Should I stop contact..

[emilia442]

Hi,
So, this is quite difficult to post.. I very recently gave birth to my son. He is almost 2 weeks old.

I’ve known the father for a number of years, and we’ve had a quite complicated relationship. As I was younger I was naive to what was going on, I feel embarrassed to say he has been in trouble with the police for various things over the years: drugs, gang related, weapons, fighting..

I found myself in a situation where I was pregnant and terrified. I decided to go through with having my son which I am so thankful I did. Me and his dad are not together, but his dad was good to me whilst I was pregnant and helped me out, I guess I believed he had changed or he had matured. I expected to be doing most of it alone, and I felt like he was stepping up and I was grateful and pleasantly surprised about his support.

I gave birth, he was there, we don’t live together, but he has spent time with his son every day since I gave birth. I was wrong he hadn’t matured, and I’ve found out he is still very much involved in things.

I know you may read this and think I am stupid. I think I am stupid myself, but now with the baby I want to do the right thing. I don’t want to put my son in danger, I don’t want to put myself in danger.

SS are coming to visit me, I’m just mortified. The lady I spoke to on the phone was nice, she told me not to worry, there’s just a few things to chat about.
I know that my sons dad is the issue, and his police involvement Is the reason for the visit.

AIBU to cut off contact with dad now ? What are his rights ? Is it unreasonable to let his dad see him and then take it away ? I just don’t know.

Of course you should be getting money from him to help support HIS child. You are providing a roof, heating, food, nappies, clothes, plus you're not able to work as you're off on maternity leave. He should be contributing.

Agree with PP - don’t put him on birth certificate. Give your son your surname. (That’s often sound advice even if things aren’t as tricky as all that.)

Do have SS appointment without his knowledge and have someone you trust there. Ask your friend/sister to take notes so you remember what was said after, as things can be a bit of a blur when you’re sleep deprived. Also jot down some questions ahead of time to ask, so you don’t forget that one important thing you wanted to know in the moment!

Let SS guide you, make sure you take steps they suggest (eg not having him stay at your place or whatever else they might think appropriate). If/when it comes time to tell him anything be clear about your reasoning. Set firm boundaries with him and be consistent ie. I am determined to do whatever I need to do to make sure your issues don’t impact our son, I’m sure you want the same. I am therefore fully cooperating with all advice from SS and HV and think it’s best that we do x, y, z…

Congratulations and good luck! It’s really hard work, especially at the beginning, but it’s gets easier and more enjoyable as time goes on 💐