WIBU to ask him to stop smoking in the car?

[Caneverybodyjustcalmdown]

DH and I have a DS who is almost 3. My parents live about a 10 minute drive away and we see them at least once a week. I’ve always had a good relationship with them and they are fantastic with him. Once every few months, they have him overnight so DH and I can go out together, which we really appreciate. Here is the AIBU:
DF (the only one who drives out of the two of them) smokes in his car. I thought he’d stopped but apparently not. I only realised this today when I picked DS up and we swapped the car seat back to my car. It reeked of cigarettes. I’ve had to clean it with the carpet cleaner. This is the first time I’ve noticed so he must have stopped then started again. I’m really unhappy with this - they used to smoke in their house. They stopped when I was pregnant (at absolutely no request from me) when they realised I wouldn’t go there if they did. I really appreciate the fact they did, especially without me asking.
WIBU to ask DF to stop smoking in his car if he wants DS to go in it? I’m fully prepared for him to say no and DS to be unable to go anywhere with them (without me or DH)? Or is that just really bratty and entitled?

Is he smoking whilst DS is in the car?

I thought it was now illegal to smoke in a car with an under 16?

That’s disgusting. He shouldn’t be doing anything that makes your DS, or his stuff, stink.

And yes, usual caveat applies that thus might mean you can’t use them for child care!

I would be furious if someone was smoking in a car with my child in it but I am not sure you can stop him smoking in his car when there is no child in it.

Does the car seat smell of smoke or does he smoke with your son in the car ? The latter is illegal now so if its that you need to tell him, you can't tell him he can't smoke in his own car though can you go and get your son instead of them doing it.

Stale smoke I meant.

Sorry, I’ve not been clear at all! He’s not smoking while my son is in the car, but everything stinks so the car still has smoke in it. That wasn’t clear at all, sorry.

With or without your son in the car ?

I mean you could ask him but if he is only in the car every few months could you just "forget" to swap over seats or get 1 for their car. It does stink but it's his car to smoke in.

You could mention it but if he doesn't want to, it's his choice, as it's your choice whether to let your DS travel in his car.

If he's not smoking in the car whilst transporting your child, there won't be any smoke in the car. Upholstery smelling of stale smoke isn't going to pose any real risk to anyone taking an occasional car trip. Cotine exposure isn't worth worrying about in these circumstances.

It would be unreasonable to dictate what he dies in his own car the rest of the time.

Heh. does not dies!

If he is smoking when alone in the car I don't think you can say anything tbh.

If he is smoking in the car with your son I would be apocalyptic and honestly have no idea what I would do aside from never let them have him to stay again.

You’re being very precious.

You can’t stop a grown man smoking when he’s alone in his own car.

No! It’s his car and he doesn’t smoke whilst your son is in there so there’s no way your car seat that is only in there when he isn’t smoking should smell?!

Not sure I would want my dc around a loved one who stinks of cigarettes... Does your dc not smell also? Gross...

You can't tell him what to do in his own car.

He's not doing it while your DS is around (which would be illegal anyway) - so I'm not sure what you'd say to him anyway?

"Does your dc not smell also? Gross..."

How would that work?

Thank you for all of your replies. I did think I might be being unreasonable, hence the thread. I just think it is such an unhealthy habit and I really hated stinking of it as a child.
i think I’d say something which showed them I appreciate how much they do for us, but that I’d prefer DS not to go in their car while he smokes in it.

Ew gross. I can't believe people even still smoke in their car or house.
YANBU My son wouldn't be going in any house or car that is smoked in.

It would be a huge no from me.
Secondhand smoke can remain on fabrics etc, for quite some time, therefore still having potential to cause harm by inhaling the poisonous chemicals.

If it was up to me I would ban smoking full stop.
Its dangerous, disgusting and causes serious illness, not only the individual that smokes, but the innocent( often children) that are exposed through secondhand smoke.

Don’t ever be made to feel guilty or wrong for putting the well being of your child first.

Unreasonable I think OP. He doesn’t smoke with your DS in the car and off their own back they’ve stopped smoking in their house full stop, which enables you to get a wee break. The smell will cling to your parents clothing and transfer to your DS anyway.

I think your being unreasonable. Its not like its all the time.
Just ask him to take the car seat out when hes not using it??

He uses my car seat - we swap it over from my car to his when they look after him.

Could you not get a second car seat? It’s very difficult for stale smoke not to transfer onto things. My dad stopped smoking in his own house when I had ds1 but if we ever stayed over all our stuff came back smelling of stale smoke.