Announcing pregnancy after mc

[brokenhairdryer]

Have 2 children and am pregnant again after a Mc last year. Stupidly told dc last time I was pregnant and then it ended in mc.

I am only around 8 weeks at the moment, but want to tell family and close friends but don't want to tell the dc until at least 12 weeks.

Should I keep quiet with everyone until 12 weeks? Or would it be bad to tell close family and friends and not tell dc until after 12 weeks? Although I think I feel bad if I was to do it this way as everyone else would know and not dc? Aibu?

I didn’t tell anyone until 16 weeks or so after a couple of “safe” scans.
Just couldn’t face it.

But it’s individual isn’t it.

Thank you. I have been very ill with morning sickness and everyone keeps asking what's wrong and telling me to see a doctor etc I feel bad for lying

Lie, until you feel ready to share the news. They should all understand, especially after your miscarriage. I ignored people until I was ready to share the news, which is also not the best. Pregnancy after miscarriage is very difficult, do what you need to do to remain sane.

I told family and friends early but not DS. I don't think we told him till after about 16 weeks as that was when the scans were then. I wouldn't tell the DCs till much later on.

It's entirely up to you.
There is no set rule, its whatever makes sense for you.

Theres positives to not having to deal with others reactions etc if you don't tell people early on. However I found that it encourages the idea that we shouldn't speak about miscarriages. I found it incredibly helpful to have a circle who both knew I was pregnant when I was grappling with the early stages of sickness and emotions. I also found it helpful to have a circle who then knew when things didn't go well, as they knew why it wasn't business as usual in our house, that something really significant had happened for us.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to decide either way with dc. You might want them to understand why your feeling different, and that changes are happening for both a pregnancy that processes well, but also if you are dealing with bad news because it will impact the whole house . You might want to shield them from that.

You know how they managed last time, and how you managed also

I think it's fine to tell others first rather than the dc too

Thank you all for the comments.

I wanted to tell people but felt bad for not telling dc first. I felt bad for even considering telling others before dc so I feel much better about it now. Thank you all

I personally have never shared the news with anyone until after 16 weeks and my DC until after 20 weeks scan. I think people underestimate how important that scan is. I couldn't face having to break bad news to others whilst processing it myself. Also for children, 9 months is a long time so keeping it quiet for longer helps.