To think when you reject someone, they guess the real reason anyway

[BodsMilkshake]

This can relate to romantic relationships, friendships or even trying to distance yourself from a colleague, for example. No matter how tactful you try and be and respectful of their feelings - if you cut people off in some way - they always at some level feel the reason is they're not good enough

I think it depends on someones ability not to personalise something and just accept that the person rejecting them isn’t right for them in some way, which is the correct way to view the situation.

Meh, honesty is the best policy. Who cares if they “guess” the real reason? You are entitled to not want a relationship with whoever you like for whatever reason you like.

I disagree, strongly.

They might be looking for an apple and you’re an orange. That’s all.

I think it depends on an individual’s own self esteem, emotional literacy, and ability to put rejection in context. If you’re somebody with low self-esteem who tends to navel gaze and always think something must be about you, you’re going to take rejection personally. If you have good self esteem, know that you’re a decent enough sort, and recognise that you aren’t going to be everyone’s type and that’s just how the world works, somebody turning you down you is a blip in the road.

"Not good enough" and "Not quite the right fit" are two very different things. If someone chooses to interpret my rejection as them not being good enough, that's on them.

Yes I think this is true.

Not necessarily no. I'm not good at reading between the lines or social cues. One reason why I suspect i might be ASD. I might get there in the end but it can take years for me to work out what the other person was playing at. Depends how much I ponder over it.

Rejection is always going to sting on some level, if that's what you mean, but I don't think people necessarily guess 'the real reason' they were rejected.

I think the way people interpret being rejected is, however, not very relevant. If someone makes me annoyed/unhappy/bored/uncomfortable and I simply don't find them likeable or their company enjoyable, I'm not going to continue to see them just in case they're upset by being tactfully phased out of my life.

Most people have hang ups, the chances are if you honestly say, for eg, you know I can't do the distance- they might think ah, but the distance isn't THAT bad, so they think oh it's really because of my [insert insecurity here]. Of course if you're dishonest its usually obvious.