Childcare with EX

[IneedcoffeeinanIV]

Me and EX DP share our DD6. He's recently got into a new relationship in the past 5 months (we split years ago so no issues with new partners ect). However. This is his second one within the year and both have moved into his house after a few weeks with him and DD. He's now told me new partner will be taking DD out one day for the Easter holidays to a busy town centre.. I've put my foot down fully and said not a chance because I'm not comfortable with someone I haven't even met her and someone who's know my DD for a bloody minute taking her somewhere she's never been. Ex is being a dickhead about it and blaming me and I'm letting my 'anxiety' cause the issue and not letting DD have a fun time. I'm pretty sure I'm
not BU but on the off chance I am, can someone enlighten me as I'm sat here fuming.

I think you are being a touch overly sensitive. You should at least suggest an alternative and/or a roadmap to meeting, eg I’ll meet new-broad or let’s all do something benign (Frankie & Benny’s is great for this)

See I agree with this and said I have no issues with her taking DD somewhere local but his response was 'no, if you won't let her take DD to 'xyz' then you can't say she can do that'. There's literally no option for middle ground with him

It's not ideal but how do you intend to stop him OP?

Then you are not being unreasonable at all. But take a step back. What you’re really arguing about - assume this woman is OK (she won’t be as good as you, obvs) - is speed rather than destination. In the scheme of things, there may be better battles to fight.

more power to you though, sounds like a total ‘mare*

*the situation of course!

Sorry but I think YABU.

Whilst he has DD, he is responsible for her safety. There is nothing in your post which makes me think DD would be in any way at risk. Unless there's a massive drip feed coming about how she routinely dashes off into traffic or something similar.

Can you share exactly what you are worried will happen?

Legally he's allowed to introduce anyone he likes to dd. You'd only be able to prevent it if she was on the sex offenders register or something like that.

On a personal note his behaviour is ridiculous. You don't have a right to meet the new partner but it's common sense that new partners shouldn't be introduced so quickly.

Ime the best plan is befriend her. Will make him fume and it will be him the one feeling irritated!

I'm guessing this is a grown woman, your dc is 6 not a toddler - yes it's a sensitive subject but you are overreacting, it's a day out in town not a week abroad. Ensure your dd has in her pocket a piece of paper with your mobile, her dad's mobile and (ideally) the girlfriend's mobile in case they are separated and remind her what she should do if separated from whoever she's out with eg if in a shop stand still for a couple of minutes and if still can't see the adult (remember it could be you in this situation) ask the security guard or cashier, if outside ask a lady with children / go to a nearby shop / someone in uniform (we have city helpers here in tabards due to number of lost tourists). This is useful for whoever she's with

Sorry misread the post.

He's legally allowed to outsource childcare to whoever he wants. I suspect that next time he'll do it rather than ask.

Yabu to think that meeting her will help. If you don't like her then there's nothing you can do and most people will be on their best behaviour anyway and not give away their negative points.

Unfortunately legally you can't stop him. If you trust him to have her you have to trust him. If you don't trust him, he shouldn't have unsupervised contact.

I really don't think you can stop him, plus what is the issue if it's local or not?

Thanks all for your replies. I needed some outside points of views. Me and EX DP have a really solid relationship, stayed close friends since the break up. He's pals with my partner and I've always been pally with any of his. His new partner seems absolutely fine and she's not the issue. It's more of a case of the distance and her already struggling with how giddy DD can be even at home. They'd be getting a train 45 minutes away from home which is something DD has never done before either. I am a worrier and I do overthink so that's why I wanted to put it out

@IneedcoffeeinanIV you're anxious, understandable of course. I'm sure they'll be fine, don't spoil the relationship with your ex. You can't stop it happening, I'm afraid.

I can understand the worry OP, you're afraid she might get lost?

I'm sure she won't get lost but if it helps, perhaps suggest the woman puts her phone number in your DD's pocket?

You won’t want to hear this, but it’s up to him if it goes ahead. You can’t actually stop it unless you have safe guarding issues with the new partner?

You have to let her go this isn’t something you can control. Your anxiety is understandable and you can express concerns that for a first outing it is perhaps ambitious but that is it

Thanks everyone! I think you're right and I've told him it's fine but to let me know when they get home so I can feel more at ease.

I think because she's my first born I'm just struggling with her growing up and doing more grown up things but I need to get out of that mindset

I'm due back at work next week after maternity leave so I think my emotions are all over the place

Yanu. Sadly, you get no say at all about his time with DD. It is his time. Who he trusts with his child is up to him.