DH and I going part time to deliberately reduce wages

[Bucketheadbucketbum]

Just working out the free childcare hours and actually DH and I will be muxh better off if we both dropped to 3- 4 day week to deliberately reduce our incomes. Would obviously be nice way to live too! Anyone else doing same? Seems mental but we've looked at it 100 times over and it's true!

If I die there will be enough money for 1:1 nannies full time while my friend who I've appointed as their guardian raises them (she has a big enough house to house them) and also enough insurance money to cover all her costs and leave a fair bit left over for when they are adults. With my rational head on, increasingly this seems like by far the better life for them, than anything I can provide because no matter what I do now I cannot make things any better. We get poorer every year. We'll have no car soon. We have a colder house and less food. I can't replace their shoes and uniform. If Labour come on and impose more taxes at £80k they'll lose their home, the only bit of stability that these traumatised kids have had. I can't help thinking they'd be better off with my friend, in a nice warm home with enough food a shoes that fit and family holidays and bikes and activities that I just cannot give to them, but the insurance money would.

@ScruffyGiraffes no amount of money, love and care they get from anyone can replace you. Hang in there .

They will need this childcare all through primary at least and perhaps longer. I think I have to accept that even with £100k salary on paper I can't provide adequately for them. I have tried every avenue to get help: SS, DLA, etc. All say "no". I can't do any more because me working more would make them worse off. So the options left are: 1) put them into care (no); or 2) get rid of mummy so you get the payout and can live a decent life.

@ScruffyGiraffes as someone who lost their mum I can assure you that they would 1000% rather have you. 💐

I used to be that person who would scoff at higher earners and say “you deserve to pay more.” Until you actually see the eye watering amounts of tax - especially at 100k you just can’t comprehend how much is deducted at source. It’s much higher than the headline rate. Combine that with all the losses you are indeed worse off for working. It really doesn’t pay to do well in this country. Hence the state of the economy. People cannot even fathom how you don’t have “loadsa money” because they don’t see all the direct/stealth taxes.

All of the heavy lifting in this economy is done by people on about 100k. Professionals who have done well. They are paying for everyone including their richer peers who don’t contribute. All to be left with less disposable income than most. It’s ok though - they are rich and it must be a budgeting issue.

Labour’s plan will collapse the economy and welfare state even more. I actually think it’s what the country needs to be honest. Then people will realise that everyone should be paying their share not just the tiny percentage on PAYE at 6 figures.

I know that emotionally that is true. They have lost their father, I am all they have. It would absolutely traumatise them. But being traumatised is maybe better than being homeless as a child. This is the choice I will soon have to make for them.

But the Government can always change the goal posts and do u-turns.

Are you guaranteed to go back full time if you needed to ?

If the tac bands were applied equally to my household in the way they are applied to two parent households - who have 48 hours per day to split between work and childcare so can choose to have zero childcare costs at all if they wish, or both work and pay far less tax than me while still having much lower childcare costs - then here is the maths:

2x £50k incomes: net pay £6,290
1x £100k income: net pay £5564.

So my household receives £726 per month less net pay on the same income. Bear in mind that we are currently trying to pay for all food, clothes, birthdays, activities, transport etc from £200 per month, so removing this discrimination in the tax system would increase our money for this by nearly 500%, just to equalise our tax situation with those who already have the advantage of having twice as many hours per day to earn money to support their children/ spend time with them, split as they see fit. Some will of course mot max out the tax allowances and one parent will stay at home, but then they save the £2k per month childcare hill so are also far better off and have lots of spare money.

Add on top that the other household would receive child benefit etc...

It really is INSANE that anybody thinks this is fair. They can't possibly think that in reality, so the fact they refuse to press for change on our behalf shows that nobody gives a crap about single mothers or their children. We should be penalised, tough. Let your children suffer.

And so here we are with my only real option being making myself disappear, so that my children can have a decent life. If we were taxed in the same way as other families on the same households income I'd be able to provide for them just fine, take them on a camping trip, buy them new schools and uniform, look after them properly. But nobody wants to campaign to change it. Hunt doesn't care. Rachel Reeves laughed when asked about it. So instead I have only very extreme options left to look at.

School shoes

Their

Its

So much poorly written stuff from me today, I think because I'm so upset, but I hope it is still understandable.

I just wish people gave a damn and pressed for change, before it's too late for us. We'd still be funding lots of other families, and that's fine, but I can't keep doing that if I can't also house and feed and provide a decent living standard for my own children. I really have tried my very best but there is no more I can do.

Hello @ScruffyGiraffes, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these posts are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Wishing you the very best,
MNHQ💐

Thanks @PipMumsnet I appreciate it. But as I've explained, the only thing that will help us is if this penalisation through the tax system of single parents - almost all women - is removed. Then I'd have plenty of money to provide my children with a decent life, as other households with the same income but two parents do, because they are not penalised like this through tax. The best thing you could do for me and the many other single mothers in my situation is to campaign for change to these tax rules so that they are levied on a household basis. Then we could be on a level playing field at least financially - even though we are still trying to do in 24 hours what other people do in 48 - and provide decent lives for our children. Not be pushed to such extreme choices where there is no other way out.

Will you read the thread and the evidence posted? Will Mumsnet do something about it and campaign to get the same thresholds for tax, childcare etc applied to single parent households that are applied to other households? Instead of us doing two jobs in 24 hours not 48 and then being taxed MORE on what we earn, as well?

If not, your apparent concern for me is of no value. If you cared whatsoever about women or children or me or my children you'd be launching a campaign to get this fixed.

I wouldn't wish for the welfare system to collapse. What if you were to need it?

Yes

Thanks the rest of us with kids will just keep picking up the bill and missing out on seeing our kids! But yeah You go for it 🥺

Wow - have you actually read the thread. If not I suggest you do.

What's stopping YOU dropping your hours to spend more time with YOUR kids?

If you can do it why not.

This. I’m appalled.

I wonder if either of your businesses got into issues whether you’d be less likely to be kept if part time.

Appalled at what? They will still be paying for everyone else as net contributors. Educate yourself.

I have to say that I think it’s awful. The system is a mess and I hate that people now look for others to pay their way. Years ago people were too proud to take handouts but now it’s the done thing. I don’t know the answer but government needs to change their policies or the country will be on its knees soon

OP is simply working the system. It isn’t illegal. . For those of you knocking her, how many of you adjust your hours so as not to pay extra tax? Refuse overtime or perhaps otherwise do something to reduce your tax bill?

Op is paying her way and everyone else’s.

This policy is one of the bad ones because it penalises people earning more. The op and her DH are already very much paying their way, to the tune of at least 66k tax and NI per year (that's the post hours reduction amount)