To ask what you’d think of this long term relationship set up

[Pineapplepie]

Together nearly a decade, mortgaged nice suburban semi detached house together, planned child, family pet etc
but not married or engaged

genuinely don’t have any problem with our relationship apart from this. We’ve worked through a lot of shit, but the last five years have been super to be honest, really enjoy the time we spend together as a couple and family with DD just getting a bit meh and feeling a bit not good enough iyswim

so yeah is it weird to be in a relationship like this and not be married or actively preparing to get married. Seems like people are together months or years and engaged and married and it’s passing me by

also finances wise, marriage isn’t something I need. I have a fab job, im 0.8 WTE has cracking mat Pay, and subsidised childcare through a work scheme, I work flexible hours often able to pick up stuff when DD in bed, so I can see her in the day or drop at nursery etc and get to do lots of mum stuff in the sense. And I earn more than double what DP earns whilst working 0.75 WTE so I don’t think marrying for fiscal protection or whatever is necessary

Why is this weird? Huge numbers of couples don’t get married these days.

It's not weird if both people are happy with it.

It's a bit weird if one person really wants its and the other, for no particular reason, won't indulge.

Not sure what the issue is?

Somling as you have legal things in place for house tenants in common or whatever to protect both of you I wouldn't worry. Wills need to leave the house to each other as you are not next of kin, same with life insurance pensions etc.

I presume you've both discussed marriage and decided it wasn't for you if all else as you say was planned?

In anycase I wouldn't worry too much about it being odd that you aren't married - all other legal ties taken care of. Marriage or indeed LTRs become a millstone for women when they are the ones solely making sacrifices that would jeopardise them in the event of divorce or break-up leaving them entirely destitute. That doesn't sound like an outcome you would face in the event your relationship broke down.

Inheritance tax could be an issue for you. It’s not payable by married couples if one passes away but is payable by couples in your situation if assets are over a certain threshold. For some couples it means that the family home has to be sold to pay it, which is not great for the survivor and the DC.

It also may not be an issue for you now but may become one in the future.

Do you want to get married and he doesn't? Are you wishing he'd ask but he hasn't?

I have been engaged to my DP for five years and neither of us are that bothered about getting married. Every time we discuss it we think of things we would rather spend our money on. We are both every laid back about it and apart from having the same surname and the excuse to have a party, I don't feel how things would be any different.
We have been together 10 years, have our lovely DS and are still mad about each other.
Occasionally, I do feel a bit strange about it, usually after someone at work has made a jokey comment about the fact it's a long engagement.
I don't knock people that have got married as I think it's really special, but there is nothing wrong with not doing the marriage thing either. It's the quality of relationship that matters!