First time getting on a bus on my own

[firsttimebus]

Posting here for traffic (of course you may think I'm being unreasonable anyway). I've also namechanged as I'm so embarrassed.

I have moderate to severe anxiety for certain things. Public transport is one of them. I don't have to use it in my day-to-day life, I've never been on a bus on my own and a train only once in my life (mid 20's). However, there's something I want to do this evening, have no one to go with and live across from a bus stop (it's too far to walk, you need a bus or car really). I am trying so hard to psych myself up into doing it. I need to leave in about an hour and I feel sick. I live in a busy city in a no-so-nice area (moving soon) and I am worried that I won't get a seat as it's a busy time and place (its about 40 mins and I get dizzy for standing up after 15 mins ish). I've never stuck my arm out for a bus either and worried about doing that wrong. I'm not 100% sure where to get off and can't find the answer on the website. I'm doing all I can not to order a taxi but I'm finding it overwhelming also,
as I said, I live in a rough area and worried that someone will be rude enough to not let me sit next to them. I would I be unreasonable to get a taxi? I'm considering not even going tbh but DP really wants me to go and do something I enjoy (he's away this weekend so can't come with me).

Just put your arm out when you see the bus coming.

I think most buses take contactless payment these days so that's easier than having to get the right change ready.

Some buses now have upcoming stops displayed and that help. The last time I caught the bus to a place I didn't know I asked a woman near me where I should get off. She didn't know but half the bus chimed in to help me - I live in the North though.

If there are no seats left you might be able to stand but the driver might not let people on if the bus is full. If there's an empty seat people should let you sit there. I personally have never had a problem with this.

Ask the driver to let you know when to get off, they won't mind at all!

If you can afford it, there is nothing wrong with getting a taxi.

I was very worried about all public transport as an adult, but was an awful driver, skint and while I was happy to walk 10+miles a day, the kids couldn't so I needed to get over it.

Helpful things: does your bus company have an app? I found this helpful, to see all the stops in advance. Could also sort of follow my own bus on the app and see when my stop was nearing. It also had a google maps bit to direct me to and from the bus stop if needed.

Just stick your arm straight out, good and visible, when the bus is about 100 metres away. 150 m if heavy rain/poor visibility. Put your arm back down when they use the indicator.

Not so nice areas mean lots of people use public transport and are used to it. 'Nice' areas are worse for people being funny about seat sharing. Just pick someone ok/not actively scary looking and sit. No need to say anything: I never do and noone ever does when sitting beside me and I get the bus many times a week. If there are no seats available, ask politely to whoever is in the priority seats (might not work. But if you can wait just a short while without too much issue and it would just be standing the whole way as an issue, then a seat will almost certainly become available at some point).
I'm completely fine now with all public transport - just needed to teach myself how, as I'd never had a clue! I'd always been with someone else who knew how it worked, or walked!

I have often been literally puking with nerves over things, but always found it best to make myself do it anyway and prove to myself that I can, so I reckon give it a go! Have a look for an app for the bus and see if you can find a way to make it practical. But, like I said at the start, there's no shame in that taxi either.

On a Saturday afternoon there’s a good chance someone will be waiting at the stop already so let them put their arm out and just follow them on

A rough area doesn’t = everyone is an arsehole. I worked in an inner city area as a PCSO and the absolutely overwhelming percentage of people are perfectly ordinary and nice.

Unless there’s a queue down the street for the bus I wouldn’t have thought it would be that full. Is it a double decker? There should be stacks of room. I’ve only ever struggled to get a seat when it’s rush hour

I once had to take a bus in an unfamiliar city in the Midlands to a crematorium and the driver was extremely helpful. I use public transport wherever I can (no driving licence) so am used to asking drivers for assistance. I am a very shy person but have to put my big girl pants on.

Put your arm out to stop bus.
Have your fare ready (coins best)
Tell the driver where you are going and he'll tell you how much to pay and give a ticket
say "can you tell me when we reach the best stop for the cinema (or wherever) ". (He'll shout down the bus to tell you)
Sit near the driver, on the left side of the bus. Then you can easily see and hear him.

A rough area doesn't mean people will be rude to you. I've been catching buses for years and not once has anyone made a comment about me sitting next to them.

I'm willing to bet the other passengers will be only to happy to help with where to get off as will the bus driver.

Don’t get a taxi, the more you opt out of things that make you nervous the harder they become and the smaller your world gets.
Just think how proud you will be of yourself overcoming your fears and your DP will be glad you have gone out and had a nice time.

If you put your start point and destination into google maps, and select the public transport option, it should show you the route the bus will do. If you keep this open on your phone when your on the bus, your location will move on the map in real time and you can see when you’re nearly at your destination and where you need to get off. You can do it!

I live in a rough area and generally people are so ready to help if you ask. Don't worry about asking anything you need to check, I'd be very surprised if anyone is totally unwilling to help as much as they can. If you can really try do it this time that will help you see that even though it was really stressful , you did it. And the more you do it the easier it will get until it becomes really familiar. Lots and lots of luck.

However dizzy you feel you wont collapse - the feeling is because you are hyperventilating but you are full of adrenaline at that point and your muscles are turbo charged. Once you get through the initial panic feelings you will be find. Millions of people take buses every day just fine, and you will be fine too. I hope you enjoy your evening. Once you have done this journey, it will be a lot easier to do others. Take care.

I would suggest you get a taxi today so you can get to the event and practise using the bus at another time when you don't have to be anywhere - so for example, if you were to get off at the wrong stop it wouldn't matter as you would have time to walk to the correct stop or just get the bus back.

Honestly, I really would practise when you don't have a pressing commitment. I've had to deal with severe anxiety relating to something else and I practised in little stages until I was able to deal with the whole thing.
Take a bus ride some time this week when it isn't rush hour - maybe to the place you are going to tonight, or to the town centre or somewhere. Others have explained really well how to use the bus - putting arm out etc - so I don't need to repeat that.
Or go for a walk along the bus route, say 4 or 5 stops further on, then catch the bus back to your place, where you will recognize the stop and know when to get off.
You could also ride the bus all the way to the terminus. Go for a coffee or something near the bus terminus and then get the bus back.
Little steps.
Once you get used to using the bus with no time pressure, you can start using it to get to specific events.

I think this is really good advice 😊

I don't have any other constructive advice (other than as pp said, practice the bus at a separate time from going to an event) but I hope that you have a lovely time this evening.

Did you catch the bus, @firsttimebus? If so, I hope it went well and if not there is always another day.

As oters have said, most people on the bus will be very used to being seated next to all different people, they won't be thinking about you at all.

Another trick I use when getting a bus to somewhere I don't know is to search for your destination on Google maps and 'start' journey. Then you can follow the route and see when you are getting close. Obviously the route on a bus won't be exactly the same as the car route it shows, but the destination will be the same.

Good luck!

Did you get the bus?

Find the app for your bus company

It will show you tickets, I buy a weekly ticket on mine and just show the driver when I get on

It will also probably have a live tracker where it shows you the buses coming to your stop and their stops and times etc

Ours even tells you how many seats are free

Get a cab. Don't stress yourself before even getting to your destination.
However, at a point next week jump on a bus to go somewhere nearby. As in get on, go three stops then hop off and walk home. Then do it again the week after, and the week after that. Baby steps. Do it at a time when it doesn't matter and you don't have to reach a destination, then when you are comfortable you can use them with purpose.

Really hope you managed to do it, OP!