celebrate his life, as most of us do.

As others have said, this is NOT your bill to contribute to.
Stand back. Count to ten. Practice saying NO! in a loud voice in front of a mirror.
Your own little family comes first. Hell, no, no, no.

No is a complete sentence.. Mil is ridiculous.

It sounds like you think it will be a private funeral if the state has to pay it? I had a friend who was estranged from the family for very sad reasons and not in work. She had the modern equivalent of a 'paupers funeral'. A number of friends and neighbours came and it was a proper lovely ceremony with a reading. You also don't need to pay 4.5k for a basic ceremony. Sounds like your dh has got this and just needs your support

The grandfather isn't going to care. Mark his passing in a way that feels appropriate to you and your DH and decline to contribute.

Sorry but it would be a firm no from me.
The money you have is not there for your MiL to allocate on things. Funeral or no.

The fact that is towards a funeral is just making it awkward.

She will just have to be creative to come up with the shortfall
Different arrangements, credit card, loan or ask someone else.

I don't think you are unreasonable to not want to spend your money on the funeral. Just tell her you are unable to help out financially. If your dh wants to he could offer to help look at reducing the costs.

Do not give a loan either!

Does his mother know that you have inherited this money? I wouldn't trust her at all actually.

Stick to your guns!

This. Also why does the BIL get a free pass no paying anything??