Gone anon and will try to share as much as I can without being too identifying.
Background: Have worked 16/22 years since I qualified FT. Was part time for 2 years (loved the balance I felt) and SAHM for 4 years tho I worked p/t at a side gig during that time - so still really worked 12 hrs week. Working FT is my norm, working has always been part of my identity.
I have a dc with complex disabilities impacting mobility, breathing, feeding and development. Currently has 5 appointments a week including pt x 2, ot, feeding therapy (is currently tube fed for main source of calories) as well as at least 1 consultant appt a week. Has had a handful of surgeries in the last 8 months and will need more. We spent more nights in a children's hospital in 2022 than we did home. It was a terrifying few months.
Situation: I'm currently on leave with youngest DC and could be off until Jan 2024 (we can take up to 18 months leave. I've never done this before. For my previous DC the longest I had off was a few weeks).
My direct line manager wants me to return early to a promotion and my department is going to 4 days FT (working 32 hrs instead of 40 but being paid for FT). Manager wants me to come back in May. I can't find childcare that can meet dc's extensive medical and mobility needs and we have another surgery in April and likely more late spring and summer.
The way I see it I have 4 options
Option A) Ask manager if I can return p/t from home May through August (2 days/week) and return FT in September to the 4 day FT role.
Option B) Explain surgery situation and tell manager I can't return before September but accept the 4 day FT role to start the week after school resumes. If I do this I will have been off 13 months.
Option C) Stay off until Jan and give up promotion. Negotiate return to work 4 days/week, or give up the 4 days instead of 5 and return 3 days/week.
Option D) Acknowledge life has thrown a curve ball and that I need to work very part time (2 days/week max) and/or transition to my side gig as my main source of income at least for the next couple years until things settle a bit.
I'm scared of poverty, I'm scared of not having enough to retire as I don't have a pension (most of my FT work years were spent abroad). At the same time I'm scared of only having this medical life and the isolation it brings if you aren't engaged in the workforce (in my area very very few parents are at home after 12 months. I can't tell you the last time I saw a child older than 12 months at the park, soft play or early years programming.) I'm scared of being so overwhelmed with needing to keep the work ball in the air while caring for a very poorly dc whose needs are still very high.I'm scared I will let work down. I'm scared of leaving my dc with their very extensive support needs. I feel I need more time to decide and more time to get us through surgeries, therapies etc. I do not feel ready. I'm exhausted.
Other factors - Line manager is lovely but works 24/7 and is known to send texts through the night and weekend, or emails related to work. Isn't paid more for extra work, just genuinely cares about the work we do as I do to. It's not work you can switch off from. They also have a very hard time with retention and both the people they hired to cover for me quit after 2/3 months. Retention issues are because the work is never done and I think that's a hard thing for people to hold, especially in the type of role we do where there are real people waiting needing help and support.
I don't know what to do and while I know 4 day work week is an incredible opportunity, I'm terrified of how to manage that with the current situation we are in.
What would you choose? I have a little over 24 hours to decide.