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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't care

9 replies

Andra09 · 19/03/2023 09:56

I'm a single parent of 2 DD, eldest is autistic, youngest I'm questioning asd. I have a partner but we don't live together and DD'd aren't his, so I don't expect him to do much but he will when he can.

I have a good friend from the school who also has 2 DDs and a partner. He works full time and is never home. We ask eachother for favours, pick up kids etc but whenever she "Offers" to have mine, its always followed with can you have mine this day. Anyway, the family pet died and I watched her DD whilst she took it vets even though my eldest was sick, vomiting all day.

She now got 3 new pets to console the DDs grief.

First she asked me to take her to go the pets and I had agreed but then my youngest was sick and so was hers. So she asked another friend to take her and me to look after the sick child, along with my own. I agreed.

Now one of them needs to go vets to be neutered and she's asking me to pick up her kids/watch them for a bit.

I don't want to because i just don't want to. My kid has been ill for a week and a half and off school. She will finally be going back tomorrow and I want a fucking break! I haven't slept properly for god knows how long and even though I don't work, I have depression and anxiety. I'm in a really shitty situation with housing atm.

I feel like she treats me like her man like I must pick up the slack. I don't have a reason other than I just don't want to help her because it's not an emergency. And personally I don't even like animals. We have hamsters so she thinks I'm pet friendly.

AIBU to just say no, with no reason or apology because I'm not sorry I can't do it. I also think I'm autistic which doesn't help me empathising with her at all.

This isn't the first time she has asked me a dumb favour. I've had a shit couple of weeks and I've flipped on the kids dad and my partner because I'm so exhausted. I don't want to flip on her too and ruin the friendship. But I'm at the point where I really don't care about anyone's feelings because no-one gives to winks about mine.

OP posts:
discobrain · 19/03/2023 09:58

She's definitely taking the piss there, you're not being unreasonable at all.

MatildaTheCat · 19/03/2023 10:01

You’re really overthinking this. Just say sorry you’re busy?

You do rely on her for favours sometimes so just help her out when it suits you.

heldinadream · 19/03/2023 10:01

If you cannot bear to open a potential can of worms by just saying no, have an illness? You've caught the vomiting bug haven’t you?
Completely impossible at the moment for you to help her out, end of.

maddy68 · 19/03/2023 10:03

You both do favours. For each other. Just say you aren't feeling well so can't

Choconut · 19/03/2023 12:15

You've started the 'doing favours for each other' thing but now she's taking the piss with it. Just say you're feeling rough (true) and not feeling up to doing anything. If she tries to force the kids on you any further then just say no and consider that it might be time to call a day on this particular friendship.

Andra09 · 21/03/2023 22:55

Thanks

I just said no I can't.

Then she called me today asking me to do pick up because her youngest was vomiting. She's relentless and doesn't stop asking, with different reasons until I finally say yes.

Someone find me a hole to crawl into lol.

OP posts:
discobrain · 22/03/2023 11:08

You just have to keep saying no. Use the same sentence every time

No, I'm sorry I can't.

Repeat. No matter what.

forrestgreen · 22/03/2023 11:14

I suggest you stop answering straight away (or at all)
'Sorry, I was hoovering/ironing/showering/napping etc'
'Sorry I've been overwhelmed by my phone recently so I've been putting it on mute'
'Have you asker your dp?'

Tbh I'd say you're more useful than a friend from what you've described. Does she ever do anything for you, where she obviously isn't looking for a favour back?

LadyHaHaHeeHaw · 22/03/2023 11:29

Tell her that although she keeps asking you can't help. By pointing out she keeps asking may hammer it home
Then ignore the phone, she is getting the better end of this favour system

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