AIBU - about the dreaded mum guilt!

[runforyourdog]

Started a new job this week. Looking like it's going to mean a lot of time commuting etc. So won't see as much of the kids. I'm feeling the mum guilt! My DD in particular likes to lay it on a bit thick, she needs her mamma!

Part of me thinks, what am I doing! I need to be there for my kids.. but the other part thinks, well they are 6 and nearly 8, I'll still spend time with them daily and they will be with dad or grandma so not so bad.

I know this is a totally personal thing so not really AIBU but wanted to understand where people's boundaries are... and how you know you've met them!

Presumably he said it to you when taking on his big job?

He's always had a big job. I'm the first one to have a big commuting job since covid though.

You are all totally right though everything is still so sexist! I took a back seat when the kids were small but now it's my time to shine! But I feel guilty!

Well don't

You have literally nothing to feel guilty about

They are not long hours if you are only doing it x3 days!!!

Thank you!

It's hard though, but looking forward to a lie in and time together this weekend!

@Remmy123 I'm full time but 3-5 days in the office that is 60 miles away.

If it's x3 days in the office and x2 from home it's fine! I do that but home at 7pm

So it will be at least 40 hours working maybe 50 plus 12/16/20 hours commute. You can see how it might add up

I hope it will be 3 days I think that will be fine. But not sure at the moment.

Well, you probably should have got at least some kind of agreement nailed down initially - and I'd recommend doing it soon, ideally before you sign your contract, if you haven't already - but tbh, HUGE numbers of people do a ten-hour day with a two hour round trip commute and eight hour working day and it's mostly fine.

Not great, but fine. Certainly not worth ripping yourself to shreds over.

I've honestly never felt guilty about working. It's not some hobby I do to please myself. I get some satisfaction from it but it's also what I do to provide for my family. If the hours and commute feel out of balance then I might decide it's not compatible with the life I want and look for something else, but I wouldn't characterize that as guilt. What's selfish about it?

I left a family friendly job with regular hours for a crazy all hours job. My kids are preschool / primary age.
there are pros and cons but overall I’m happy with the decision.
cons - I am expected to be available at all hours and work long hours, albeit I work from home 3 days a week and one day I have the 1.5/2 hour commute each way
cons - my children do say they miss me but that’s hopefully a good sign?
cons - House messier
pros - I’m happier because work is fulfilling and interesting and in my old job I was bored out of my mind and felt like I wasn’t fulfilling my potential in life
pros - earn more money and pay more into pension
pros - relationship much better for some reason

overall decision was right and if things change in future I can leave. So all good for now although there are times I really miss the children but in reality they are happy at after school club and I wonder if it’s actually me that wants them to miss me more…

Also since I took this job dh has really stepped up and been supportive

That sounds just like my DH I'm not even sure what to say but he's been so fab. I'm not even anywhere near the breadwinner.