To be away from a breastfed toddler for a few days

[SmallMexicanChihuahua]

I'm looking for advice from people who have been in a similar situation.

DS is 14 months and still breastfeeding on demand if I'm around. He also feeds to sleep and is in general boob obsessed. I was hoping that he would start weaning himself off but there's no sign of that happening.

We have tickets for two festivals in June when he will be 16-17 months old. The plan is for his grandmother to look after him at our home; so he'd be in a familiar environment with a familiar caretaker. Meanwhile me and his dad would be away for 4 nights, back for 10 days, then away again for 3-4 nights.

We really want to go to the festivals as it might be our last chance to do so for the next few years. However, DS has been so clingy since starting nursery a month ago that I worry that he won't be OK without us for several days. He can be put to sleep for day naps by others but needs the boob when it comes to night sleep and still wakes up several times during the night and wants to feed.

I love the bond we have through breastfeeding and don't want to wean him before he's ready (plus I've read that it doesn't necessarily improve sleep). Is it likely that he would be more independent in 3 months and not necessarily need to be breastfed to sleep? Ideally i would like to keep breastfeeding him but not have him be dependent on that to fall asleep. Or is there no other way than either not going to the festivals or weaning him?

He will be very likely fine i have ebf-d 4 children and tbh after a year if boob is not available they will drink from a cup nps, i was a week in the hospital before c section and then extra 3 days post birth so about 10 days,my youngest then was completely fine without me,otherwise when i was at home she was boobie mad for milk and comfort :)

Just mentioning It might be the push to complete weaning, you have done great to get so far super well done but just so you know there is a good chance he might not want to feed from the breast when you get back. For one of mine ,3 days hospital stay for a c section (all my kids are section babies) was enough to completely forget breastfeeding, she tried to latch on once when i got back but gave up and didnt try again.

I actually think going away for 4 days and then a further trip away is likely to trigger separation anxiety, especially going from not leaving at all.
And being in a familiar place he will probably expect to see you there and miss you more, so I’d rethink the plans.
Try a night away in a local hotel so you are nearby in a months time, then perhaps aim for another 1 night again. Then at festival time could you do just 1-2 nights away compared to 3/4? That’s a long time to leave a breastfed clingy baby.

Personally I would wean him in the next few weeks. Otherwise I think it's a bit unfair on your mum or MIL. It may be easier than you're expecting - I did it at 13m and it was for me/DS - obviously they're all different though.

I night weaned at about 8 months but continued feeding otherwise (still going at 3.5 years...) Ds has been absolutely fine with being away from me for a few days at a time.

To be honest, I don't think it's fair to the grandparents to leave them with a toddler still waking up a lot at night for that many nights, they will be shattered

So tricky, he might be absolutely fine and sleep like a dream. Or totally unsettled and its a bit miserable for everyone. I'd certainly be nervous about both of you being gone for multiple nights if nights end up being very tricky.
However if you do want to wean I found going away for 3 nights at 17 months very easy, much easier than trying to do it in advance to make it easier on DH.

I think you need to either wean first or not go. It isn't fair on him or his grandparents to just leave and hope for the best. They will probably have a miserable few days.

and you won't enjoy it either OP, if it's not going well, you will just fret.

From she was about a year old I had to travel tor work to the US. I was usually away 4-5 nights. I was in awe of the way she adapted, although she often wanted a feed as soon as I came back through the door.
We kept breastfeeding till she was 5 and finally ready to stop. I'd have happily stopped a few years sooner but she was very determined

@Bloopsie thanks, that's very reassuring. I don't mind if he weans himself off while we're away, just don't want him to be in distress.
So far he's refused any milk in a cup we've offered but hoping this will change!

I would worry that your DC wouldn't cope and the stress it would cause their GP.

I also think you need to stop breastfeeding before you go and find another way to settle him.

it’s not fair in the person you leave him with otherwise, it’ll be the double whammy of missing you and not settling.

If he doesn't like milk in a cup remember he doesn't need milk at this age OP, as long as he's having lots of cheese / yoghurt / milk on cereal.

I have a nearly ten month old boob monster. He was night weaned at seven months (we sleep trained and it just sort of went hand in hand) and started nursery a few weeks ago.

He is perfectly happy at nursery without milk; I just feed him morning, after pick up and at bed time. On his non-nursery days he feeds as much as he wants, which is a lot!

We're leaving him overnight with my mum in April when he's 11 months. She already looks after him once a week and settles him for naps etc so I’m not anticipating any problems. And I’m sure he'll be just as boob-obsessed when i pick him up the next day!

Thanks everyone for your replies.

It sounds like it has worked for a few of you without necessarily weaning; this is what I'm hoping for, considering he's over 1 and already goes for long stretches without milk at nursery.

I agree that it would be unfair on my mum but again, I'm hoping that his sleep improves by then. He was a much better sleeper when we made these plans but then we had one sleep regression after another.

We'll do a trial run for a night and maybe consider night weaning.

Hey, I googled my question and this thread has come up. Can I ask how everything went in the end? I’m also leaving my 17m old in Jan for 5 days who is BF and I don’t want to wean either.

My daughter is 20 months old and still breastfeeds on demand if I am around, copes fine without it if I am not there though and will go to sleep without. But I genuinely don't think I could do what you are suggesting, but that is more because I wouldn't want to leave her, not anything to do with breastfeeding.

Hi @LMc1 , it went really well in the end. We did one night away from him at first which was absolutely fine. We then went to the festivals and had another short holiday, so in total we've had 3 episodes where we've been away from him for 4-5 days each. He does get a bit emotional on the last day of us being gone, but not much. His sleep was also fine, he'd wake up once a night, drink some water and then go straight back to sleep. It also didn't affect the breastfeeding and he's still going at 22 months.

Hope all goes well for you in January xx

Aw lovely to hear!! Thank you so much for replying. I’m feeling relieved now 😃

Hey did you leave your baby how was he?

Hi @Mamatoamiracle , I did and he was fine, see my previous post in this thread.

read it after I’d posted silly me! I’m leaving my 18mo breastfed baby boy today for 3 days for the first time we have a wedding in Santorini. So thankful I came across your post! I definitely think I’ll struggle being apart more than he will. I’ll post an update when we’re home to help reassure other mamas who come across your post xxx

Hey, I always appreciate updates so I’ll give mine too :). I left my then 17m old to go abroad for 5 days in total. Honestly, he was fine, I wasn’t 🥴. I had major anxiety for being so far away and I missed him like crazy. It was definitely too long for me but a few days less I think I would I have been fine.
He woke up quite a few times the first few nights but was settled ok by his dad and they continued to bedshare. The last few nights he slept great. I FaceTimed but he didn’t seem bothered to see me. We’re still breastfeeding at 21 months despite me leaving him for 5 days 😊. I pumped when I needed to whilst away and he literally jumped on me when I got home to feed 😂. Hope this helps in some way, 3 days isn’t too long 😊.