Please help me- everyone is pissed off at me

[Smokedcake]

I feel like I’m upsetting everyone in my life and I don’t know how to stop.

I’ve been unwell recently and It’s meant I’ve had to cancel a lot of plans last minute. I don’t get unwell everyday so I still make plans because most of the time I’m fine, but I advise the people that I might have to cancel if I’m unwell nearer the time and check they’re ok with that. It’s always group activities so it’s not as if me cancelling would ruin the entire event, there’s usually still at least 5 other people going. But my friends have started rolling their eyes whenever I say I’m unwell and have to cancel and passing comments about it and everyone clearly thinks I need to toughen up and come anyway, but when im unwell I cannot focus on anything else and sometimes have to go to the hospital. My work have started taking a similar attitude and have been getting annoyed at me for taking some time off, even though I haven’t actually taken much time off at all. Same with family events- I’ve had to cancel a few from being unwell and I can tell people are starting to get annoyed at me.

without drip feeding, I have an eye condition which causes me to be extremely unwell. It’s not something I can just power through for the sake of not upsetting people. If it flares up, there’s no way I can get by. I’ve explained this to my friends/colleagues/family without droning on and on about it but people don’t really understand how bad it can be

but I don’t want to upset my friends or work or family anymore. I’ve stopped going to events where me cancelling would be a problem, but then they get annoyed at me for not making an effort too. I also always pay my way so nobody is ever out of pocket for me

i just feel so bloody alone and miserable with it all. Does anyone else have similar experience and have any advice or tips for dealing with it?

I think the problem is with them, not you, so it's hard to give advice. They're rubbish friends if they can't understand your health issues.

This whole thing is totally heartbreaking to be honest - I can understand why you feel this way. It sounds to me like you’re trying your best in an extremely difficult situation and it’s others who aren’t being understanding.

Have you tried joining any online or in person support groups for people with chronic illnesses? They may help you feel less isolated and are more understanding if you can’t attend things last minute or go off grid. I think maybe making friends with others who are in the same position as you would be good as they will most likely have been there themselves.

As for work they have to provide reasonable adjustments such as flexible working or home working if that is at all helpful to you. If you are not even taking a lot of time off I would absolutely just ignore them. If you feel the need I would seek advice from HR or a union.

i hope you are ok and please don’t let this kind of thing isolate you or stop you from making friends - you may just need a different friendship group ❤️

Can you tell friends and family that you cant let them know until the day itself? Then if you feel up to it, you can go. Obviously if it needs booking in advance, this wont be workable.

I guess it depends on how many events you cancel on ?

Sounds like you are downplaying it.

It's a bit weird lumping in work with friends and family. Those are 3 separate areas of life that need dealing with differently.

Work is key, read up on your rights. Contact your union. You must play the game to make sure you aren't treated unfairly or end up wrongfully dismissed.

It's them not you.
I have a friend with a chronic condition. She cancels maybe 2 out of 3 meets, but it's just how it is. We just 'pencil things in' and confirm on the day.

They are completely unreasonable! I can relate a little, I was in a absolute mess from around 25 weeks pregnant until the end of my pregnancy with gallstone attacks out of nowhere, And what people expected of me and what to attend was beyond ridiculous they thought it was just like bad indigestion hmmm…

Its awful to be in such excruciating pain and people acting like it’s nothing simply because they don’t get it, I’d say you need new friends that are more understanding I don’t get it I’d be so sympathetic! They sound awful tbh.